Young nanny should be energetic, no?

[OnePoisedLilacEagle]

We recently hired a part time nanny for our DD who is four. She's a young woman, early 20s, good references, experienced, pleasant enough. She looks after DD three days a week. I usually work from the office those days but have occasionally worked from home so I have some insight into what's happening.

Issue is she has the energy of someone running on 2% battery at all times. She's extremely lethargic. Park time consists mostly of her sitting while DD runs around like an overly caffeinated squirrel. Activities are very much the "observe from a distance" kind. Even crafting is mostly her handing supplies and letting DD get on with it while she scrolls on her phone. When I suggested maybe playing a game outside, she smiled and said she prefers to "supervise calmly" rather than get involved unless needed.

Nothing is unsafe. But it is very passive. What also worries me is the lifestyle mismatch. She's a very unhealthy eater. Her lunches are usually instant noodles, energy drinks, or crisps sometimes all in the same sitting. DD has now started asking if she can have "nanny lunch" and I'm dying inside a bit. I've never commented on what she eats, but it does seem to reflect her general low energy approach to everything.

DD is absolutely climbing the walls by the time we get home, like she's been storing up chaos all day. It feels like I'm paying for someone who seems to think engagement is an optional extra.
I expected someone young doing childcare, even part time, to be a bit more energetic and involved. I don't want a nanny doing a bootcamp workout in the playground, but a pulse above "mild hibernation mode" would be nice.

AIBU to think her age and being hired specifically for childcare should equal at least some actual interaction and enthusiasm? Is it time to have words with her about expectations? I am comfortable having the conversation but also don't want to be unrealistic about what is expected of a nanny, as I've never had one before.

Take her age out of the equation. She isn’t modelling behaviour you find appropriate or engaging with your child in your preferred way. There is a mismatch of expectations.

Speak to her about what you are unhappy with and give her a chance to change and fit your expectations. If she can’t then it’s not working out and you need a new nanny.

It depends what you want your nanny to do, but for what most people want a nanny to do a phone is essential these days. It's completely different to working in a school. For a start most people would want their nanny to be contactable throughout the day.

I'm a nanny and today I used my phone to:

Arrange a playdate for next week with another nanny.
Ask a nanny friend about a piece of equipment MB wanted to get for the DC.
Book softplay.
Check bus times and route information.
Check library opening times.
Email a class teacher about a missed lesson.
Take photos of DC.
Send photos of DC.
Message MB and DB about an issue with the cleaner.
Respond to a message from DB about babysitting.
Ask MB to pick up some milk on her way in.

All of these things are standard requirements of a nanny. You can ban phones if you want, but you'd need to think carefully about the practicality of it.

I don't think anyone would expect any of these from a teacher/TA/other school staff. I assume school staff would have access to the internet via a laptop/PC if they needed to research something.

She's not the right fit for your family, and I agree with you on your expectations of a nanny. No doubt her poor diet is the cause of her lack of energy.

I'd be seeking a new nanny.

That doesn’t sound like a good setting at all. Maybe you could encourage your daughter to move? You are not supposed to direct every little move that a child makes, no, but you should be moving amongst the group checking on everyone. You demonstrate examples of what they could do if they’re struggling to know where to start, or need guidance or help with something, show them the safest way to do something, notice and praise when a child achieves something, intervene when a child is doing something dangerous or if they’re being unkind to another child. You model sharing and using appropriate language, use interesting vocabulary and chat with them about what they’re doing including questioning them to check they understand the activity.

it’s really not ok to just sit there. I work in a school and anyone not interacting with the children or adequately supervising them in independent play would be reprimanded. It’s just not good enough.

I would be getting another nanny.

Phone use in front of a child is not acceptable. They're paid to play. Not ignore the child.

She should also be setting a good eating habit in front of a child too.

Sounds like she's not interested in her job.

Is she actually an experienced/qualified nanny? Or is she an unqualified babysitter from an agency like Koru Kids?

Ok fair point..I assumed however the parents would be booking any groups or soft play in advance (as they might have a schedule for the week) and made an assumption that a lot of nannies drive (as that's often a requirement I see on adverts). I get your point however about being contactable though.

Edited to ask, are there no safeguarding concerns having photos of their child on your phone? As again that is a big reason why staff (and visitors) aren't allowed to use phones on school grounds. I am not sure as a parent I would like someone else taking photos on a personal device.

