Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

people will drop out making that price shoot up! It might be £200-300 per person in the end! I’d reply saying, sorry too rich for my blood! But I hope you have a great time! She needs to find a cheaper venue really. I’ve never spent £170 on food and drinks for myself!

You can’t afford this.

Add up the total event: transport, accommodation, pre dinner drinks.

Then work out the opportunity cost of that money. That is 2 weeks food shopping, new school uniform, paying off some debt.

Stop trying to keep up with someone else perception/ society pressure.

You can’t afford this.

@christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem what are you thinking?
Are you going to come back?

You couldn't put it better than this. Factual and polite.

Just to add if the total cost is £1500 if 10 people are going as suggested in your previous post thats £150 ahead. £170 a head is 9 people which suggests your friend is expecting her "friends" to pay for her party totally including her share.

It's ridiculous to expect friends to pay this much, and on valentines night, people will decline just for valentines,

She's being honest and upfront with her intentions. However i wouldnt go.

This is one of the most bizarre / hilarious threads I've read in a long while.

Only on Mumsnet do people have friends who make ridiculously wild demands. And only on Mumsnet do people seem to accept these demands as they are too afraid to say no.

If someone in my friend group suggested us forking out a minimum of £170 for a meal out, while subbing her because she would be paying for a photographer and gift bags, we would all be on the floor laughing.

She is not really a proper friend is she? If she was, you could tell her 'no'. If you lose her as a friend, why would you care? She sounds hideous.

You might want to go but can't! You have no idea how much you'd end up spending. You will have to explain this to her. Otherwise you are going to end up footing a massive bill when people drop out. Which they will.

Her celebration=she pays. That’s incredibly rude.

You simply cannot afford this so that’s your answer.

You may have splashed the cash in the past and she’s used to your previous spending levels but those days are gone. Just say no.

I actually can’t understand how you are even considering this due to your current circumstances.

Sorry but if she wants that sort of bash she needs to foot the bill! Cheek!

My view is that if you can afford and are happy to go, fine.

we don’t know your circumstances, your income and what you deem normal.

I wouldn’t pay it like, but whilst earning a decent wage, I’m not rolling in cash. You may be.

Unless your social circle are all well off though I’d not pay anything until others have confirmed. I’d say I’ll pay at that level, but let’s see if there are enough confirmations to make it viable before we all pay a penny

I suspect she is expecting others to pay her share as well.

I would tell her my max budget for food and drink is £50.

£170 for one person?! I wouldn’t be going

Please put your assertive head on and say "Sorry, I can't make it. Have an enjoyable evening"

I don't understand people who allow themselves to be guilt tripped into spending money they don't have.

Spend on cocktails at the next venue will probably be as much as the dinner itself if it’s central London

Assuming you’ll drink a lot!

It's a shame that your hair needs washing that night, but sadly, needs must

And either, at some stage, have a frank and honest conversation with her or just distance yourself

The mind boggles. I’m lost for words.

I think if you invite people to celebrate your birthday, you shouldn't expect them to pay.

Cheeky!

It depends on what is usual among your friendship circle, but this amount is insane, regardless.

Be honest. Tell her it sounds incredible but is way too expensive for you. Say you hope she has an amazing night and you look forward to celebrating with her afterwards and hearing all about it.

Definitely decline and as the person knows your personal financial circumstances, she is being massively insensitive and selfish