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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found out from friend that husband is going Vegas in August for his 30th but hasn’t told me

203 replies

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 09:04

I am not too sure how I feel about this, what would you do in this situation?

So my Husbands best friend is going Vegas for his 30th this August, his friends wife is also my best friend, it’s a couples only thing but we have 2 young children who in August will be just turned 1 and an almost 4 year old.

She only just broke it to me in a conversation that my husband has said he is 100% going not realising he hasn’t told me yet, but she has said it’s a couples thing and it’s not a place suitable for young children at all so I definitely won’t be going and I would not leave my children at that age for a week being that far away. So by the seems of it my husband might be going alone, but this angers me because it is going to be the school holidays which means I am sole parent for a week which I know is going to be tough when my 3 year old (will be turning 4 in September) is off pre school. My baby would have just turned 1 so my hand are going to be very full!

I just feel if it was the other way round I would say “No I can’t go because of the kids” - but that’s just me. I could never leave my husband for a whole week to go Vegas on a couples holiday with all our friends.

Am I being selfish here?

I also don’t know if I should just wait for him to bring it up to me, or tell him I know.

OP posts:
21ZIGGY · 15/01/2026 09:06

Vegas in august will be torture, so I'd leave him to it.

But the fact he hasn't told you, maybe he isn't going and he just hasn't been able to tell them

Gonkgonk · 15/01/2026 09:06

I don't think it's about having to manage the children on your own , many parents do that, more about him not telling you and discussing spending what I can imagine is quite a lot of money in a trip for himself.

Paral · 15/01/2026 09:07

Yes, going to vegas for a week without consultation whilst your spouse is up against it with a 1yo and 3yo is beyond selfish. To say nothing of the cost!

WirelessInternet · 15/01/2026 09:07

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DBD1975 · 15/01/2026 09:08

Could your husband have told them he is going to avoid having to say he isn't but not actually have any intention of going? He might just be waiting for the right opportunity to tell his friend he can't go.
In any event I would just ask him what is going on, until you do you won't know.

Gonkgonk · 15/01/2026 09:09

Also to add , just ask him!

fruitbrewhaha · 15/01/2026 09:09

Have you asked him? He may well have said to his mate “yeah, count me in, we’ll be well up for that” but not actually thought it through. Or he is being a dick and actually
considering holidaying without you and the kids and hasn’t had the balls to tell
you.

Paral · 15/01/2026 09:10

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Travelling to Las Vegas on holiday presumably

nonegotiation · 15/01/2026 09:10

Giving him the benefit of the doubt he could just as easily be lying to his friend about going than he is lying to you by not mentioning he is going. It is odd it hasn’t come up in conversation with him at all but I would definitely just ask him about it now and say ‘x said you are going to vegas??’ and see what he says

ForLoveNotMoney · 15/01/2026 09:11

It’s going to be about 40 degree’s in august so let him get on with it! Maybe he doesn’t want to go and hasn’t told them yet. Don’t get all upset until you’ve spoke to him.

Sanasaaa · 15/01/2026 09:11

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Can you really not understand?

Very self indulgent of him. Yuck.

Chestnutmarenutjob · 15/01/2026 09:12

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Did you not read the thread?

KimHwn · 15/01/2026 09:14

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Bloody hell, unclench. God forbid people use local dialects which are completely understandable to the rest of the world, eh!

Chestnutmarenutjob · 15/01/2026 09:14

Vegas in August will be hell on earth. It will be absolutely boiling and very very busy.

the fact he hasn’t consulted you about it, and just gone ahead without any consideration for you and your children, says a lot.

CactusSwoonedEnding · 15/01/2026 09:14

Yanbu.

I think you have to say it out loud "If you would plan to leave me doing solo parenting for a week during the summer holidays without even thinking about how difficult that would be for me, that would be an act of such staggering selfishness that it would end our relationship. [Name of friend] told me that she thought you were planning this but I didn't believe her. She must have misunderstood but what's going on?"

Lmnop22 · 15/01/2026 09:15

Don’t make this about childcare because obviously there should be times when he goes away without you and you have the kids and vice versa when he has the kids.

This is about spending a large amount of money and committing to plans with friends without discussing it with you!

