Little bit pissed off with ‘friends’ over Christmas

[bigsisteriswatchingyou]

I sent 2 friends a small Christmas gift each by post as live too far away to meet, one opened hers as soon as received and sent Whstsapp thankyou message, the other opened hers on Christmas Day and also sent WhatsApp thankyou message, neither sent me a Christmas card or anything… won’t be bothering next year.

Oh, I wouldn't sweat it. Last year I met up with two friends and gave small gifts, they didnt. This year one did and I and the other didnt. Next year we might all manage.

Thoughtful of you but don't give to receive- it's a recipe for sore feeling.

I don’t think you should send anything next year. A lot of people want less people to buy for, less of the mental effort it takes to buy and ship stuff, less money to spend. I really appreciate that my friends don’t give me anything as I don’t want to feel like I have to reciprocate.

If you didn't all agree in advance you were doing gifts then YA 100% BU to be pissed off

I think it’s reasonable not to send them a gift next year so YNBU.

But I wouldn’t judge them too harshly for not sending Xmas cards. It’s really dropping off in general. I didn’t receive many this year and anecdotally others are experiencing the same.

Sometimes I do gifts for friends and sometimes I run out of time and energy and don’t.

Anything I’m given I’m pleased to have been thought of, and when I give it’s not to receive :) If you don’t want to do gifts then don’t, but I don’t think anything should only be given so you expect something back.

Probably best if you don't bother next year- most adults don't want to give or receive Christmas gifts from friends - it adds far too many people to an already long and expensive list. Even less so if you aren't even seeing each other in person to exchange.

Do you historically give gifts to these friends?

What kind of gifts are you exchanging? I think now people are really aware of the absurdity of sending across a generic gift (box of chocolates, hand cream, wine, boots toiletry set etc) to receive in return a generic gift, that isn’t even your favourite kind of chocolate/toiletries.

Might as well send someone a nice picture, raising a drink to them and a heartfelt message instead.

Usually we’d all meet up for pre- Christmas lunch and exchange cards, but price of stamps is silly so I decided to get small smelly gift not a fortune £6 the same for both

I wouldn’t think so. As a group posting presents isn’t the normal for you, they probably appreciated your thoughtful gesture while thinking you weren’t giving to receive, a thank you text from them is enough. Yabu.

Small gift by post just makes me feel bad if I dont reciprocate or an extra job to get gift, parcel paper and get to post office.

Yea why do you bother? I only give a (token) gift if I’m seeing someone very near the day.
I was the last of my friends to have kids and I used to get them gifts. Then I had my own. One year my DD got a Boots toothbrush worth about 89p. I had bought her DD a Sylvannia family for about £20. And another texted me ‘oh I know you gave my kids gifts but they get so many I have no idea what you gave but thank you’. In April. She never gave my kids anything. Never gave a gift outside the family after that.
Cards are way down though. Too expensive. I still sent almost 40.

Don’t send gifts to receive.

Yeah to be honest, I don’t think your friends have done anything wrong here. It wouldn’t cross my mind to send an adult friend a gift in the post, if I wasn’t seeing them in person.

It seems that your gifts were unexpected, so they hadn't thought to include you in their shopping or their present buying budget. I wouldn't have expected anything back in your position.

As for cards, I get fewer every year, and even friends in another part of the country who would normally send one, didn't this year. It doesn't upset or offend me, though I do miss the days when we all used to get loads and they were a big part of my Christmas decor!

I tend to give small gifts to friends but don't mind if I don't get something in return so long as I'm thanked.

I nearly fell out with a friend who cancelled our pre christmas meet up, that in itself wasn't such an issue but I had a gift to give her and I asked if I could drop it off and she didn't reply. I re gifted the gift and she won't be getting anything next year.

Throughout my adult life, me and all my friends have considered it optional to give gifts to friends at Christmas. Sometimes, we all do, sometimes I miss a year or they miss one. It's not a big deal really. It's more casual with friends in that way, because you all understand each other.

I had thought that was standard, birthdays are a bit less casual. And, the occasional "I saw this and thought of you" gift, or gift from holidays happens too.

Totally upto to you wheter you send presents again or not. There's nothing unreasonable about that. But, it's not worth getting upset over either. Expecting gifts back, while giving them, kind of defeats the point imo and just adds unnecessary stress at an already stressful part of the year.

She bought her a cheap toothbrush? For a kid - that's worse than giving nothing at all.

I just think at this time of year you put yourself out a bit for friends and families… when I next in London I was gonna arrange to meet up for lunch but am in two minds now

Me and my Best friends don't exchange gifts but this year one of them very kindly sent me a xmas decoration in the post I did not reciprocate because I had enough to do and I don't feel that they did that just to get a gift in return.
Also - It could have been anything. From not as close friends this year I got perfume I don't like, hand creams I cannot use, a vibrating neck cusion that is just noisy and not relaxing, Candles which I never use.
I had to go out and get them a present as it is the "done thing" in that circle and quite frankly I would rather have not received any of that crap or had to buy them general tat.
We are adults for gods sake. If I want crao I can buy it myself!
If anyone had asked me, I would jhave likes some fluffy PJs and socks and a good book.

So you don’t normally exchange gifts? That could be why they didn’t send you one.

What? You are willing to lose friends over £6 candles? You don’t normally exchange gifts, you decided that you would send them something this year without them knowing you were, they thanked you and now you want to give up the friendships? It’s ridiculous.

If you usually give a gift then I can understand why you're disappointed but you've said you usually meet in person and clearly they both had the same thought or lack of thought over buying a gift. Are you likely to see them next year? If not, don't post a gift, but I imagine they might send you something next year, if they weren't expecting anything.

You don't give to receive, hope that helps.

I think you’re being unreasonable. You can’t expect people to mind read that you’ve decided to get gifts this year when you usually don’t. They said thank you I can’t see they’ve done anything wrong.

Surely you don’t give gifts to receive the equivalent value in return? It’s 6 quid - a nice gesture to show you’re thinking of them- you haven’t lent anyone a kidney. The fact you didn’t get anything in return doesn’t take anything away from your gesture or it’s supposed meaning.

Best not to bother next year if you can’t give for the right reasons.