Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

How can you even be entertaining this if you’re filing for bankruptcy?! Madness!!

This

Really sorry but am unable to afford this amount of money at the current time. Happy to do something local with you on another date.
have fun

is what I would be saying x

I don't know if it's fake. I assumed the friend asking people to pay is also on MN? (Awkward if so). Or reverse post...

£170!
£170!!

I would never spend that amount on a friend's birthday. More importantly, I wouldn't dare ask people to spend that much for mine.

I can only assume that she's used to a lavish lifestyle if she thinks her birthday is worth that much money to other people.

Nope, this is very normal in my friendship group.

It's pretty much the same scenario but reverse... Original poster wouldn't say what the special date was, but said every year her birthday is rubbish because of it. A friend (IRL) said she should ask people attending to pay so she could afford the lavish dinner in an upmarket venue...

Ok so she doesn't have a big pool to invite. This plan is pretty risky. It could just be two of you attending.

If this is the final figure would you go? If yes tell her but that you won't be able to afford it if the number goes up. She really should be suggesting it with a minimum number of attendees criteria.

If you can't afford it / resent the cost as is then decline now.

wondering why I’m not friends with people who take me to Barcelona for weekends 🤔

This is the sort of message I’d send if I’d been taken hostage and needed my nearest and dearest to know I was being coerced. Asking people to drop £170 at this point in January, a month known to have 4000 days in it before pay day, and straight after Christmas would just receive a lol from most people I know!

No offence but I can see from all your posts on this thread why you're bankrupt. Did you learn nothing from that experience? Why are you still entertaining the idea of going?

Yep. My late DH was unable to work when he first became ill. At some point in the first few months, we went out to eat with a bunch of friends who are big drinkers (we never have been). In the past, the bill had been shared equally so we'd often been subsidising their expensive drinks, and sometimes their more expensive menu choices. But this time we simply couldn't, so had to ask at the beginning if we could simply pay for what we had. There was a really awkward change in atmosphere.

Don't get me wrong, these friends were generally good people, and when his illness became more serious and then terminal, they were a huge support. But I know just what you mean @MissAmbrosia

Either way it's all going to cripple you financially and she will become a right partyzilla and with her ego blame the guests if things go wrong
Would she fret this much effort for you?
Have you EVER told her NO??
What if everything after all that planning and money it does go pear shaped?
You can plan for a picnic but can't predict the weather......

This. Simples.

I know?! How would you even consider it for a nano second?!
Bizarre.

This restaurant sounds like a massive pain in the arse - two hours from city, £1500 minimum spend, etc. Also, if her math is £170 per person… that’s less than 10 people for £1500! So it’s not like she needs to rent out a bloody restaurant for so few! I understand you don’t want to turn the invitation down, but someone needs to tell her that this is madder than a box of frogs, and you have 170+ reasons to speak up.

The invitation isn't cheeky. People can issue whatever invitations they want. Just say no or, if that's too blunt, "No, thank you."

£170! She’s taking the piss

Also if she’s getting 170 from 9 people that’s 1530 and more than she needs

plus she is only paying £750 so she’s holding onto the excess for over a month. If she wasn’t a cheeky fucker she would have asked for half that just to cover the deposit and that would have been far more reasonable in terms of spend (although still too much for bankrupt OP). But then do the people who have paid the deposit get a special bracelet to make sure they don’t pay the initial spend but those who haven’t contributed do? Will the party girl send out invoices and credit notes after the event if more turn up than planned? This is the worst planned party I think I’ve heard of tbh

op and friends seem to have no financial understanding or basic maths skills tbh

3 options in my opinion...Option 1 you stay quiet to save any drama, face paying an absolutely ridiculous amount that is not set and could vary widely (Are there really going to be that many people who will go to this party?) enjoy your night and just accept the financial hit (Obviously only an option if you can afford to do so)

Option 2 you bring up the fact you are a bit worried about the cost, financial situation not great at the moment would feel more comfortable knowing the amount you are signing up for in advance to see if you can make it work in your budget. Bring up the question if its cheaper to not have it on valentines day etc?

or Option 3 "oh no I am so dissapointed but I am away that night at a wedding/christening/family event/pre-booked non refundable night away...so sorry to miss it but I will take you for lunch one of the days this week to celebrate" And just pray the date doesnt change 😅

Ridiculous request I think and I honestly cannot imagine asking my family/friends to fork out that much for my birthday just because I want to try x restaurant. With the cost of living (hate bringing it up but its valid here) it feels very unfair to ask people to sign up for an unknown but expensive amount I'm sure lots of people would rather be spending that sort of money on their mortgage or food shop or if they had it to spare a night away even rather than a meal. If a couple are invited (which presumably many will be) it could possibly cost them £400 before a gift is purchased.

£170 for a meal with randoms? No thanks.

Oh wow I have just seen this...Im sorry but ignore my previous post! No excuses needed, just a hard no. That is very unfair and entitled of her. If she wants this party she needs to pay the lions share

Oh wow I have just seen this...Im sorry but ignore my previous post! No excuses needed, just a hard no. That is very unfair and entitled of her. If she wants this party she needs to pay the lions share

My thoughts exactly!!! Insane. Must be a wind up.

Not surprised shes not got 10 mugs friends

🤣 or Rolls Royce ideas and push bike money. What a dose this person sounds, pure notions!!!