I would say to him, I spoke to female friend and I’ve decided I’m going to go to Vegas with them im August on my own since it really isn’t a kid friendly trip, you’ll be fine with the kids won’t you? And when he reacts badly to that suggestion, which he will, he will then hopefully realise the error of his ways and not make the identical counter proposal that he go alone!

IwishIcouldconfess · 15/01/2026 09:16

How about you just ask him??
You know have a conversation??

You're close enough to have sex with him ( regularly I presume ) and yet you can't just say to him, Hey, Pete, Barbara said you're going to Vegas in August?

AllIdoistidyup · 15/01/2026 09:18

Hm. I don't know - depends how far down the line he is. A casual "Sure, I'll come" with a plan to look at costs and discuss with you later is one thing but if he's made actual commitments and plans then he's avoiding telling you because he knows he shouldn't have agreed to it blindly.

Swiftie1878 · 15/01/2026 09:21

DBD1975 · 15/01/2026 09:08

Could your husband have told them he is going to avoid having to say he isn't but not actually have any intention of going? He might just be waiting for the right opportunity to tell his friend he can't go.
In any event I would just ask him what is going on, until you do you won't know.

This. He wants to show his friend some willing, as it’s his big birthday, but will
later say he can’t go and blame you!

Lavenderandbrown · 15/01/2026 09:21

Missing the point but…he won’t care about the heat . Every single inch of Las Vegas is air conditioned and some of the very large hotels have air conditioned connecting bridges and some actually blow cool air down onto the street level. It’s a dry heat. I was there in late August with my heat hating DH and we dined outside on elevates patios.

Original poster
Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 09:22

OP HERE - UPDATE

So it got back to my husband through my friend that she accidentally dropped him in it not realising I didn’t know. He called me and told me he was going to book it for me “as a surprise” and to go for a few nights rather than a week, but he knows I wouldn’t leave my kids, especially not being 10 hours away by plane. He thinks it would be acceptable for us to go and leave our children but I think differently. To me this seemed like a naughty tactic to put me in this awkward situation where he had already paid for the holiday so I couldn’t say no, or for him to say to me “well I’ve paid I’ll go on my own”. But luckily he hasn’t booked it and I have said No.

I feel like he was booking it for him, not us. But I could be wrong.

What do you all think about this?

OP posts:
AllIdoistidyup · 15/01/2026 09:23

I think he wants to go and was doing exactly what you suspect - putting you in an awkward position where he can say that he did invite you and you said no!

Swiftie1878 · 15/01/2026 09:24

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 09:22

OP HERE - UPDATE

So it got back to my husband through my friend that she accidentally dropped him in it not realising I didn’t know. He called me and told me he was going to book it for me “as a surprise” and to go for a few nights rather than a week, but he knows I wouldn’t leave my kids, especially not being 10 hours away by plane. He thinks it would be acceptable for us to go and leave our children but I think differently. To me this seemed like a naughty tactic to put me in this awkward situation where he had already paid for the holiday so I couldn’t say no, or for him to say to me “well I’ve paid I’ll go on my own”. But luckily he hasn’t booked it and I have said No.

I feel like he was booking it for him, not us. But I could be wrong.

What do you all think about this?

Edited

He’s deluded.
It should be a firm no. You have very young children and Vegas is too far away for if there was an emergency.

Enrichetta · 15/01/2026 09:28

I’m glad you’ve said no.

Now you need a really in depth talk about your marriage, relationship, family life and your respective expectations in this regard. Otherwise this kind of shit is likely to happen again, and his belief that he can railroad you into things that don’t work for you will become entrenched.

Dancingdance · 15/01/2026 09:28

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 09:22

OP HERE - UPDATE

So it got back to my husband through my friend that she accidentally dropped him in it not realising I didn’t know. He called me and told me he was going to book it for me “as a surprise” and to go for a few nights rather than a week, but he knows I wouldn’t leave my kids, especially not being 10 hours away by plane. He thinks it would be acceptable for us to go and leave our children but I think differently. To me this seemed like a naughty tactic to put me in this awkward situation where he had already paid for the holiday so I couldn’t say no, or for him to say to me “well I’ve paid I’ll go on my own”. But luckily he hasn’t booked it and I have said No.

I feel like he was booking it for him, not us. But I could be wrong.

What do you all think about this?

Edited

He should spend the money on a family holiday instead. Your husband sounds very selfish.