Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

There won’t be 15. She’s struggling massively for 10 on invites alone that’s not people who’ve accepted.

I could afford it... but there is no way I'd be spending at least £170 for food for 1 person.

you shouoldnt feel obligated to go just say you'll meet up with her another time

Yes, I would find that cheeky, but then my friends aren't in the same spending habits as yours based on what you've said about previous celebrations. So it probably isn't that unreasonable of her to ask you. But if she's a bit of a money bags, why does she need you to front the money 🤔. Or were you "the money" in the group?

Anyway, just tell her you can't go, you can't afford it, circumstances have changed.

Fwiw, I also had to start doing this when I got married and had kids. One group of friends wanted to do very expensive meet ups and I just told them I couldn't afford them. I only had to say it once and they didn't run me out of town for it. I swear it will be fine if you tell them

Just rip off the Elastoplast: ‘Hi, Julie - sounds spectacular! Unfortunately I won’t be able to make it, but wishing you a fabulous evening, love Barbara x’

sit back and wait for ten other identical messages to follow yours.

You cant make that date, but will take her out to lunch at a place to be decided by you. Don't encourage her CFness

A little cheeky?! No. It’s a fucking mahoosive amount of audacity. It would a be a laugh from me and a you canny be serious head tilt. What a joker.

So not only is she asking a lot of money, it's a lot of money to celebrate with a load of people you don't even know? 👀

I'd be suggesting a bottle of vino in the pub, leave them to it!

£170 minimum!!!!!! Her entitlement is off the scale.

What’s wrong with happy hour cocktails ??

I’ve paid less for a trip abroad than what she’s expecting.

What a CF

£170 each is ridiculous. I'm guessing it's a larger space for more people but she'd only inviting 9 or ten people? Is she even paying a share?

I'd reply saying you'd love to celebrate her birthday but £170 seems like a lot for a meal and a few drinks so how about we just book a table at restaurant instead?

If you want a party like that you pay for it yourselves.

a few years ago, my parents wanted to take the whole extended family (about 60 people) to a 5 star resort a few years. So they did. They paid for accommodation, food and a couple of set events. Extras like booze (outside dinner) were on the other family members so limits were set so no one could abuse hospitality but they wouldn’t have done anything else. And as it goes they are not a bit ‘share it out’ type people. They pass it down not out. But this was their choice so they felt it was their cost to bear.

Mate you can’t afford it - serious talk now.

I know someone who held a big bash for her 50th and charged everyone £150 to go to a charity. She didn’t mention beforehand that the cost of the party would be deducted from the donations first…

That's pretty diabolical tbh!

She wants a flash birthday party but wants the guests to pay for it. Fucking outrageous

Gift bags and a photographer???! What the fuck is wrong with the world? How is this even a thing for a birthday? It isn’t a wedding! I blame social media. Everything has to be a showy event now.

When people throw a party, they are supposed to pay for it. And that's what I feel like this is, it isn't just "grabbing some food" or whatever.

No way I'd be travelling and booking a hotel for the possibility of spending 100s of pounds to eat a meal.

I can't believe you have DECLARED BANKRUPTCY and are considering (likely, even) spending £170 minimum (and likely significantly more) before travel and hotel on a friend's birthday!

I mean, I can believe it as you are clearly horrendous with money but wow. How on earth are you presumably intelligent enough to get paid an amount high enough to cover your previous spending while lacking in any common sense or idea of proportionality whatsoever?

I would never pay this & would have no issues saying so.

Just say no. You can’t afford that. (Genuinely, you can’t afford it. Please don’t go!) I would put money on other people feeling the same as you do and hoping other people will also decline until the cost per head becomes untenable and the plan gets shelved.

All the more reason I wouldn't go. That's way too much effort and expense to spend the evening with a bunch of people you don't know well!

I'd just say sorry I can't make it, hope you all have a great time.
That's what I did when I got an invite to a birthday weekend which was staying at an ( admittedly very lovely ) country house .£450 per person , in the uk in march. Weather would have been rubbish, food and drink costs on top etc. What are people thinking sometimes.

I would say work out the maximum the night might end up costing you (what if only 4 or 5 come, add drinks? Etc) and decide if you would be able to pay that if not (and I wouldn't on principle) then you need to decline now.
I think you will make it a lot more awkward by saying you can't commit until you know the total, as presumably she needs to book it. So if she books and later tells you there are only 5 people coming, and you then say no thanks you will be setting yourself up for a massive guilty trip imo as she will have already committed.
Kinder to say sorry, but given my circs this year that is out of my budget, but id love to take you out for a drink/have you round for dinner/ whatever on another night instead?

Insane! Just tell her it's far too expensive. Suggest going for a curry.

Sorry you’re going bankrupt and she’s asking this of you?

She’s no friend at all. She will be lucky to get 2 to agree so you’ll be looking at 1500/3 on a good day.