No food for Grandparents

[Rustynailsit]

I’m just wanting some feedback on what is normal when babysitting. We have 3 grandchildren up to age of 7. Have spent many hours babysitting, including some whole days weekly. They socialise quite a bit and also have golf days. We do most of the minding at their house, apart from 1 day a week for 1 child at ours. We have never been provided any food for either lunches or dinners and also have to cook children’s dinners (think chicken nuggets, plain pasta etc).

We have to bring our own food. At Xmas we are given a voucher to a restaurant or pub to the value of just covering the meal (but not drinks). This is supposed to be our Xmas present and also thank you for minding.

Is this normal?

They are taking the piss.

My father looked after my daughter one day a week before she started school, he now picks her up from school on the same day. There is always food in, he can have whatever he wants and he stays over for dinner on that evening which we cook for him.

I'd be absolutely embarrassed to give a voucher for Christmas, even more so if they are lumping it in as a thank you. Maybe if it was a voucher for a weekend away plus a nice dinner then maybe yeah...it would do. A night at the local carvery though? 😂

That is incredibly mean and ungracious of them
are they thoughtless in other ways too?

Wow, they are massively taking the piss. I'd be dialling that right back, no covering for golf days, for starters.

If anyone was kind enough to take care of my child they were given free rein of the kitchen and told to help themselves to anything in the well stocked cupboards. I never actually cooked a meal for them but did make sure they had something they would like and that was quick and easy to cook available to help themselves to. Depending on who it was that might have included cash for a takeaway pizza or fish n chips.

The voucher value would depend a bit on what their finances are like, is that a very small amount for them or is it a stretch for them to provide the amount they have provided?

I don’t tend to like giving restaurant vouchers as gifts because it’s always going to be the wrong amount, either to much for one visit or too little, feels like you’re always imposing a financial cost on the recipient in some way.

I don't really give massive Christmas presents so I don't know whether that would seem relevant to me, but the food thing is a weird one. If my mum babysits my kids she comes to my house and I tend to make their dinner before I go out so I'll make hers as well, or I order a takeaway for her later. On the other hand, if my PILs babysit they mostly do it at their house, so they will provide food. I do offer to pay but they refuse. Since you're in their house, can you just make yourself something?

If you're in their house can't you just eat their food? Ate they literally leaving cupboards bare and saying you must bring your own and for their children too?

Wow, they are massively taking the piss. I'd be dialling that right back, no covering for golf days, for starters.
This.

It'd actually on you to change the terms and conditions.

This has to be a wind-up thread or did you really bring up such entitled ungrateful children.

That is NOT normal and is pretty ghastly behaviour, in my view! I would even leave food for babysitters I was paying by the hour if it was during a meal time. The Christmas gift sounds completely disproportionate to the value of the babysitting you are providing them. They sound entitled and ungrateful. I would scale back on the services you provide!

Well - unless its a voucher for two for the tasting menu at the Fat Duck?

Its not my normal. Whichever house any of my family are in, mine or my adult children's, whoever is there is fed or helps themselves. You seem to have the worst of both worlds, treated like someone with shared responsibility who has to muck in with the work, yet like a badly hosted guest when it comes to your comforts.
If this was my DC I'd be having a word.

My word, this is just not nice! Anyone that looked after my child (nobody will😂) would be provided with as much food, drinks and snacks as they could eat.

I’d definitely be mentioning this.

I look after my grandchildren 2 days a week plus extras if needed at weekends.
Mostly at my house , and I buy food in for them (one a baby so specific stuff for her) but if Im at my daughters , while I never expect a meal, I know I am welcome to forage for food in their cupboards if I am hungry..I'd probably just do cheese on toast or something, not a 'cooked meal' because I'm trying to help them save money!
But your family are absolutely taking the piss!
I'd be stopping doing the golf days etc and be a bit less available until they find their manners and are at least more appreciative!

Do they tell you not to help yourself or just have nothing in? Either way, it does sound rude of them.

When my parents occasionally babysit I usually ask them what they want for meals and make it clear that they can help themselves to anything.

My mum has a weird obsession with not 'using up' our food though and always brings something (which she then leaves for us e.g. if she fancies a sandwich she'll buy a full loaf of nice bread and leave that, along with whatever fillings for us to finish). I think she still sees me as the uni student who had just moved out! I always counter that by buying nice biscuits and snacks that I heavily suggest they enjoy though...

Do the other set of grandparents help out? Maybe they are similar to my parents and your daughter has somehow got the idea that you want to bring your own food too. Or maybe they assume you'll help yourself if you want something...

