Young nanny should be energetic, no?

[OnePoisedLilacEagle]

We recently hired a part time nanny for our DD who is four. She's a young woman, early 20s, good references, experienced, pleasant enough. She looks after DD three days a week. I usually work from the office those days but have occasionally worked from home so I have some insight into what's happening.

Issue is she has the energy of someone running on 2% battery at all times. She's extremely lethargic. Park time consists mostly of her sitting while DD runs around like an overly caffeinated squirrel. Activities are very much the "observe from a distance" kind. Even crafting is mostly her handing supplies and letting DD get on with it while she scrolls on her phone. When I suggested maybe playing a game outside, she smiled and said she prefers to "supervise calmly" rather than get involved unless needed.

Nothing is unsafe. But it is very passive. What also worries me is the lifestyle mismatch. She's a very unhealthy eater. Her lunches are usually instant noodles, energy drinks, or crisps sometimes all in the same sitting. DD has now started asking if she can have "nanny lunch" and I'm dying inside a bit. I've never commented on what she eats, but it does seem to reflect her general low energy approach to everything.

DD is absolutely climbing the walls by the time we get home, like she's been storing up chaos all day. It feels like I'm paying for someone who seems to think engagement is an optional extra.
I expected someone young doing childcare, even part time, to be a bit more energetic and involved. I don't want a nanny doing a bootcamp workout in the playground, but a pulse above "mild hibernation mode" would be nice.

AIBU to think her age and being hired specifically for childcare should equal at least some actual interaction and enthusiasm? Is it time to have words with her about expectations? I am comfortable having the conversation but also don't want to be unrealistic about what is expected of a nanny, as I've never had one before.

She sounds like a useless lazy lump. Not a good role model for children so probably best to find someone with energy and a spark.

This sounds awful. Your child would be better off at a nursery than being handed craft supplies by some scrolling their phone.

Scrolling is not ok.

Phone use is ok, as she has no break from child. But it should be for things like route planning for their outings, texting you info or emergencies, not scrolling. I would be so mad!

If I were you I wouldn’t bother trying to fix this. I’d find someone new.

Also specify that they should be prepared to eat with the children. You should leave enough food for them both to prepare and have a healthy lunch together.

Talking to her is not suddenly going to transform into a more energetic and engaged nanny. I would be appalled at the eating behaviour she is modelling for your child. My child had a tooth enamel problem and had never had sweets or chocolate for this very reason and when he asked me for a chocolate afghan I realised that she had ignored my very specific instructions and how I cursed her when my child had three fillings in his permanent teeth. He was pretty annoyed hopeless in the job. My mother had been there when we had temporary live-in nannies and with the nanny for the first child and had approved of all the others so she wasn't some bitter harridan. My mother in her late 60s was gamely clambering over rope bridges with my children. The crowning point of the nanny's achievements involved leaving the baby in a capsule on the ground on the road side of the car on a street with a blind corner while getting the toddler out the other side. My neighbour saw it and told me.

It's not the right nanny for you, so look for someone else. I don't think you can state that a "young" nanny should be more energetic than someone older, that kind of preconceived judgments is probably what landed you with the wrong person in the first place.

That said, I have had very similar impression from nursery staff in some of the settings I've visited for my kids. I was really surprised by the complete lack of energy and engagement in some places, where they just seemed to sit and wait for the kids to interact with them. At best they would read a book if asked. It wasn't all settings, but often the cheaper private nurseries.

Little Ones is one of the more established agencies so I’m surprised they’ve sent someone with such a lazy approach to the profession. Does your DD like her?

She sounds utterly disengaged. I'd be looking for someone who actually wanted to work with children.

Yanbu, shes lazy and not right to be a nanny.

Perhaps you can phone the agency and talk to them about what happened, and ask what they say to their staff about these things. Expecting a nanny to interact with the child rather than their phone and making a healthy lunch is a minimum really. It’s possible that some benign neglect parents care less. But since you’re making it very clear you do, expectations can be set at both ends. Is the contract from the agency? What does it say about minimum standards? Do they have policies on e.g. social media?

Think you’ve answered your own question in the first post. I’d expect a nanny to do at least as much as I do with DD in terms of active play, and probably more because while I am also doing cooking/cleaning/whatever while DD’s at home with me, a nanny is there only to look after the child.

I’m surprised actually that someone calling herself a nanny has the balls to think that scrolling her phone while your daughter plays counts as doing her job adequately.

From your description, she doesn't sound lethargic, she sounds uninterested in her job, and lazy!! If she's being paid to Nanny, then she needs, at the very least, to like children and to be around children. As a Nanny you'd expect her to be engaged fully with your child, not sitting on the sidelines scrolling on her phone. Does your Nanny have professional qualifications? Have you checked her references? You can't police what your Nanny eats, that's down to her, as an adult.

