Found out from friend that husband is going Vegas in August for his 30th but hasn’t told me

[Biosblbay]

I am not too sure how I feel about this, what would you do in this situation?

So my Husbands best friend is going Vegas for his 30th this August, his friends wife is also my best friend, it’s a couples only thing but we have 2 young children who in August will be just turned 1 and an almost 4 year old.

She only just broke it to me in a conversation that my husband has said he is 100% going not realising he hasn’t told me yet, but she has said it’s a couples thing and it’s not a place suitable for young children at all so I definitely won’t be going and I would not leave my children at that age for a week being that far away. So by the seems of it my husband might be going alone, but this angers me because it is going to be the school holidays which means I am sole parent for a week which I know is going to be tough when my 3 year old (will be turning 4 in September) is off pre school. My baby would have just turned 1 so my hand are going to be very full!

I just feel if it was the other way round I would say “No I can’t go because of the kids” - but that’s just me. I could never leave my husband for a whole week to go Vegas on a couples holiday with all our friends.

Am I being selfish here?

I also don’t know if I should just wait for him to bring it up to me, or tell him I know.

“as a surprise”

what a manipulative twat.

I think that men's lives don't change so much because women suddenly make themselves super busy in motherhood. Literally nothing stops OP from booking her own solo trip and leaving her husband to look after the children.

You're unreasonable to have had a second child with him and to have stayed with him in that case.

Maybe he’s not lying but doesn’t align with OPs can’t ever leave the kids stance.

I don't think there would be anything wrong with a parent going on holiday for a week whilst the other has the DC. He should have discussed it with you before committing though.

My god some people are dense. You couldn't figure out what she meant because the word "to" is missing.

Dear oh dear.

What a dick he is. How much would that bloody cost and can you afford it?
What other awful things has he done?

No, I don’t think it is all coming back… what it is, is that for fear of divorcing and raising your children alone, you continually chose to pretend that it didn’t happen. That his behaviour was a blip and that he will get better. What this does is evidence that it wasn’t and he won’t.

At some point in your relationship you are going to have to accept that he will always be like this - and then decide whether you stay with him on the understanding that he will always prioritise himself, or you end it and make him leave? [I refuse to spout the ‘LTB’ phrase… why must the woman, and not the man, leave?]

I guess it´s a matter of priorities. I have a kid and my holidays are with said kid. There is no way I would leave a 1 year old to go gallivanting for a week on another continent. No way at all. But others believe that´s fine. Horses for courses.

He’s a selfish knob. He had no intention of you both going together. I’d be livid if my dh decided to go off on a holiday without his family during the summers holidays and without even consulting you!

Why have kids with him if he's dont some horrible things in the past? What were you expecting .... for him to change?

You must realise that it's very unusual for a woman to be happy to leave her 7 month old baby for a week, especially for a holiday in another continent. You considered it okay but it doesn't make OP unreasonable for not wanting to leave her 1 year old.

It really depends on your perspective in life - for people who were born abroad travelling that distance with young kids is not an issue. I started travelling overseas with my twins after they had had most of their jabs so at 6 months their first trip was 24hrs to Australia including taxis / stop overs and two flights. My sister m’n’law booked while she was pregnant for her to fly with her new born baby from Australia to Canada when her baby was going to be 4 wks old which I thought was ridiculous but she had no issues.
If you told me I was going on holiday to vegas with a 1 year old and a 4 year old I would be punching the air with delight (yes I have been to vegas in august). Vegas is much more than gambling … families live there! We stayed at a time share off the strip. What it really comes down to is the support you will have on such a trip with kids. If your mum or his mum baby sits I would say hey want to come to Vegas with us next August? In our family my mum and dad are happy to babysit and did ( in their 70s) baby sit my sisters kids (3 under 5) for a week while my sister went to Hawaii for a wedding with her hubby. My parents had to fly 5hrs to get to my sisters house so it was an undertaking for them but one there were prepared to do.

My children's dad is the same. He much prefers it now that he doesn't have the hassle of kids full time. Leaving him was the best decision. He can book trips away now without needing to check Im okay with it because he doesn't owe me it anymore and only needs to " schedule" time for the kids. Some men wont change.

Was he genuinely thinking you would be coming and thia would be love or was he counting on you not being able to come and by giving a pretend invite he can justify going solo?

Let him go on the understanding that you’ll be taking the same amount of money to take yourself off on hols for the week after/ before him.

Take your wedge of cash (because let’s face it, Vegas isn’t cheap) and go wherever you fancy do whatever you want. The baby will be ok - they have their dad there after all.

If (when) he objects point out that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

Was just thinking the same

Have you said that if he goes he will then need to look after the children for a week on his own while you go away with friends. He might change his mind about Vegas in that case.

Maybe she just left out the 'to'. It's pretty obvious what it means, it's not the enigma code.

Geez poor guy. He obviously really wants to go, it’s his best mate’s 30th, but he knows you won’t leave the kids (I wouldn’t either). Maybe he was trying to think of a way he could make it work and then your friend spoke to you before he had a chance. Personally I’d tell him to go, then I’d store up a nice holiday for myself when the kids are older.

Yet no-one acts like it's weird for the dad to be fine going away. Baby was with her dad, who does just as much as me. I work full time as it is, so for 5 days a week and bedtimes and nursery it's not like we get a ton of time together. She adores her dad and vice versa, so where's the issue in him doing all the bedtimes etc for a week instead of half. Why shouldn't I still see friends when I know baby is loved and happy with her dad for a week - it's not like she cares as long as she's fed and loved!

Fine for OP to not want to - but everyone saying 'well of course not, what mother would ever be ok with that', maybe they are part of the cause as to why women can feel guilty staying themselves with kids.

I think sometimes when I read these sort of posts it’s usually not the first time you’ve been hurt by your DH. Then there is always an update that this isn’t the first time and it likely won’t be the last.

If your DH can do “horrible things” in the past then he can, and will do it over and over again as he feels he can get away with it

If you have a support network that would mind the children, you’d probably enjoy the trip to let your hair down.
I would let him go if I didn’t want to leave the children, there will be hen weekends etc in the future when he can look after the children solo.
I would agree to 4/5 days.

Missed your 9.29 update. Why are you still with him.

If he definitely knew there’s no way you’d leave your children to go then it sounds like he was going to book it for himself, then tell you he’d booked it for both as a ‘surprise’ knowing full well you’d decline. It’s crazy he wouldn’t just be upfront and tell you about it from the off.

ODFOD