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Original poster

Found out from friend that husband is going Vegas in August for his 30th but hasn’t told me

203 replies

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 09:04

I am not too sure how I feel about this, what would you do in this situation?

So my Husbands best friend is going Vegas for his 30th this August, his friends wife is also my best friend, it’s a couples only thing but we have 2 young children who in August will be just turned 1 and an almost 4 year old.

She only just broke it to me in a conversation that my husband has said he is 100% going not realising he hasn’t told me yet, but she has said it’s a couples thing and it’s not a place suitable for young children at all so I definitely won’t be going and I would not leave my children at that age for a week being that far away. So by the seems of it my husband might be going alone, but this angers me because it is going to be the school holidays which means I am sole parent for a week which I know is going to be tough when my 3 year old (will be turning 4 in September) is off pre school. My baby would have just turned 1 so my hand are going to be very full!

I just feel if it was the other way round I would say “No I can’t go because of the kids” - but that’s just me. I could never leave my husband for a whole week to go Vegas on a couples holiday with all our friends.

Am I being selfish here?

I also don’t know if I should just wait for him to bring it up to me, or tell him I know.

OP posts:
PrunusVulgaris · 15/01/2026 12:35

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 10:50

@Soontobesingles this! Honestly I could never be a 10 hour flight away from my babies. When they are stroppy teens then no doubt! 😂 but if you read my last comment to someone, the worst part of this is we cancelled our 1 week holiday to Spain, just us 4, to save money as I am on maternity pay, for him to then pay to go vegas a few night which will probably cost more.

Ild rather go on holiday with my children, my little family.

You need to re-think this marriage. He has shown you time and again that he is a selfish idiot.

Get rid before you waste any more of your life on him.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 15/01/2026 12:38

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 09:29

@Enrichetta this isn’t the first time he has put his own social life and needs before me and his children. He has done some horrible things in the past. When things like this happen it makes it all come back

What other horrible things has be done?

BeardOToots · 15/01/2026 12:41

Lmnop22 · 15/01/2026 09:15

Don’t make this about childcare because obviously there should be times when he goes away without you and you have the kids and vice versa when he has the kids.

This is about spending a large amount of money and committing to plans with friends without discussing it with you!

I would say to him, I spoke to female friend and I’ve decided I’m going to go to Vegas with them im August on my own since it really isn’t a kid friendly trip, you’ll be fine with the kids won’t you? And when he reacts badly to that suggestion, which he will, he will then hopefully realise the error of his ways and not make the identical counter proposal that he go alone!

🔥

CheeseItOn · 15/01/2026 12:42

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 09:22

OP HERE - UPDATE

So it got back to my husband through my friend that she accidentally dropped him in it not realising I didn’t know. He called me and told me he was going to book it for me “as a surprise” and to go for a few nights rather than a week, but he knows I wouldn’t leave my kids, especially not being 10 hours away by plane. He thinks it would be acceptable for us to go and leave our children but I think differently. To me this seemed like a naughty tactic to put me in this awkward situation where he had already paid for the holiday so I couldn’t say no, or for him to say to me “well I’ve paid I’ll go on my own”. But luckily he hasn’t booked it and I have said No.

I feel like he was booking it for him, not us. But I could be wrong.

What do you all think about this?

Edited

Tbh I'd leave him to book for himself just for the lols when the wife of the best friend realises it won't be a couples trip and they will either have an awkward 3 person trip that none of them get the best out of or he and the friend will go alone or, more likely, the whole thing will fall though.

Seperately, if he's that horrible, use this as motivation to leave him.

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 15/01/2026 12:46

Gonkgonk · 15/01/2026 09:06

I don't think it's about having to manage the children on your own , many parents do that, more about him not telling you and discussing spending what I can imagine is quite a lot of money in a trip for himself.

Doesn’t really matter if other parents do it. Childcare is 50:50 responsibility and he has decided to take a week off without agreeing that with his wife

YourBrickTiger · 15/01/2026 13:12

He should have told you 100%. Will never understand the attraction of bloody Vegas. Have been and just don't get it.

Muffinmam · 15/01/2026 13:13

nonegotiation · 15/01/2026 09:10

Giving him the benefit of the doubt he could just as easily be lying to his friend about going than he is lying to you by not mentioning he is going. It is odd it hasn’t come up in conversation with him at all but I would definitely just ask him about it now and say ‘x said you are going to vegas??’ and see what he says

Why on earth would be lie to his friend about “definitely going to Vegas”??

