Young nanny should be energetic, no?

[OnePoisedLilacEagle]

We recently hired a part time nanny for our DD who is four. She's a young woman, early 20s, good references, experienced, pleasant enough. She looks after DD three days a week. I usually work from the office those days but have occasionally worked from home so I have some insight into what's happening.

Issue is she has the energy of someone running on 2% battery at all times. She's extremely lethargic. Park time consists mostly of her sitting while DD runs around like an overly caffeinated squirrel. Activities are very much the "observe from a distance" kind. Even crafting is mostly her handing supplies and letting DD get on with it while she scrolls on her phone. When I suggested maybe playing a game outside, she smiled and said she prefers to "supervise calmly" rather than get involved unless needed.

Nothing is unsafe. But it is very passive. What also worries me is the lifestyle mismatch. She's a very unhealthy eater. Her lunches are usually instant noodles, energy drinks, or crisps sometimes all in the same sitting. DD has now started asking if she can have "nanny lunch" and I'm dying inside a bit. I've never commented on what she eats, but it does seem to reflect her general low energy approach to everything.

DD is absolutely climbing the walls by the time we get home, like she's been storing up chaos all day. It feels like I'm paying for someone who seems to think engagement is an optional extra.
I expected someone young doing childcare, even part time, to be a bit more energetic and involved. I don't want a nanny doing a bootcamp workout in the playground, but a pulse above "mild hibernation mode" would be nice.

AIBU to think her age and being hired specifically for childcare should equal at least some actual interaction and enthusiasm? Is it time to have words with her about expectations? I am comfortable having the conversation but also don't want to be unrealistic about what is expected of a nanny, as I've never had one before.

This is exactly our situation - on the days my mum looks after DD she goes to a nursery for the day. So she is getting that group socialization.

We don't have a TV (just watch stuff on our laptops, usually after DD is gone to bed) and I lock the tablet away during the day. I try to only use it if absolutely necessary. Which I know is a bit extreme but thankfully DD isn't conditioned to want the tablet so she's usually happy with her activities, book, toys, etc. I want her to be comfortable with being bored and finding her own way out of it through play.

Sadly I have to agree. I'm not sure what the recruitment looks like for the agency but I do get the impression she wanted an "easy" job while she goes to uni part-time.

Don't get me started on cleaners!!

I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt but yeah, not really feeling them after this. They market it very much as "we vet them thoroughly, everyone is at a very high standard" and I'm not seeing it. I went with an agency specifically so I didn't have to do all this background work and set out extremely explicit instructions like "don't scroll on your phone mindless" and "don't eat rubbish in front of the child".

As a former nanny, and now a mum myself, phones would be a hard no. I always cooked fresh meals for the children and ate with them. Energy wise, that's a hard one because it's a physical job with job hours. Does she have nanny friends who she can hang out with so your dd gets some child interaction? I hate talking badly about nannies because they often get a bad press but she doesn't sound very professional. Side note but are you paying her the going rate? Hopefully she feels valued.

I remember seeing two nanny's regularly when my kids were little.

One was this young rather large, exhausted looking woman who huffed and puffed around. always had the kids strapped into prams, always sat on the bench eating / on her phone when the kids were playing.

the other was this young, fit looking woman who was always engaged.. on the swings, on the slide, pointing stuff out to the boy twins she looked after. never saw her snacking or on her phone.

I know I am being judgmental but I think OP is right to connect eating crap & having no energy.

I know which nanny I would want.

Oh dear! I'm a nanny and I don't do any scrolling on my phone when I'm working. In fact my phone is on silent until I leave. I would be having another word with her to explain what you want/need from her, don't suggest, tell!

She's not a good fit for you.

I also wouldn't want to hire someone who was on their phone a lot, just passively looking up.

I wouldn't assume because she is young she will be high energy - i have worked with young student teachers who are much the same.
She sounds a bad fit for your family and values. Either terminate or have a conversation about expectations regarding engagement. Most jobs would not allow her to sit on her phone all day so its perfectly reasonable to say she keeps it in her bag unless using for work purposes eg sending you pics or updates

Shes immature,not interested,not dedicated,not passionate and purely lazy,get someone the kids will love…get rid x

I think you did the right thing. You want a cheerful role model not an Insta zombie.

