Little bit pissed off with ‘friends’ over Christmas

[bigsisteriswatchingyou]

I sent 2 friends a small Christmas gift each by post as live too far away to meet, one opened hers as soon as received and sent Whstsapp thankyou message, the other opened hers on Christmas Day and also sent WhatsApp thankyou message, neither sent me a Christmas card or anything… won’t be bothering next year.

Good to see you are taking on board other peoples thoughts.

I hope you to arrange to see your friends - good friends can be hard to come by and I’m sure this is just a mismatch of expectations. If they are there for you in tough times and for a laugh and chat otherwise then that’s the most important thing

Think it’s less about the gift it’s more op is reflecting on her friendships, which is quite common this time of year

No they used to meet up and then give each other a card, but not presents and not post a card.

Personally I would not appreciate the small smelly gift not a fortune £6 that you gave them out of the blue, when you’ve not exchanged gifts before.

It would already be in the charity shop bag,

YABU - you don’t give to receive.

Giving should be done without conditions attached, the ‘reward’ for you is in the gesture and knowledge that you did an act of kindness for another.

They thanked you, what more do you expect for a token £6 gesture?

Just don’t bother again next year if it irks you that much to post about it. You don’t seem like a very humble friend.

Wow, you’re nice.

A card is no more meaningful than a WhatsApp message.

I joined a new team at work this year. My main team agreed several years ago not to do gifts but this team all exchange little gifts. I have come home with several unwanted tubes of handcream, unwanted lip salve, unwanted socks and an unwanted Xmas decoration. I love the team but I am not joining the exchange of unnecessary stuff.

I did however, love the messages we all exchanged over WhatsApp saying how much we all value one another and what a joy it has been working together this year.

Yes and they might feel embarrassed that they didn’t send anything so might give you something in person etc - but don’t give with expectations to receive, it’s really odd! I love giving presents but I don’t keep a tally of who bought me one back 🤣

Do not look at gifting or friendships as transactional. Enjoy your friendships.

I also can’t believe your use of ‘friends’ in the thread title!! They have done nothing wrong. You surprised them by sending a gift, they thanked you politely. Are you always such a drama llama?

Well the gifts weren’t a lot £ but we’re bit unusual and personal I def put some thought into choosing them, and I know from the friend that opened hers well before Christmas loved it, she doesn’t get gifts from family as there’s a difficult relationship,

They weren’t candles

No I’m opposite of a drama llama but I prefer action / practical rather than tea and sympathy

^ This

You can’t decide to send a present when it’s not the norm to exchange more than a card and be annoyed that they didn’t send you one back.

Yep, don't buy for them again. 'You don't give to receive' is a load of outdated nonsense that has no place in the 21st century. All that does is result in people take take taking and never giving. You get walked on, shit on, and mugged off if you're all 'you don't give to receive.' Some people will happily take without giving, because some people are self absorbed and narcissistic. Some can't even be arsed to thank you. Then when you stop giving, they act all shocked and surprised, and are 'offended.'

I have sent Christmas cards before now to people, and when they don't send one back 2 years in a row, I don't send one again. Why the hell should I keep sending a card to someone who never sends one back? They either don't 'do' cards, so I'll be doing them a favour. OR they CBA with me, so why the fuck should I be bothered with them?

And yes I DO keep a note of who sends Christmas cards back, even though I'm sure many Mumsnetters never do, like many Mumsnetters don't care if they keep buying gifts for someone who can't be fucked to get them even a KitKat in return.

(Yeah, right!' 🙄)

.

What does Christmas become?! I think Christmas is about a lot more than sending your mates a gift in the post. Is it not about spending time together with friends and family?

Depends if you give to receive. I gift one of my best friends a birthday present every year. I don’t get a present back but she’s an absolute gem and I couldn’t have got through this year without her so that’s more important to me.

How much did it cost to post the oresents@?

You changed the parameters of the usual arrangement so YABVU to be put out that your gifts weren't reciprocated.

yes I would have loved to met up but due to change of job and a death in family I couldn’t do that this year

If they thanked you that’s good enough. They might feel overwhelmed- the pressure I feel well it comes to gifts at Christmas is ridiculous, the list just goes on and on and there is nearly always someone I have to do a last minute dash to the shop for.

A lot less than train tickets and lunch

I’m the same. Some years I’m great, on the ball, and organised, other years I just run out of time and enthusiasm.

I think yabu as you don’t normally send gifts so they weren’t to know. I met up with some friends yesterday and we never do cards or presents but two of them have had a rough time the last few weeks so I bought all 3 of them a small bunch of flowers each and some chocolate, I didn’t expect them to have anything for me as we never do it. It was just a nice thing I did on the spur of the moment.