Dancingdance · 15/01/2026 13:15

deardeb · 15/01/2026 10:58

How did you come to a conclusion that he does not spend money taking his own family on a holiday outside of this?

Show quote history

Huh? Vegas is expensive. That money should be used for his family.

ChattyCatty25 · 15/01/2026 13:20

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 09:22

OP HERE - UPDATE

So it got back to my husband through my friend that she accidentally dropped him in it not realising I didn’t know. He called me and told me he was going to book it for me “as a surprise” and to go for a few nights rather than a week, but he knows I wouldn’t leave my kids, especially not being 10 hours away by plane. He thinks it would be acceptable for us to go and leave our children but I think differently. To me this seemed like a naughty tactic to put me in this awkward situation where he had already paid for the holiday so I couldn’t say no, or for him to say to me “well I’ve paid I’ll go on my own”. But luckily he hasn’t booked it and I have said No.

I feel like he was booking it for him, not us. But I could be wrong.

What do you all think about this?

Edited

It’s obvious that he didn’t tell you because he knew you’d be unhappy. So he’s trying to twist it round like he’s giving you a surprise. But he knows you wouldn’t enjoy the “surprise” as you don’t want to leave your babies.

He’s just trying to get himself out of trouble and make himself looks less dishonest and selfish.

His intention was almost certainly to pay for and book it, and cross that bridge when it comes with regards to dealing with your negative reaction. Or possibly hoping you would change your mind, or that he’d pay for it and it would be too late to back out without losing money.

TheDenimPoet · 15/01/2026 13:20

Before you get yourself worked up about it, talk to him. He might not actually be planning on going, or even if he is, he might not have thought about how it would affect you. Have an adult conversation and ask him if he was planning to go, and explain how you feel about that.

If he genuinely does want to go, compromise by going away yourself for a girly break with a friend another time, and he can take care of things at home.

You don't have to both sit at home with the kids all summer, BUT if one of you gets a break, the other should, too.

allthingsinmoderation · 15/01/2026 13:22

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 10:50

@Soontobesingles this! Honestly I could never be a 10 hour flight away from my babies. When they are stroppy teens then no doubt! 😂 but if you read my last comment to someone, the worst part of this is we cancelled our 1 week holiday to Spain, just us 4, to save money as I am on maternity pay, for him to then pay to go vegas a few night which will probably cost more.

Ild rather go on holiday with my children, my little family.

Have you said to him: As we cancelled our 1 week family holiday to Spain to save money ,why do you think you going to Vegas is appropriate now?

GarlicSound · 15/01/2026 13:39

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 10:50

@Soontobesingles this! Honestly I could never be a 10 hour flight away from my babies. When they are stroppy teens then no doubt! 😂 but if you read my last comment to someone, the worst part of this is we cancelled our 1 week holiday to Spain, just us 4, to save money as I am on maternity pay, for him to then pay to go vegas a few night which will probably cost more.

Ild rather go on holiday with my children, my little family.

The short-term suggestion is that you book yourself and DC - plus a friend, perhaps - a week somewhere very child-friendly while he's in Vegas.

The longer-term suggestion is to reconsider the terms of your household. Are you content with a part-time partner, accepting that he'll float off to do the single life a few weeks of the year? Or would you rather start strategising for a successful divorced life - basically formalising his semi-detachment?

It doesn't sound as though you'll be able to transform him into a man whose central focus is his family, so review your options. A week on a sun lounger might help with that.

DorothyCrowfootHodgkin · 15/01/2026 13:53

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 09:29

@Enrichetta this isn’t the first time he has put his own social life and needs before me and his children. He has done some horrible things in the past. When things like this happen it makes it all come back

So why did you 'recently' have a second child with this man?

Shinyandnew1 · 15/01/2026 14:13

But luckily he hasn’t booked it and I have said No.

So what did he say on the phone when you said no, @Biosblbay ?

BenoitBlancsFedora · 15/01/2026 14:34

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 10:50

@Soontobesingles this! Honestly I could never be a 10 hour flight away from my babies. When they are stroppy teens then no doubt! 😂 but if you read my last comment to someone, the worst part of this is we cancelled our 1 week holiday to Spain, just us 4, to save money as I am on maternity pay, for him to then pay to go vegas a few night which will probably cost more.

