Little bit pissed off with ‘friends’ over Christmas

[bigsisteriswatchingyou]

I sent 2 friends a small Christmas gift each by post as live too far away to meet, one opened hers as soon as received and sent Whstsapp thankyou message, the other opened hers on Christmas Day and also sent WhatsApp thankyou message, neither sent me a Christmas card or anything… won’t be bothering next year.

In two minds about meeting them because you posted a 6 quid gift and they didn’t?? That’s bonkers. They’re your friends, life is too short. Don’t be pissy over 12 quid, they may have a present they are waiting to give you in person like a candle or something which you obviously couldn’t post.

I still post presents to my uni friends and it’s a complete pain in the ass. I hate doing it every year. I queue in the post office for 25 mins to post the same old socks or scarf and it costs about a fiver. Pointless.

Talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face!! YABU. You said you usually exchange cards but because of the price of postage you decided you might aswel send a gift for the same amount, so how were friends to know you’d send a gift when you usually only exchange cards? Also you say at this time of year you put yourself out for family and friends (which you did) but surely you don’t do that if you only expect things in return

I don’t send Christmas cards. It’s nothing personal to them but I do text greetings and thank you’s.

If it irks you that much that you got thank you texts but not a card then best you just leave it from now on. No point in giving gifts if you feel resentful.

Your questioning your friendship because they didn't send you a £6 gift? There has to be more to this!

You are willing to ditch them as friends because they didn't buy you a gift, even though you haven't done gifts in the past? It was a thoughtful thing you did. They will likely try and return the favour in some way e.g. buy you a drink, get you a birthday present etc.

You've really put 'friends' in quotation marks over this as though they're not real friends as they're not mind readers?

I really hate receiving unexpected token gifts. This Christmas I received a surprise gift of a set of Christmas-themed hand towels. Totally not my thing; I'll never use them, so they'll eventually make their way onto Vinted. I had to reciprocate; I'd packed myself a lovely fragrance item, and had to grudgingly wrap and gift that.

They thanked you, they haven’t done anything wrong. If I were them I can tell you what my reaction would be - I would also have thanked you of course, but I might feel slightly peeved that you created a potential present-buying obligation when I’m against needless present buying (check out Martin Lewis’ campaign about this!) I would also be putting it to one side to donate to the hygiene/food bank or charity shop as I’m 99% sure I wouldn’t need or want whatever it is anyway (sorry!)

If you get in a huff and cool the friendship over this, that's entirely on you. They've done nothing wrong. At all.

You either can't be that close to them, for this to be what ends your friendship. Or this is just the last straw in a series of events that's got your down.

I'm not sure I understand why, if you guys agreed no cards due to stamp costs, you then posted something and expected something back. If giving gifts isn't usual for you and they both thanked you then obviously they appreciated them but had no expectations to receive and therefore to give.

You also as a side note, don't know that the next time you meet up they won't gift you something.

You are being ridiculous. Some friend you are!

They might have not thought about it this year, but do it next year. If it doesn't happen next year, I wouldn't bother anymore.

Well I guess they’re not psychic 🤷🏻‍♀️

You never normally send presents, so I think you’re being harsh moaning that you didn’t get anything. We didn’t do cards this year either, just feels a waste of time. Only bought them for parents and even the card shop seemed quieter than usual. If they’re otherwise good friends then I think you’re being very shallow. A £6 smelly gift is hardly an amazing gift TBH.

But in the end what does Christmas become … we don’t send cards cos stamps overpriced etc so Christmas is just a few meaningless text messages

Your friends were surprised by your lovely gift, it wasn't prearranged and agreed upon so you are being unreasonable to grump over no immediate return, perhaps they will bring something for you at your next lunch? Can you not find some joy in the fact you made them happy with a surprise?

How is a text message meaningless but a generic cheap smelly gift in the post isn’t?

It was a nice gesture from you but you’ve gone above and beyond the usual since the group doesn’t normally do gifts. They said thank you so I don’t really get what they’ve supposedly done wrong and frankly it’s insane you’re willing to let a friendship go over a cheap bath set… By all means don’t get them a present next year but seriously let it go.

This lament fits very badly with thinking about not meeting up with them as planned, though.

If I was on card only terms with people, it would never cross my mind to send them gifts in the post. You changed the T&Cs here OP without consultation, so this is not their fault.
They might well buy for you next year though, and then you'll be on the backfoot if you haven't bought for them. You'll have to take a couple of gifts, hide them in your bag and only give them if they go first.
Or just give gifts because you want to with no thought of getting one back.

Don’t take it personally, it’s a busy and expensive time and most people want less to buy not more.

I don’t give to receive and that’s what I’ve taught my children too

Christmas is different things to different people. It sounds like previously Christmas with you and these friends was a Christmas catch up. Sounds great. I would also value that. I wouldn’t think to substitute it for a gift but if one of my friends did then I would thank them.

I understand that you are disappointed that they did not reciprocate but that’s the way life is sometimes. Why didn’t the usual get together happen? To me that’s more the issue. Be disappointed for a few days but I wouldn’t let it spoil the overall friendship

In the last year we mainly kept in touch via work teams messages, WhatsApp, odd phone call and meet-up few times a year; since I moved away maybe the friendship has changed and my posting a Xmas gift is just my way of ….

If the gifts were unexpected and it’s not usual for your friendship group why would they have thought to send presents to you? It would be too late by the time they received theirs wouldn’t it?

Just don’t do it next year, as obviously they don’t want to do it.