Could you try mentioning that you're hungry and ask them what they have in for you next time? Hopefully they'll either realise they've been rude or they'll tell you to help yourself to XYZ.

Taking people who babysit regularly out for regular meals seems to be the norm round here. I like doing that as it's a way of saying thanks, and letting the grandparents have a day out with the children and you when they're just relaxing and enjoying time with you, not having to do any work.
TBF we didn't usually have babysitters at the house, relatives had the kids dropped off at theirs, but if they had preferred to come to our house, I would have made sure there was food in.
Now, if and when I am a grandparent (who knows, my kids are young and obviously a lot of people choose not to be parents which is fine), I would be wary of addressing it if I worried that this might stop me being allowed to see the grandkids (before you all say it, I HOPE neither of my kids has a partner who would do this, that would be awful, but you read so much about in-law issues), so I'd probably just take my own food.

Disgustingly mean and have complete mugs made out of you.
I would be unavailable going forward.
Which one is your child?
I would be disgusted that my child was using me like that.
Your child is the reason some parents sensibly don't allow themselves to be available other than emergencies for grandchildren.

They are CF!

Just for clarity there is never any ingredients left with which to make a meal, or if there are it would be “his steak” or “her chicken breast”. One time I was told to make pizza for the kids, ie, tomato paste and grated cheese, and was told we could have one if we wanted. Over the years we just got used to the fact there would never be anything left, and now they just expect it.

They have both recently been on a health kick so now even no biscuits to have with a cup of tea, I queried this and got a huffy reply.

Unfortunately DD has always be a bit entitled and married someone the same.
We recently said no to a babysit and they got the shock of their lives at the price of a babysitter.

We are retired now so have decided we will be travelling a bit, so it looks like the freebies are winding down

My daughter has had the same babysitter (no relation, so paid) since she was a baby. When she was really tiny I provided the food for the babysitter to heat/serve, and the babysitter brought her own food. Now that my daughter is older they have dinner together, and I provide the food. Sorry OP, I’d be upset too.

When my mom came to ours 1 day a week to babysit (unpaid) I ensured there were always foods she liked and insisted she took it home if uneaten. Some was cupboard food and teabags so always there and on top of that she’d be left a lunch offering such as sandwiches or a casserole (usually the dinner the day before she came would be a meal she could also eat or take home).

It’s the right thing to do.

Even now if dc go anywhere to family or friends they take a packed lunch (not needed but I like to know dc has food they can have when they choose and adults aren’t having to take time to think about/ offer dc foods).

You are being taken for mugs which is quite sad.

I'd be making myself less available. Good grief - my friend provides food if she's asked me to sort out her pets. As grandparents giving up your time their ingratitude is shocking.

Travel the world and enjoy your grand kids when they come around to yours with their parents. I would not be babysitting for such ungracious parents. My mum had full run of my home and kitchen when she came to help with my DC. She could order in or make anything at all for herself at my expense. I would always bring her treats too when I'd be out shopping. Grandparents are to be cherished!

I don’t know if it’s normal but it is very entitled. I would cancel all regular arrangements as of now and be less available for ad hoc ones.

You don’t owe them an explanation but you could say you want to spend the coming year getting away more and feel it’s only fair to let them know now so they can make other babysitting arrangements.

Depending on your appetite for confrontation I would be tempted to be direct, tell them that you have been feeling taken for granted and the Christmas voucher was the last straw. Ask them if this is what their friends give for Christmas. Make them feel ashamed.

We look after grandchildren from our 2 children. We look after them mostly after school but occasionally babysitting in the evening. We prefer to look after the grandchildren at our own home, so yes, I provide the grandchildren’s food. I don’t mind doing this but it is never assumed. When we babysit, food is always offered and so is a food delivery but we mostly eat at lunchtime so I am quite happy to bring what we eat with us. Money is not an issue. I don’t want my children to rush round to get me something before they go out. Golf days sound like taking the piss. As I said, my children have occasional nights out but mostly we look after the grandchildren because both my children and their respective OHs are working.

Unfortunately confronting them would be unwise as they have a history of blocking both sets of grandparents for the flimsiest reasons, so we don’t want to risk that again. DSIL has a foul temper when crossed and DD panders to his ego and actually told us before their wedding that we had better never upset him or she wouldn’t be able to see us. We adore our grandchildren but we know once they don’t need us as much we will barely see them

No way!

I always buy half Tesco then the babysitter, a friend or GP babysit.