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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tired of always having a child with me

223 replies

itsallgonetomush · 09/01/2026 07:37

I know it is a bit unreasonable.

Two kids, 5 and 2. I literally always have one or both. I get time to myself at work in theory but work is rushed and manic so not particularly enjoyable. And nursery is right near work. So I go from nursery drop off to work to pick up to home and on my days off and weekends / holidays obviously always have my children.

I was naive before I had them and thought it would be lovely because obviously my amazing parenting would mean they were a delight to be around Hmm not that they aren’t but they obviously are just normal kids and very hard work

I think I’m still run down after the stress fest that was the Christmas holidays. But does anyone else struggle with lack of time to yourself? Or have you adjusted better than me to motherhood?

OP posts:
3luckystars · 09/01/2026 07:40

Are you a single parent?

I think this is time to start planning to carve out time to yourself.

Tourmalines · 09/01/2026 07:41

Partner , grandparents?

Justlostmybagel · 09/01/2026 07:41

Is their dad there? Send them out with him for the day, if so.

DreamOfTheRarebitFiend · 09/01/2026 07:45

Of course you're not being unreasonable to feel this way. It's hard work. But it does get easier. Try to carve out little pieces of time that are just for you and make the most of them. Just something like a half hour bubble bath, for instance, used to really help me.

TheTortiePuffinNeedsHerBreakfast · 09/01/2026 07:46

I think the main difference from not having children is that you have to consciously plan to carve out time for yourself, otherwise it won't happen. Things like booking lunch with a friend, or going leisure shopping. Is there a friend of your children 's you could arrange a "swap" with, ie they have the kids whilst you have time to yourself and vice versa?

Original poster
itsallgonetomush · 09/01/2026 07:50

Thanks. Grandparents don’t have the children really - my parents aren’t around and DHs are lovely but while they’d help out in an emergency it is an actual emergency situation not just to give us a break, especially just me! DH isn’t around a lot. For example, this week he was away from first thing Tuesday morning to quite late Wednesday night and then in the office Thursday (his work is not local so he left at 7 and was back around 7.) And you can’t predict that so I can’t really do anything during the week, weekends tend to be very busy and I don’t mind that as they go faster but it does mean any sort of chill time doesn’t really happen.

OP posts:
Justlostmybagel · 09/01/2026 07:51

You need to talk to your husband so he knows he has to prioritise giving you a break, when he is around.

Pavementworrier · 09/01/2026 07:52

I don't think most people consider this in advance. I know some people genuinely love it but personally think it's quite millstoney.

3luckystars · 09/01/2026 07:54

Why are weekends busy? Can you have one quiet weekend per month where you get half a day off?

It’s important you schedule this because in case you didn’t notice, you are last on the list now.

Unless you push for a bit of time to yourself and protect it, other people will keep taking it from you now.

Keroppi · 09/01/2026 07:58

It's hard you're in the hardest years! I guess you have to carve out time in the evening to do something whilst relaxing I.e. a new book or a magazine, special face lotions or masks or stuff for the bath.
You could look at local babysitters and see about introducing one slowly to come round once they're in bed settled.
Otherwise on a weekend with DH you need to each have a lie in day and once he's up, go out for a few hours whilst they go out or laze around and play and eat lunch etc, then you come back and all go out somewhere.

Untailored · 09/01/2026 07:58

You’ll get lots of suggestions about getting time to yourself but to answer your actual question, no it’s not unreasonable to feel this way. Small children take up all your mental space and it’s very tiring to be with them all the time. Of course being a parent is not always how you imagined it - I think it’s because it’s very hard to truly describe to others.

It will pass - they will grow and become independent before you know it. It’s a cliche but that’s because it’s true.

Needlenardlenoo · 09/01/2026 07:58

As usual on Mumsnet, you've got a husband problem, not a childcare problem. You've adjusted your life post children. He's carried on as before.

youarebeingsoextrarightnow · 09/01/2026 08:09

Ask DH parents if they would like to pick the DC up one night a week and take them for tea, my parents used to do this and it gave me a few hours, my xDH used to work longer hours but he had to as he was the higher earner.

Take a weekend off, just chill at home, let the DC amuse themselves, have a movie day. Tell DH to take charge for a few hour on a weekend morning so you can go out and do whatever, it does get easier.

InterestedDad37 · 09/01/2026 08:10

When my kids were little, work became something of a rest from the busyness of parenting - especially after summer/Christmas holidays.

Tourmalines · 09/01/2026 08:12

there is nothing to stop their father from having them for a few hours on the weekend while you get to do what you want.

