Young nanny should be energetic, no?

[OnePoisedLilacEagle]

We recently hired a part time nanny for our DD who is four. She's a young woman, early 20s, good references, experienced, pleasant enough. She looks after DD three days a week. I usually work from the office those days but have occasionally worked from home so I have some insight into what's happening.

Issue is she has the energy of someone running on 2% battery at all times. She's extremely lethargic. Park time consists mostly of her sitting while DD runs around like an overly caffeinated squirrel. Activities are very much the "observe from a distance" kind. Even crafting is mostly her handing supplies and letting DD get on with it while she scrolls on her phone. When I suggested maybe playing a game outside, she smiled and said she prefers to "supervise calmly" rather than get involved unless needed.

Nothing is unsafe. But it is very passive. What also worries me is the lifestyle mismatch. She's a very unhealthy eater. Her lunches are usually instant noodles, energy drinks, or crisps sometimes all in the same sitting. DD has now started asking if she can have "nanny lunch" and I'm dying inside a bit. I've never commented on what she eats, but it does seem to reflect her general low energy approach to everything.

DD is absolutely climbing the walls by the time we get home, like she's been storing up chaos all day. It feels like I'm paying for someone who seems to think engagement is an optional extra.
I expected someone young doing childcare, even part time, to be a bit more energetic and involved. I don't want a nanny doing a bootcamp workout in the playground, but a pulse above "mild hibernation mode" would be nice.

AIBU to think her age and being hired specifically for childcare should equal at least some actual interaction and enthusiasm? Is it time to have words with her about expectations? I am comfortable having the conversation but also don't want to be unrealistic about what is expected of a nanny, as I've never had one before.

There is a balance to be struck because, as a nanny, I am a huge believer in letting the child play and create things on their own if they’re really engaged in something. It’s such an important skill to have. In fact it’s part of the Montessori method, that if a child is independently concentrating on something you should give them space, just be ready to help or encourage when needed. I recently temped for a family that wouldn’t give their toddler a single minute to explore something on her own without directing her play or getting in her face and making it a learning opportunity for vocab or whatever and expecting the same from me, it drove me up the absolute wall, I could never work for people like that permanently.

However this does sound like she’s talking the easy route each time, and that’s not on. As a forty year old nanny I can tell you I’m very rarely sitting down. I’d never pass up an opportunity to get out and about in the fresh air. And mindlessly scrolling her phone is unprofessional.

I'd definitely be expecting her to encourage and explore my child's curiosity about the world around them and engaging in active play. Sitting on her phone and eating junk is modelling that behaviour to your child so I'd be looking for a replacement asap.

Replace asap
this is wrong.
poor eating habits, passive, disinterested- she’s probably just nannying because she can’t be ar5ed to do anything else

but…. Good luck finding a replacement - tough market

just so you understand, when you’re getting rid of someone who works in your personal home just e.g. not liking them is enough of a reason

I don't think this is a good fit. Surely there's a probation period and it can just be terminated?

She doesn't sound suitable for childcare at all , she should not be using her phone at all ? I wonder how much of the day she is using it ?
I have a friend who has cameras in her house for when MIL babysits even to make sure her child is not in front of the TV.
My sister in law had a nanny that let my niece sleep 3 hours in the afternoon 😡

I know a nanny that is 60 years old , still working full time and she is taking her two that she looks after to a group or activity in the morning and then a walk / park /outing in the afternoon ,baking followed by stories / sensory activities and craft ,helping to prepare the evening meal .
She also provides the parents with a plan of what they will be doing during the week .

You could ask the agency for:
We are seeking a caring, energetic childcare provider who can be a positive role model for our child. The ideal candidate will actively engage with her, help her burn off excess energy, and foster both physical and creative development.
The role includes spending a designated amount of time outdoors each day and, when indoors, engaging her in age-appropriate activities such as imaginative role-playing, puzzles, arts and crafts, and other creative learning experiences. We are looking for someone who can be a trusted companion and supportive presence—almost like a best friend—while maintaining appropriate boundaries.
We believe in fully present caregiving, so phone use should be reserved for emergencies. We also encourage healthy habits and ask that junk food not be eaten in front of our child.

While you think this is all straightforward. People are trying to make a living and there are people in every profession who just do it for money and have no ambition or drive 🤷‍♀️

From a safeguarding perspective she shouldn’t have her phone out as such with the little one.