It’s fine to let children get on with their own activities they are engaged in. And at playgrounds it’s normal to let children do their own thing, it also gives them an opportunity to interact with other children. But there should also be times when they are playing and interacting with the adult. Especially if they have no children to play with.

At four, do you not think a child care setting would better fit your DD?

well done... Yes a list of expected tasks /contract is the way to go!

Yes be clear what you are looking for but bear in mind a ‘good’ experienced nanny won’t need to be hand fed. They should just be able to get on with it and know exactly what’s expected.

I would get rid. She will not change into an enthusiastic young thing. She is not the right fit.

I don’t think discussing expectations will be fruitful. She is supposed to be a professional. And her professional opinion and approach is not engaging, not playing, not organising activities that will advance your child’s development. That is who she is. So I think you would be better just getting a new nanny.

It's nothing to do with age or energy but everything to do with attitude. You made a suggestion which she didn't take on board. You asked her to be active, and she said no, I'll be passive, thanks. Get someone else asap.

Sounds absolutely terrible to me, but the fact is that childcare standards are very low in the UK. Nursery staff are barely trained and spend most of their time box ticking development charts (and many appear to hate children!)

So there's a big cultural issue here, which I think means people are used to the kind of things you describe and consider them to be normal.

The first question is, is she a proper, trained professional or just a nice girl looking for an easy gig? Are you paying her well or is she on the minimum wage? That will obviously determined what you can expect.

From my point of view, everything you have listed is a sackable offence. The lunch issue, which PP have dismissed, is an excellent example. Unless the nanny has a lunchbreak away from your child and has someone else covering her 30 minutes, what she prepares and eats with your child is very much part of the professional service she is offering you and an important learning experience for your child. Not just about healthy eating and clearing up but about sitting down, enjoying your food, having a chat. You know, being a human!

My feeling is that this nanny is entirely unteachable. She is not interested in early years development, and she clearly doesn't enjoy being around children. I love her "supervise calmly" phrase. What a load of tosh!

The main problem and potential solution is that, regardless of age, these kind of low level practitioners in the UK (cleaners are another good example) are very immature, have a poor level of education, possess almost no self-control or ability to reflect, so are liable to fly off the handle at the tiniest hint of criticism. So it will probably be very easy for you to get rid of her. Just gently raise a few queries about how things are going, she will flounce off and you can recruit someone new (hopefully with probing interview questions and very clear expectations) who won't offer this parlous level of care to your child who, along with all children in the UK, deserves much, much better!

get rid she sounds absolutely useless. Scrolling on phone would be sackable immediately from me - she is supposed to be caring for and playing with a young child not setting a poor example

This is personally why I would not have used a one to one childcare person - I think nursery/childminder so much better suited for energetic kids - be with other children, adults are actually working so fully engaged.

At 4 yrs old is this wraparound for other childcare like nursery/ pre school or the only childcare?

I would want my 4 year old playing iwth other children tbh there is no adult that will be as engaging and creative in their play as another child!

Sorry @OnePoisedLilacEagle, I somehow missed your latest update! Best of luck with the new nanny, hope you find someone really excellent.

Is there any reason why your daughter isn't at nursery or even pre-school? Children of that age really need to be socialising with peers, rather than being merely babysat. Is this girl in any way qualified to be called a nanny? If she is, you should be making the agency aware that she's not behaving professionally - she's being paid, after all. If she isn't, why do you call her a nanny, rather than a baby sitter, which is how she seems to see herself?

Just go back to the agency and say she's not a good fit

Some parents do use both. There are a number of after-school nannying positions I see come up, for children who go to pre-school with short hours ie 9-3 or even 9-12 in some Montessori settings, and who are off for all holidays. The child may not be long four, so not due to go to primary school until this September but that doesn’t mean she’s never set foot in a nursery.

Nanny here, as much as I believe it is important that children can sit and play, do crafts etc without having to have an adult do it for them/with them, this shouldn’t be the only type of play she’s getting.

I would ask for a catch up with her, let her know the positives that you’re really pleased with and then drop in that you’re struggling with DDs energy levels and you’d love it if she could incorporate some higher energy burning activites.

When I have looked after children of that age we would do things like go swimming, ride bikes to the park for a play, bake at home, toddler groups, soft plays.

The nanny is on her phone during working hours, did you miss that? This is a major safeguarding issue, major. How can you possibly, as a self-identified nanny, miss/ignore that??

And what is with this wishy, washy, roundabout language and mollycoddling? Clarity matters in the workplace. The family are not struggling with their child's energy levels, they're struggling with a lazy and incompetent nanny. Plus it's inaccurate! Do you manipulate the families you work for in this way?

Absolutely inexcusable.

Possibly some CPD needed on the basics of childcare and safeguarding for you @DaisyChain505...