WobblyBoots · 09/01/2026 08:13

Kids can be tiring and hard work and it's not all cozy joy. But the reason you feel the way you do is because you are doing it all.

DH needs to pick up the slack when he's home and at the weekends. I used to be guilty of prioritising family time at the weekend, which don't get me wrong is really important. But me and DH now make sure one of us gets a full half day off at the weekend-no getting up, no making breakfast or organising activities, no requirement to 'do' somethings, just completely free time.

Original poster
itsallgonetomush · 09/01/2026 08:14

@3luckystars they are a lot harder if they aren’t busy for whatever reason. But it’s just a carousel of kids swimming, rugby/ ballet, parties, and even if there aren’t we generally do something child oriented as otherwise everyone’s just in the house getting on one another’s nerves, it isn’t a break.

DHs parents live way too far away to do a pick up and they wouldn’t anyway.

There’s probably some truth in that to a point @Needlenardlenoo but we do need his salary, I can’t pretend otherwise. And one day when they are both in school I hopefully will have a bit of time during the week to recharge a bit. So it’s worth hanging in there for that alone.

OP posts:
Justlostmybagel · 09/01/2026 08:16

Not sure what needing his salary has to do with it. You're working and taking care of the kids 24/7 it seems. He needs to be doing his fair share at home and giving you child free time.

Original poster
itsallgonetomush · 09/01/2026 08:17

But he isn’t at home much - that’s where his salary comes into it. Yes, there are weekends but they tend to be where we have a child each.

OP posts:
Justlostmybagel · 09/01/2026 08:19

itsallgonetomush · 09/01/2026 08:17

But he isn’t at home much - that’s where his salary comes into it. Yes, there are weekends but they tend to be where we have a child each.

Okay, but when he is home, he can take both kids for a couple of hours and give you a break.

My husband works very long hours with lots of overnight trips. He still makes sure I get a break when he's home.

Tourmalines · 09/01/2026 08:20

itsallgonetomush · 09/01/2026 08:17

But he isn’t at home much - that’s where his salary comes into it. Yes, there are weekends but they tend to be where we have a child each.

That’s where you have to stop . When they are not doing any of their booked activities, then your husband can have them by himself a few hours. You don’t need to have one each.

Original poster
itsallgonetomush · 09/01/2026 08:22

@Justlostmybagel he can but I guess this is what I’m saying: it’s still rushed, frantic, trying to cram what you can into it.

For example today I do actually have an appointment to have my legs waxed (!) so that’s time to myself in a sense but I’ll rush there and then rush back to relieve DH and start dinner and bath time etc. It isn’t enjoyable and that freedom is gone (for now) - it just is, no matter how supportive your partner is. Maybe it’s different if you have very involved family and/or just one child; I don’t know.

OP posts:
TartanMammy · 09/01/2026 08:23

It gets easier as they get older, but not for a while yet. Mine are 11 and 15 and I'm just getting some time back for myself now. But even then there's always someone here and needing something, today is the first day since 18th Dec that I'll be alone as everyone is at work and school and I'm off, woohoo!

I know how it feels when mine were young all my annual leave was used school holidays and I had none for myself. Dp was the same.

But your dp needs to step up and you both need to take some time out yourselves, just tell him you're going to exercise, for a coffee, cinema, to meet friends, whatever that might be and leave him to get on with it. You need a break too, small children are relentless.

Justlostmybagel · 09/01/2026 08:24

itsallgonetomush · 09/01/2026 08:22

@Justlostmybagel he can but I guess this is what I’m saying: it’s still rushed, frantic, trying to cram what you can into it.

For example today I do actually have an appointment to have my legs waxed (!) so that’s time to myself in a sense but I’ll rush there and then rush back to relieve DH and start dinner and bath time etc. It isn’t enjoyable and that freedom is gone (for now) - it just is, no matter how supportive your partner is. Maybe it’s different if you have very involved family and/or just one child; I don’t know.

Why do you have to rush back? Let your husband sort dinner and bath time.

My husband is supportive and that's why I still have some freedom. We have no family support either. It's still very possible.

Devilsmommy · 09/01/2026 08:26

3luckystars · 09/01/2026 07:54

Why are weekends busy? Can you have one quiet weekend per month where you get half a day off?

It’s important you schedule this because in case you didn’t notice, you are last on the list now.

Unless you push for a bit of time to yourself and protect it, other people will keep taking it from you now.

This is so true. You don't understand before having children that you really do end up coming last for everything and unless you plan it, nobody is going to give you the break you end up desperately needing