Ild rather go on holiday with my children, my little family.

Oh goodness, that makes this so much worse. Vegas is currently very expensive for little return. It would be one thing if you had the spare cash and he talked about this with you first. But every update is making this worse! He's being selfish and unreasonable. F him.

OP you and your children deserve better. Flowers

PithyTaupeWriter · 15/01/2026 14:36

It's not just the money spent and the fact that he didn't discuss it with you, it's also the time away. Presumably he is like most people who have 5 weeks of leave a year, so that time is very precious and must be used carefully. This always needs to be a discussion between partners.

Moonlightfrog · 15/01/2026 14:37

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 09:29

@Enrichetta this isn’t the first time he has put his own social life and needs before me and his children. He has done some horrible things in the past. When things like this happen it makes it all come back

Each time he does something you remember what an a##hole he is and that he will do more things like this again and again.

Fidgety31 · 15/01/2026 14:43

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 09:22

OP HERE - UPDATE

So it got back to my husband through my friend that she accidentally dropped him in it not realising I didn’t know. He called me and told me he was going to book it for me “as a surprise” and to go for a few nights rather than a week, but he knows I wouldn’t leave my kids, especially not being 10 hours away by plane. He thinks it would be acceptable for us to go and leave our children but I think differently. To me this seemed like a naughty tactic to put me in this awkward situation where he had already paid for the holiday so I couldn’t say no, or for him to say to me “well I’ve paid I’ll go on my own”. But luckily he hasn’t booked it and I have said No.

I feel like he was booking it for him, not us. But I could be wrong.

What do you all think about this?

Edited

I think you sound a bit boring tbh … there’s a life outside of kids !
im team husband I would jump at the chance 😂

ColadhSamh · 15/01/2026 14:48

MissyMooPoo2 · 15/01/2026 11:12

I think it's sneaky that your friend couldn't leave it alone and decided to tell him that she'd let the cat out of the bag.

I can be very oversensitive so this may well not be an appropriate reaction - but I would be feeling completely betrayed that any of this was discussed without my involvement.

Show quote history

I agree. That is not the actions of a friend who is presumably aware of the previous problems you have had.
You OH is devious. Having been tipped off by your friend he has tried to change the narrative and intentions.
You need to give some serious thought to not only his most recent behaviour but also to the behaviour of some in your friendship circle.

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 15/01/2026 14:59

Fidgety31 · 15/01/2026 14:43

I think you sound a bit boring tbh … there’s a life outside of kids !
im team husband I would jump at the chance 😂

Show quote history

From her updates it seems like her husband is a bit of a dick

OrlandointheWilderness · 15/01/2026 15:10

why can’t you both go?! It’s a few days. If you have someone to leave the kids with why not!?

OrlandointheWilderness · 15/01/2026 15:11

Oh my bad - didn’t see the Spain update!
yep he’s a dick.

Change2banon · 15/01/2026 15:14

Biosblbay · 15/01/2026 09:22

OP HERE - UPDATE

So it got back to my husband through my friend that she accidentally dropped him in it not realising I didn’t know. He called me and told me he was going to book it for me “as a surprise” and to go for a few nights rather than a week, but he knows I wouldn’t leave my kids, especially not being 10 hours away by plane. He thinks it would be acceptable for us to go and leave our children but I think differently. To me this seemed like a naughty tactic to put me in this awkward situation where he had already paid for the holiday so I couldn’t say no, or for him to say to me “well I’ve paid I’ll go on my own”. But luckily he hasn’t booked it and I have said No.

I feel like he was booking it for him, not us. But I could be wrong.

What do you all think about this?

Edited

I think he’s lying and playing you 🤷🏻‍♀️ He’s made up the ‘surprise’ story given that you now know about it. He’s a selfish prick.

outerspacepotato · 15/01/2026 15:18

He acts like he's single.

Paying for a Vegas vacation without even running it by you, that's deceitful and possibly financially abusive, depending how you two run your finances. He's also deprived you of a vacation. Vegas is not cheap, especially when he's coming in from the UK.

I think your marriage is toast.

And your friend gave you a heads up but then told your husband she did that so she's not very trustworthy.

Rosealea · 15/01/2026 15:44

How do you think lone parents manage? That's a bit of a princessy take on things.