She sounds lazy and disengaged - I think quite a few younger less experienced nannies can be when they don't have the passion for the children. Change her - you can't teach someone how to want to engage and play with a child.

It sounds as though she is bored and not making an effort. Childcarers don’t need to be bouncing up and down like the kids as long as they are connecting with them, making things fun and being truly interested in their experience. I bet your DD is craving actual attention and that’s why she’s climbing the walls!

My daughter works in child care. They are expected to be much less directive and involved in play - sitting in the playground while the child runs about and setting up a craft activity for the child is pretty normal tbh.

Is she at all qualified? Working part time at her age would raise some questions for me. Why is she not working in a full time role? Is she not motivated to want more? Does she want to be in child care or does she just see it as a bit of extra cash?

YANBU, sounds like the level of engagement I show my children when I've been out late with friends the night before and had a few too many. There's no way I'd pay someone to provide that sort of care. Does she have a sleep in the ball pit too when she takes your DC to soft play?

I fully agree that there are times when you back off as a parent/carer and let the kids get on with it. So if they've made a little friend at the playground or you've initiated a game or activity which they're developing by themselves. Or they're engaged in something on their own. But I'd expect someone who chooses to work with children actually to enjoy playing with, speaking to and teaching them things for a lot of the time. And I'd expect a nanny to develop some sort of bond with my child.

I don't like the border line age discrimination in your post and I'm quite glad you've learnt your lesson on that one!

But YANBU.

I wouldn't bother having a chat though. Something like this is too inherent in who she is/how she works. She's not interested. She's not engaged. She prefers to 'supervise instead of get involved'. If you talk to her it will change when you're at home and not the rest of the time.

I think it's time to look for another nanny.

In our nanny contract were the phrases
"mobile phone use is to be kept to an absolute minimum during the day and is limited to checking messages only"
"activities and outings should benefit our children, socially, mentally and/or physically, please ensure our have sufficient interaction with you at all times"

We had to put those in after experiencing other people's nanny's who were often woefully neglectful!

You firstly need to sit down with her and explain what you expect. (or just sack her and get a better nanny)

A good nanny contract will always stipulate no phone use around the children unless it’s a necessary (checking directions, following a recipe, communicating with parents, etc). I’ve had three nannies.

i think you should fire her.

She’s not what you’re looking for, and never will be.

Is this real? You saw her crossing her phone whilst she’s working? I’ve had several Nannie’s and never done anything like this. I expect nanny to be totally engaged and playing. I think she’s not right fit so I’d get rid. At 4 I reckon your daughter might get much more out of a nursery but if you need a nanny I’m sure you can find a better one than this. Spell out expectations at interview & do a trial shift. I wouldn’t assume anything based on age. Plenty of young people are lazy and glued to their phones.

I wouldn’t have a chat with her, I’d immediately be looking for someone new. A nanny should be fully engaged with your child, teaching and playing, eating together. She is setting an example and your daughter is soaking up everything from the role models around her. I truly hope you find someone so much better for your family.

i had a very ‘professional’ nanny who had excellent references who had a phone addiction. Constantly on her phone, always claiming to be speaking to her kids or family members.
my toddler soon started asking for a phone too.
I’m a sahm who wfh very, very PT so had a good overview of what was happening.
I couldn’t understand how she had such great references and this not be a problem. Until I realised that she was in sole charge of these kids. No parent at home. I addressed it with her and she tried to change, but she couldn’t manage. I let her go

I would be contacting the agency and asking them if this is their typical standard of nanny.
I agree she might not be energetic all the time, but as a nanny she should be interested and engaged in the child. She should be setting up craft activities for example and working with her to do them, she certainly shouldn't have a phone out. I would expect it to be kept in her bag apart from a set break time, and to only access it other times of there was a good reason (waiting for a doctor's appointment phone call).

This kind of phone restriction is unrealistic, but it should be used for work only during the day (expect during her lunch break).

Find a new nanny

I work in a school and we can't have our phones on us. Phones must be kept in our bags and can only be used in the staffroom or office area.

I would expect similar conditions for a nanny working with a child.

She doesn’t sound qualified for the job, your child may be better suited to a preschool or childminder who actually cares about your child enough to display healthy behaviours of engagement. I’d be really concerned, from the eating, to the screen time and lack of interaction with your DD. This is really bad tbh

The nanny isn't wearing a bikini

I would just look for someone else