Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

I think yabu for not having declined that nonsense immediately.

She’s living in cloud cuckoo land if she thinks it’s reasonable to ask her friends to stump up £170 per person for a meal to celebrate her birthday.

If I were in your shoes I would decline and say that you would like to take her out for brunch or tea and scones somewhere smart, just the two of you, to celebrate her birthday. That way you get proper time with her and it’s on your budget.

Yeah it's the date. I'd try and make her change it. Maybe even tell her the budget you can afford? Hopefully others will do similar.

That is very expensive esp as you’d need hotel and travel. Seems a little insensitive. Even if you were in better financial circumstances it doesn’t sound like great value for money. I think a lot of people would say the same.

I appreciate you’ve not asked for ideas. Once a group of us had a private chef to cook at someone’s house. The food was great - it was not a lot more than a meal out (bought our own wine).

Given your situation you need to give your head a wobble and decline. You can’t afford it. Try to be a bit more sensible.

I could afford it, but there’s no way I would commit open ended to that. I probably wouldn’t commit even if it was guaranteed £170 each.

That's is an insane amount of money to ask people to spend on a birthday. Especially given your update on your bankruptcy (sorry to hear that!). Has she been to several life events for you (hen do, wedding, big birthdays, babyshowers, presents for birth of children)? If so, but she hasn't had these events herself yet, she may feel it's her "turn".

Good grief.
The absolute fkg audacity of some people!
You'll end up with a huge bill as people drop out. Plus I assume there will be a service charge on top. Hotel, travel, other meals & drinks.

It would be a no from me.

@christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem is it a refundable deposit? If not, I wouldn’t be entertaining this at all. If she’s struggling to get even 10 then given it’s Valentine’s she’s going to have drop-outs.

That would be a hard NO from me.
-You dont know what the final bill will be
-You dont know who will be going
-You could get landed with a huge alcohol bill that doesn't reflect what you drank

That's a lot of £££ for what could be a really shit evening out ending in conflict over the bill

Is the friend planning to pay their share or do they expect everyone to cover their bill?

So your finances are fucked and you are defaulting on your promises to pay, fucking your creditors over yet your still considering your spoilt friend’s folly of a birthday where you’ll spend £170 plus on a meal worth £70 or whatever. But it’s ok, because she’ll give you a party bag and take your photo.

I wouldn’t spend £170 on a day and evening out for someone with that expectant attitude.

Be careful op as you may end up being one of very few people who commit by sending money. I wouldn’t be surprised from what I’ve heard if she lies and says things to each person like ‘you’re the only one who hasn’t paid…’

Is it like this every birthday?!

You’re going to have to duck out of it completely. It’ll get way too awkward otherwise. Just say you don't have that kind of disposable cash anymore and ask her let you know if she fancies belated birthday drinks or lunch another time.

You might even need to get new friends now you’re in the normal world where most people would be embarrassed to even ask friends to spend that amount!

Not cheeky to ask. Not cheeky to say no.

£170 🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀

If she wants private dining exp she needs to pay for it

sure that will be out of many people’s budgets

unless you are all very rich

I’d have to be straight with her. ‘This sounds amazing, but I’m sadly I’m on a budget these days and I can’t justify £170 on dinner’.

Does she only have 8 friends

Definitely a no.
If she wants a elaborate Birthday venue.She can pay the deposit.This is a new one on me! When our Daughter turned 18, her Dad & I paid for her Friends to have a meal out! On her 21st we had a party at home.We never expected the guests to pay for anything.I wish her good luck, getting people to part with that much, just after Christmas! I think someone needs to give this friend? a reality check!

I think I’m being a bit thick. If the OP is filing for bankruptcy how can she afford £170 for a night out? Surely the reply to the invitation should be, “I can’t afford it”?

It sounds expensive and dull. Who wants to be stuck in a private dining room with no atmosphere, just 8 or 9 people. Can she not book a standard table in the main restaurant?

Geez the absolute cheek of her.

I swear I read a post a few months ago where the OP was asking if it's cheeky to ask her friends to pay a lot of money for her birthday which falls on another celebrated occasion in a posh place.

“Really sorry but £170 is more than I can afford to spend” - job done.

If you want to do something like that for your birthday then you foot the bill yourself, you don’t expect others to pay for it.

Oh really?

So this is the millionth fake thread I've fallen for then.

Was thinking the same thing when I read this post!