Young nanny should be energetic, no?

[OnePoisedLilacEagle]

We recently hired a part time nanny for our DD who is four. She's a young woman, early 20s, good references, experienced, pleasant enough. She looks after DD three days a week. I usually work from the office those days but have occasionally worked from home so I have some insight into what's happening.

Issue is she has the energy of someone running on 2% battery at all times. She's extremely lethargic. Park time consists mostly of her sitting while DD runs around like an overly caffeinated squirrel. Activities are very much the "observe from a distance" kind. Even crafting is mostly her handing supplies and letting DD get on with it while she scrolls on her phone. When I suggested maybe playing a game outside, she smiled and said she prefers to "supervise calmly" rather than get involved unless needed.

Nothing is unsafe. But it is very passive. What also worries me is the lifestyle mismatch. She's a very unhealthy eater. Her lunches are usually instant noodles, energy drinks, or crisps sometimes all in the same sitting. DD has now started asking if she can have "nanny lunch" and I'm dying inside a bit. I've never commented on what she eats, but it does seem to reflect her general low energy approach to everything.

DD is absolutely climbing the walls by the time we get home, like she's been storing up chaos all day. It feels like I'm paying for someone who seems to think engagement is an optional extra.
I expected someone young doing childcare, even part time, to be a bit more energetic and involved. I don't want a nanny doing a bootcamp workout in the playground, but a pulse above "mild hibernation mode" would be nice.

AIBU to think her age and being hired specifically for childcare should equal at least some actual interaction and enthusiasm? Is it time to have words with her about expectations? I am comfortable having the conversation but also don't want to be unrealistic about what is expected of a nanny, as I've never had one before.

Your post is very ageist!
What was the job spec? What did references say? Some families would be happy with the supervising at an arm’s length but you want someone more actively involved. But you will
only get that if you specify that and then ask appropriate questions in the interview and if referees. That’s not fail safe as they might describe what they think will be your ideal day but you can ask questions like whether they’d go cycling with your DC or take them running and so on

Oh I used to run a toddler group when mine were small and you would see Nannie’s like this: just not interested in the kids. It can be a bit heartbreaking to watch, I always have those kids an extra clap and a bit of engagement.

I would let her go. I think it’s awful for a child to be minded by someone who has no real interest or engagement with them all day.

No minder will be perfect but I do think this is is bad.

You set the job expectations, not her. So she can’t say she wants to “supervise calmly” from a distance if that’s not what you’re looking for.

I think you do get to say what you expect, eg -

1. phone completely away whilst looking after your child - nurseries require phones to be locked away other than on a lunch break. You can’t really say that but you can give an emergency number her friends and family can call, and require to have her phone out of sight and reach except during her lunch break.
2. you can require her to engage with your dd - play games, participate in activities, etc Nannies are meant to be early educators, not babysitters to literally just get through the time with everyone still alive.
3. you can’t tell her what to have for lunch but perhaps she could eat separately from your DD? Does dd nap for example?

Sounds like she’s a bad fit though.

what a venomous reply.

just because I didn’t comment on every single detail doesn’t make me incompetent in my own job thank you very much.

What do you think incompetent means, @DaisyChain505?

When a trained practitioner (presumably) like yourself misses very obvious safeguarding concerns and instead homes in on irrelevancies and then uses manipulative language to misrepresent facts, yes, that does make you incompetent.

Instead of attaching emotive adjectives to my factual assessment of your response, please reflect and raise your standards.

I thought the reply from @QuinqueremeofNiveneh hits the nail on the head. In the UK we don’t value childcare jobs so it is underpaid.

Oh great a massive derail between two posters.

Is she parking your dd in front of the tv or a tablet when you arent looking/there? It’s lazy parenting frankly

Jesus wept, there’s absolutely no need to be so nasty. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the way @DaisyChain505 responded. I hope you’re not a nanny employer, you sound horrid.

Also as a nanny I don’t ’lock my phone away’ because I’m a professional adult who can be trusted to use it when appropriate. (Checking recipes, booking activities, responding to the parents, googling the library opening times, checking the bus route, reading an email about forest school, watching a YouTube tutorial about how to make paper dolls because my charge is on at me to produce them suddenly…I do not need training or micro-management in phone use around children)

As per the OPs earlier post, the matter from her point of view has been resolved.

No harm in a little discussion around the topic, surely?

