Little bit pissed off with ‘friends’ over Christmas

[bigsisteriswatchingyou]

I sent 2 friends a small Christmas gift each by post as live too far away to meet, one opened hers as soon as received and sent Whstsapp thankyou message, the other opened hers on Christmas Day and also sent WhatsApp thankyou message, neither sent me a Christmas card or anything… won’t be bothering next year.

I wouldn’t want a gift that came with these strings and expectations, surely that just ruins the intention of sending them in the first place? They have thanked you so I don’t see a problem.

The only gift I send through the post is to my special person bc we don't see each other over Christmas as he's expected to go to his mum's. Even then I usually buy online and get it sent direct or it would never get sent. Executive dysfunction.

Dont judge how much they value your friendship over this. Lots of my good friends don't "do" Xmas cards regularly (some do them some years and not others) and none of us would send each other gifts unless we were meeting up and had pre-agreed to it. Doesn't have anything to do with how much we value each other. I understand if you're feeling lonely/vulnerable, but don't build a huge narrative in your head about what this means when it doesn't mean that.

Actually, spending even more money on material cheaply made items we dont want or need in times when people are in stress with debt and the rising cost of living is, to me, the absolute opposite of what Christmas is meant to be about 🤷‍♀️

Absolutely agree. Let’s all waste money on buying token cheap tat no one wants or needs and clogging up our recycling bags with more cards.

Not my idea of Christmas cheer

Me and my friends decide in advance if we are doing gifts, this is the first time we have in a couple of years due to weddings, buying houses etc. If its not discussed in advance next Christmas don't buy for them.

This!

If you feel that you should have got a gift back then don't send anything next year. You dont give to get. As for the cards ! I don't send cards out that require postage.I stopped 4 years ago. Instead we choose 2 or three charities each year and give them each a donation instead of using £50 or £60 in stamps.We put a general Christmas Greeting on F.B./ Whatsapp. Maybe your friends are doing this.

They exchanging of gifts as we know it is a modern marketing thing. For pagans Xmas is about the solstice thing light, and for Christians is about the baby Jesus etc, and in the very olden days the romans etc celebrated various things over this time of the year. So if the meaning of Xmas for you is ‘gifting’, then good luck with that, but don’t expect everybody to do the same. Maybe for your friends it’s about the being there spiritually for each other in troubled and happy times, not for a £6 hand cream.

Gosh it's friendship not tit for tat. I never send cards now, they're bad for the environment and pointless now we all chat permanently online to one another/via phones and text. If I see something for a friend I will gift it, not because I want anything back, but because it made me think of them or i thought they would like it. If I don't, I won't. Sometimes friends give to me sometimes (normally) they don't. I think nothing of it. Just like sometimes they forget my birthday and vice versa. People get busy they're not going out of their way to spite you. If you want to see them, arrange to see them because they're your friends. If you don't like them/don't want to see them then don't. It shouldn't be contingent on them buying you shit! If you feel strongly about it, don't put yourself in that position by buying something and not checking what they're doing first. A simple "shall we not do gifts this year" message is easier than you getting stroppy that you've spent 12 whole pounds and not seen the value returned.

My 2p's worth: If you do/give things for/to people they haven't asked for, you should only do it if it gives you personal pleasure to do so, as if you approach it with expectations of appreciation or reciprocity you're setting yourself up for either forced acknowledgement or disappointment.

I would feel so awkward if a friend posted me a gift, I certainly wouldn't assume it was happening and have organized sending them one. I haven't exchange gifts with friends and haven't since my teens. I don't send cards either, waste of time, environmental resources and money and serve zero purpose (people online love to make out their grabbiness is all about 'just' a card but lets be honest no one cares about a cheap multipack card that simply says 'love Debra, Norman and Family x' and your not going to treasure it forever).

I got a random token gift this year off someone new in our lives, it was so unexpected and left us scrambling to get them something and was really just a last minute stress more than anything.

Don’t give to receive or may as well just all agree to buy yourselves something?

I find it odd how fast you are blowing hot then cold over these friendships. One moment you are posting them Christmas gifts, then because you didn't get any back you are no longer sure whether you want to meet them for lunch. Most likely they are super busy, stretched in terms of time and money and just haven't got the mental band width to be choosing, buying, wrapping and posting thoughtful gifts to all their friends.

First mistake is giving a gift expecting to receive one back.
A gift isn't a contract or agreement. Just as they say don't lend money you can't afford to lose, don't give gifts on the proviso you get one in return.. It's a bit entitled and it isn't really a gift if there are conditions/expectations attached.

We have a Secret Santa for adults. Everyone gets one nice present. And then, we indulge the children... but I was highly impressed to receive proper handwritten thank you notes from my niece's 8yo and 5yo (who had help from mum with the big words) on NYE.

Last year I bought everyone in family secret Santa a small additional gift and they didn’t. This year they all did and I didn’t. Wasn’t annoyed last year and didn’t feel bad this year. Once Christmas is over it’s too late I feel, you just have to guess (or discuss it!) and not expect everyone to be on the same page.

Me too. I’m relieved that I don’t need to buy too many! I wouldn’t want people to give presents (other than close family) as I’d feel that I had to reciprocate. Also I buy myself what I really want and rarely receive a gift that I actually want!

Exactly this

It hard to get right with friends, one of ours got us a whisky this year and we didn't get anything as we don't usually, but we sent a whisky for a big professional achievement one had in the year so maybe it was a return thing, just can't keep up and can't know if someone will bring a pressy out on friend meet ups in December 😆 they didn't care as we've been friends for about 17 yrs and don't see eachother much now, not something they'd ever fall out over and vice versa.

Considering it isn't the norm to exchange gifts between you, YABU.

I love this, and completely agree!!! Show your friends and family you love them!

I sent one of my best friends who lives far away a book I knew she would love by an author I wanted to support… she’s been having a tough time and couldn’t see us at new year as planned due to family reasons. I wanted her to know I was thinking of her and to give her a little surprise when the parcel came in the post. I 100% didn’t expect her to give me a gift - I might get her one next year… or not - I absolutely don’t give to receive - she’s a great friend. I wouldn’t be fussed by not getting gifts in return. I don’t bother with cards at all anymore.

But surely you don't give to receive..?

Also, never expect from others for what you do/give to them.
Hugely disappointing.

Seriously?
You sound like you don't think much of their friendship outside of the material aspect of it.

I think you expect too much.