Op, I think you need to be very direct in your instructions and expectations. “Ellie, I would prefer if you used your phone only when necessary while looking after DD, please could you keep it in the drawer when you aren’t using it as part of your work.”

how do you know what she’s like in the playground with DD, by the way, if you’re not there?

Yes is it one of those (piss poorly paid I might add) Koru kids type set ups?

She sounds more like a baby sitter than a nanny, she won’t change.

Is she paid as a babysitter or a professional nanny? I think there is a difference. The phone use in itself is not OK for either. It's fine if you're looking for someone more professional, but if you're paying babysitter rates you may struggle.

She works with babies, so is very busy minding them, but for four year olds my understanding is that there is a lot of non-directed play. I wouldn't expect the whole day to be non-directed - there would be other activities which would require more engagement. But in a playground it is entirely ok to let a child play without nanny playing too, as long as nanny is vigilant.

I did ask the OP what qualifications this woman has (no answer). But anyway the nanny industry is completely unregulated, unlike child minders and nurseries. Often it's just people who want a bit of extra cash. And if you employ someone completely unqualified, you have to have realistic expectations about what they will be doing.

It doesn’t seem like she’s stimulating your child at all and I’d be bothered by the eating too. If you like her arrange a review and talk through what you expect. Does she get a lunch break? If no it’s tricky to dictate what she eats although saying no unhealthy treats in front of child is reasonable

YANBU. She sounds rather lazy. I'm sure that she's perfectly nice, but kids need someone with a bit of get up and go. And she most certainly shouldn't be scrolling her phone while at work, in no world is that acceptable.

Well it would if she worked in nursary or a school, you need to contact the agency. As a parent there's no way I would want a nanny distracted by her phone supervising my 4yo...or in fact having their phone out at all.

I can't believe that she thinks her behaviour is acceptable. No way does ANY job allow you to sit on your arse scrolling on a phone . I look after kids and while I won't be running around a playground I will be watching closely, be encouraging,etc. And you can't eat crap like crisps in front of kids who can't have them . Get rid especially if an agency. Let them deal with her .

You pay. If you aren't happy employ another nanny.

You won’t be able to fix this nanny by telling her to play with your child. She’s too wrong for the job to tweak.

get someone else who is a natural fit for the role

The good thing with employing a nanny is that you're in charge, there is no regulator telling you what to do, so it's entirely up to you whether you allow photos or not.

Ime 100% of parents do want to see photos of their kids throughout the day (and for their childhood to be recorded in photographs). If you're employing someone who is going to spend 10+ hours a day looking after your children on their own, dressing them, changing their nappy/wiping their bum, bathing them, taking them swimming etc. it would be odd to then not trust them to take a photo and send it/store it sensibly. I've never known a family to provide a work phone for this purpose, which would be a workaround for anyone who wanted photos, but didn't trust the nanny to have them on their own phone.

Most nanny contracts will have a clause preventing sharing photos on social media etc.

Being a nanny is very, very different from working in a school.

I think YABU to assume that young = energetic.

This. UANBU to expect the child to get exercise and burn off their energy. But look for an energetic nanny, not a young one.

Thank you all for the advice. Much appreciated. I've emailed the agency already and told them it isn't working out and her last day will be Friday. We've never had household help before so I wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable but clearly I need to be explicit about what I'm looking for and set expectations.

I honestly think it's a Gen Z thing, based off of working with quite a few early 20-somethings. They don't see anything off or unprofessional about being glued to their phones or walking around with earbuds or headphones in all day long. I didn't realize I'd have to set such clear and explicit expectations for her (my mistake) but I think she truly believes sitting scrolling on her phone next to DD doing her art is normal. That's how some of these kids hang out, they sit next to each other on their phones and don't communicate 🤣🤣

Which agency are you using?

Little Ones. Not sure if we'll keep using them as this has left a sour taste in my mouth...

As someone else asked, is she a qualified nanny ? i.e. Level 3 childcare / early years as a minimum.

Surely you provide all meals for her whilst she is at work, and she just cooks / makes this for the two of them ?

and using a mobile whilst on duty - no no no.
she can have one with her whilst out with your child - so she can make a call in an emergency !