Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

A great thing I learned on Mumsnet.

It’s an invitation not a summons.

Hope you’re paying all of the money you owe to people before you go on your £170 night out. Can’t believe you’re even considering this

I think if you have any hope of recovering financially from bankruptcy you are going to have to decline paying £170 for a single meal.

You need to put yourself out of this misery.

I think honesty is the best policy.

So sorry friend, my circumstances have changed and I really can’t afford it at the moment.

If she’s genuine, she’ll understand, and if she doesn’t, you’ll have your answer that this friendship isn’t viable going forwards.

So entitled of her. Nope.. surely she wants a present too ?

She clearly needs to rethink her plan. I’d reply saying you’re worried about the cost spiralling as people drop out so don’t want to commit but you’ll keep the evening free if she can find a more budget friendly plan?

Yep,it's a NO from me. I am away that weekend. Prior engagement I cannot alter.

Holy cow!

You need to get really comfortable saying no now op, this one should be easy, she doesn't sound like an actual friend.

Just tell her.

this is beyond my budget, but I hope you have a wonderful time.

Does the £170 actually include food and wi r etc?

Have you seen some menus? How much is a meal likely to come to?.
At 170 it looks like she is hoping that 9 will attend.

I wouldn't dream of spending £170 on a night out!

We’ve just had a private dining room for our small wedding and that was £150 per head which we paid for everyone. I don’t think a lot of people who’s birthdays and hen dos for example take into consideration friends budgets or lack of, it does seem a lot for a dinner

So she wants a £1500 birthday party but would like to only spend £170 herself. That's pretty much it isn't it?

It be a no from me. That's my food budget for three weeks. Who pays 170. For one night

She should be paying .

This is how I would respond. It's polite but clear.

There’ll be 12.5-15% service on that minimum spend, btw.

She pays herself or you all go to Wetherspoons/somewhere else cheap

@christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem
Given your current financial status and your admitted spendthrift behaviour in the past, this should be an extremely easy decision for you OP.

Whenever you go out at the moment, you have to give yourself a very strict budget that you have to adhere to. It certainly wouldn't include subbing a minimum spend bar that you have no control over.

You HAVE to reframe your friend's opinion of you. You are no longer the friend that will spend over £1k on a night out.
You are the friend that has budget of £x which needs to cover transport, food and drink.

This would be a firm 'NO' from me.

If you are looking at potential bankruptcy, surely the answer only suitable answer is "sorry <name>, I just can't manage that this year, but I would love to have you over for dinner to celebrate your birthday. Would <date> work for you? Have a wonderful time!"

People will drop out and then it will be a nightmare to negotiate the minimum spend on the night. This is a cock up waiting to happen. Save yourself the drama and don't go.

Thank you for the invitation but sadly I am unable to commit to that level of expenditure - I look forward to celebrating your birthday with you in another way…

Hmm, hard knowing that you have splashed in the past. My DH retired last year and this has had an impact both on my priorities and available cash to spend on "luxuries" and it's interesting to see how others react when things change.

PP is right to mention that she is used to you splashing the cash.. I'd not be surprised if you were the one she expected to make up any shortfall on the night (or anything spent over the 1500)!