Aibu for feeling upset tonight at DH and DB for being a pair of unhelpful gits?

[Chinsupmeloves]

Today, I was out at work, did the shopping, while DH as usual wfh. I took the kids round to DB's after dinner and they had a great time. Came home about 9pm and I had forgotten my handbag amidst all the bags I was carrying plus walking our dog.

At this point I was tired, was annoyed at myself so asked if DB would walk half way to meet me and bring it. Would also have been nice if DH had offered to meet half way but wasn't expecting it. It's literally 10 mins and that little act of kindness would have meant a lot. But nope, my fault, neither could be bothered, so I went out again in the dark alone (not that this bothers me) to get my bag.

Just felt so disappointed in both of them. DH has had the whole day wfh (not a stressful one) and evening to himself and DB is between jobs. I, on the other hand, left the house at 7am, barely got a break at work, then went back out again with DC and eventually wanted to relax.

Would it really have been that much for them to leave the house they had been in all day and night to help me out?

Why are you allowing your DH to treat you like this?
You are martyring your self while allowing him to be a lazy selfish prick.
Your brother sounds as bad. Please

… lost half my post then.
Please don’t allow these useless men useless men to be role models for your children.
I would be having a very serious conversation serious conversation with DH, and not continuing with the current family dynamics
for another day! You can change even if your feckless husband doesn’t.

I know that my husband would have immediately gone to the brother’s house to retrieve it. He simply would automatically do this.

Why didn’t you send your DH to your brother to collect your bag?

Did you ask or just hope? Sometimes it's thoughtless but no more.

To be fair, your DB hosted you for the evening and fed you and your children. And you forgot your bag. I don’t blame him.

So the next thing your husband asks you for or asks you to do for him, don't. And when he mentions it say you couldn't be bothered, or however he put it when he refused to help. I would guess he is used to a lot more of this than he realises. Kindness goes both ways.

Poor thing! It’s her brother. Mine, would have definitely moaned. But he’d get it to me.

My DH would never allow me to walk in the dark if he’s around to either come with me or just do the task for me.

Tbh even in the daylight he would have offered to go for me too.

Feel sorry for you OP.

Who took the kids to school? Collected them?

I think it’s down to her and her DH to get the back back. Not the person who fed and hosted all night and it’s not their bag. Would you say the same if you’d left your bag with anyone but your brother?

Are you saying you asked your husband to go and get your bag and he refused? That is a bit shit.

Could you have driven rather than walking around in the dark?

Did you directly ask your dh to go?

What has that to do with anything?

Wow

He didn't host, it was just at his house, we got a takeaway. Xx

Oh I thought he had cooked which made things different for me. Yes two people can walk ten minutes to exchange a bag (provided kids aren’t left at home alone). And you had walked the dog too.

No i didn't ask because he doesnt like to be told what to do. I just sort of slumped and said oh great I have to go back out again and he said yeah equality! We'd both had a couple of drinks so driving wasnt an option.

Yup and been 'out out' at work teaching. Xx

Working at home is still working.

Just saying.

It doesn’t sound like he likes you very much though.

I don’t know. If DH left something at his brothers I’d think he was stark raving mad if he wanted me to go and fetch it for him 🫣

No i didn't ask because he doesnt like to be told what to do. I just sort of slumped and said oh great I have to go back out again and he said yeah equality! We'd both had a couple of drinks so driving wasnt an option.

I'd have left it then if everyone had been drinking, and just gone in the morning instead.

So if you’re knackered I think it’s completely fine to walk through the door and say: BUGGER! I left my bag at DB’s. I’m so sorry but I’m shattered, I’ll make sure everyone gets settled to bed if you don’t mind popping back for my bag. I know it’s a total pig but I can’t do without it until tomorrow. I’m sorry, I would do the same for you and I will, please.”

Obviously he can say no. But you entertained the kids for the whole evening and it’s a walk he didn’t anticipate, but we do stuff for one another don’t we?

Sorry I didn’t get ‘out out’ I’m Welsh and that means ‘Get dressed up like a Christmas tree for a bar drink’!

It's not great. Both my brother and my DH (and my sons, I think) would have offered to get it for me.

I hadn't had chance to catch up on my messages and e mails etc and also like to have my phone (which was in my bag) for any emergencies. Xx