This doesn't sounds right, especially the phone.

I think you need to set out your expectations with her and see if there is a change.

We have an excellent nanny for my 3yo during the day and 5yo after school.

She covers the early years cirriculum with my 3yo as would happen at a child care setting. Socialises with other nannies/children for playdates and is very involed in playing, outings to library, playgrounds, local museums, swimming, baking and crafts etc.

I wouldn't worry about the nanny's diet, though i'm sure it is contrubuting to lethargy!

She should be prepping healthy meals and snacks for the child. I have a chart on the fridge listing ideas for snacks, lunch and supper.

What are you paying her? A decent nanny is at least £18 an hour. If you're paying babysitter rates then you will get a babysitter who will keep your child safe and that's it. I don't really see why you want her to play at the park, the whole point of the park is that children can play independently for a bit.

I nannied on one day a week for a while after crippling osteoarthritis in both my hips put an end to my 30 year career as a childminder.
The parents knew I couldn’t take the little girl out of the house as I couldn’t walk very far but that certainly didn’t stop us having a full day of activities.
I baked cakes with her, did arts and crafts, played pretend, read books and generally did everything I had done for all the years I was a childminder.
I sat and ate the (healthy ) I had made for us and then cooked tea for her and her older brother when he arrived home from school.
What I lacked in physical ability I more than made up for in energy and enthusiasm!
Get rid and find someone who really wants to do the job.

Again, I can hear that you are upset and, regrettably, taking this personally, but this is a work matter. It's about competence and standards.

High expectations are not "venom" or "nastiness". You do surely see the distinction?

As a nanny, you ought to be aware that mobile phone use in any childcare setting is automatically a safeguarding issue and requires careful agreement and management.

The earlier poster also asserting themselves as a nanny was happy to advocate for the mischaracterisation of a child's behaviour in order to manage a challenging situation. Shows a clear lack of probity.

As things stand, you are both rather niftly making my point about low standards in the UK childcare sector for me!

*(Healthy) lunch

Not really, but you are certainly making yourself sound incredibly obtuse and not a knowledgeable source on the subject. Also woefully misunderstanding of emotion if you think you’ve upset anyone in real life, just for responding to the way you word your posts. You get good childcarers and average ones and terrible ones, just like in all professions- it’s a mixed bag. In general it might help to to adjust your blank and white thinking.

Ok, interesting!

What is it that you're objecting to?

Mobile phones as a safeguarding risk requiring careful management and agreement?

Or my preference for nannies not to advocate for lying when describing a child's behaviour?

No one was suggesting ‘lying’ but sometimes people require more careful management. It’s a bit of a carrot and stick approach. Or, a shit sandwich, you know- this could be improved, you do this brilliantly, but you need to focus more on this. You must have encountered the concept before?

No one is saying unnecessary phone use around a child you are meant to be engaging with is a good thing. No one. They have said it needs a professional approach and should never take your attention away from a child you are supposed to be looking after.

None of your what ifs answer the questions I was asking of the OP. Only they know the answers.

If a nanny needs such careful management that the only way to address their underperformance is for the client to misrepresent herself as struggling with her child's energy levels (i.e. lie), then I think it is quite clear that the nanny is not the right person for the role. And it is also quite clear that for any professional to suggest such a course of action is unethical.

And to be clear, again, I was not referring to "unnecessary" phone use. I was making the point that mobile phones in the childcare setting are a safeguarding risk that requires careful agreement and management. This should be a top priority and a glaringly obvious point for anyone working in this area.

Your colleague's initial response to the OP I thought lacked clarity and substance, and she was unable to respond to my critical comments with anything other than emotive adjectives and obfuscation. Which is entirely in keeping with what I expect from childcare "professionals" in the UK but also a giant shame.

I don't think we are going to agree on any of this, and it is probably best that we leave it here. Thanks for your contributions.

What ‘colleague’?! I work alone, I don’t have colleagues.

Is English not your first language- as I think we’re on vastly different pages here with now we understand each other. Most of what you’re saying makes little sense or adds any relevance to the responses given.

Letting DD get on with it while she scrolls on her phone? This alone is a sacking offence ~ have you at least spoken to her about it?

which agency did you use

how long has she been with you

what does contract say about notice - if a month you will need to give her 4w or pay her it

Oh seen. You said little ones

that says it all

always terrible views on this agency

She’s lazy, time for her to go.