Sounds like she'd be a better fit for older kids.
I'd let the agency know that and give her her notice.

You need someone more enthusiastic with younger ones.

Sadly, everyone I pass in the street on the way to the supermarket is on their mobile nowadays.

It's sad and pathetic.

You are paying, so the requirements are yours. You tell her what you expect from her and if she is not able to match it, look for someone who will. I would now hire a nanny in 20s though. The values of that age youngsters nowdays are terrible. Plus phone is not optional! It is forbidden unless it's an emergency! She is at work not on her own time. She would not be able to have it on any other job, why it is ok to have it in that kind of job?

This, absolutely. Get her off her phone. What other job would allow this. EYS teacher here so I feel strongly about this. She’s not engaging at all and this is so detrimental to your daughter.

Yes, I think that's it exactly. She isn't a "bad" person, she just doesn't seem to understand the level of engagement required for a young child. I think she would actually do well with older children.

If you weren't, I'd be clear with the next person what it's ok for them to cook in your kitchen. Noodles / crisps all sound like bland flavoured things not needing a lot of cooking as if she's not sure what she's allowed to use in your kitchen but thinks the kettle is ok.

Also there should be some flexibility for her to have a break (and phone her GP / order her groceries / read her email etc) while your child is having a nap / rest. There's a difference between this and ignoring/ not engaging with the child all the time. And like all employees she's entitled to breaks.

she sounds shit OP, glad you’re getting rid.

I’d be giving really clear feedback to the agency as well. Totally unacceptable and sadly just poor standards everywhere at the moment.

you sound like a great parent by the way.

It's interesting to hear the perspectives on phone use. I seriously think it's more of a generational thing rather than she's addicted to her phone. I occasionally use my phone at work (office job) but younger colleagues will pull it out midway through a conversation. I would never do that, as I find it quite rude!

They tend to be an agency that is more volume over quality so you need to be very certain you know what you are looking for when you use them.

That's very kind of you. I do feel a weight lifted. Thank goodness my mum can step up for a few weeks while we find someone, with a new agency (or perhaps no agency).

I do plan on letting them know exactly why it didn't work out and offer some suggestions. I do see now that I probably wasn't as clear as I should have been but at the same time, isn't that why I'm paying them? I am questioning how they even found this girl or how she made it though their recruitment process.

She presumably scrolled through her phone in front of you, so goodness knows what she’s doing/not doing when you’re not there. I’d sit her down and say. “This is what I expect: no phones during working hours, no eating crisps (or Pringles etc) in front of the child, who will want to copy you, outdoor play with you fully engaged [+ anything else which you expect] and if that isn’t acceptable to you, we’ll have to part company.” She’s supposed to be a professional after all and she’s not behaving professionally.

I didn't think of that. I did say during the first day she could help herself to anything and cook as she wanted but maybe she felt a bit timid. She does cook food for DD, but it's usually rehearing something we have meal prepped or a really simple dish like butter chicken or pasta. Although I know when they've gone out for lunch she usually gets something very basic for herself like a cheese toastie. I'm going to sound insanely OCD but I have on occasion looked at the menu of places they are going and provided her a list of things DD would like, as we are trying to grow her palate and I know there are things she will eat but wouldn't order as she's get sidetracked by the chips (can't blame her!). The one constant is the Red Bulls - she even gets one occasionally on the way back from an outing.

Yes, I plan on doing that with the next nanny. This one is done and I've told the agency as such. I do get reports from DD too (just when I ask her about her day, not an interrogation or anything) that the nanny is really good when they go out to things like a musuem or swimming. It's a funny disconnect.

Little Ones is an agency that advertises jobs that are way below going rate (not all jobs, but a significant number). They will take anyone who has a clean DBS, a couple of decent references and a first aid certificate. They have a lot of low quality candidates because none of the high quality ones will work for the money/T&C's offered by Little Ones.

If you want someone significantly better you may need to look at paying more.