Little bit pissed off with ‘friends’ over Christmas

[bigsisteriswatchingyou]

I sent 2 friends a small Christmas gift each by post as live too far away to meet, one opened hers as soon as received and sent Whstsapp thankyou message, the other opened hers on Christmas Day and also sent WhatsApp thankyou message, neither sent me a Christmas card or anything… won’t be bothering next year.

… lot happened towards the end of year me changing roles at work and family member died so had to attend to funeral/ family arrangement so wasn’t £ or time to do normal

I would rather Christmas be about ‘a few meaningless text messages’ ( BTW, I don’t send meaningless text messages, if I send a message it’s because I have something to say to the person), than sending some one a token gift that they probably don’t want, that will end up in the charity shop pile or in the next school raffle. And then give them an extra job in an obligation to send me a token gift back. They said thank you. If you are daft enough to loose friends over this, that’s on you.

Honestly @bigsisteriswatchingyou you are coming across as petty and extremely immature.

If you want to give up on these friendships because of this, you are unbelievably stupid

Christmas is not about making sure you receive like for like £6 gifts for friends you are not even seeing. I have a group of friends, sometimes we get gifts, sometimes we don't. This year I didn't get gifts for anyone but I did receive some. They know I have been super busy. They aren't going to break off our friendship because of this.

Also this year I didn't send cards to anyone

Thank goodness I am not friends with you

You’re being ridiculous and throwing your toys out the pram over a token gift no one expected or even wanted
Most people have cut back on cards and pointless token gifts over the years - if you’re prepared to lose friends over something so petty then they’ve dodged a bullet

Honestly, I think you are being a bit childish about this.

From your posts it isn't the norm for you to exchange gifts so they haven't done anything wrong.

They could flip it round and say if their friendship meant that much you would have made the effort to meet up.

I am seeing a friend this weekend who I actually can't remember the last time we saw each other. Didn't do cards or gifts for Christmas. She is a very close friend, was my bridesmaid last year etc. But part of being an adult is understanding thay life gets in the way and you don't have to live in each other's pockets to be friends

My older sister did this to me. For 18 years I had bought her, her DH and children nice presents. When I had DC she told me she didn’t buy adult presents anymore, just token child presents. When her GC arrived we were told what we could buy. I’m quite a generous person and did buy … but when my other sibling also had GC they agreed to stop buying presents. DSis forgot to tell me to stop buying and was quite upset when I stopped buying her GC presents.

I think you’re being unreasonable as the gifts were unexpected and you shouldn’t give to receive.

You don’t give to receive OP!

I'm afraid I'm strongly in the camp of presents do not make Christmas better - in an ideal world I'd only do presents for my very young children and i would prefer to receive none. Christmas is a time for everyone to take a break and families/friends to enjoy each others company - not to give lots of gifts that will often get regifted/thrown away/stuff at the bottom of a cupboard. We all have too much stuff already.

I’m sorry but I think that’s really silly. They were both grateful and thanked you for the presents. It won’t have crossed their minds to send you one in the post if this is something you’ve never done as a group before. To now not want to arrange meeting up with them is daft. Anyway, one of them (or both!) might offer to buy your lunch to reciprocate the unexpected gift you sent them!

Have you heard the following sayings:

You don't give to receive

' when I next in London I was gonna arrange to meet up for lunch but am in two minds now '

so now
you are cutting to cut off your nose to spite your face

and

' we don’t send cards cos stamps overpriced etc '
but you sent gifts ?!!! surely that was even more postage / delivery costs...

Yanbu to not send them a present/card next year -a text or pretty message nicked off Facebook with "merry Xmas " on and keeping it touch does far more. Its a £6 present. Think is your friendship worth more than a falling out over a £6 candle?! They may be skint /overwhelmed/overstretched it is an expensive and busy time of year life is too short.

You shouldn’t give to receive.

I have enough of a mental load buying for the people I have to buy for I do not need to be adding to that list because someone has randomly decided to start sending me presents. That’s on them to do and as long as I say thank you there shouldn’t be anything else expected.

I wouldn't send a token present through the post for any of my friends and, tbh, don't think I'd like the expectation receiving one would likely bring.
I also like to think I'd put myself out for friends and family when needed, regardless of what day of year it is 🤷‍♀️

You're the one that changed the rules without telling them and then expected them to rush out and reciprocate in some way, which is totally unfair. You don't seem to want to own that though

You are making too much of this OP. Your gift was unexpected and they both thanked you - that should be enough.

I dont gift to receive. Therfore I think YABU.

You are being ridiculous. Gifting shouldn’t be transactional and the run up to Christmas can be very hectic, shops are packed etc. To rush out and buy, wrap, package and post an additional gift because someone has unexpectedly sent one to you isn’t always easy. Plus £6 “smellies” will probably end up being regifted anyway as most adults have their own routines of skin care, hair care etc. that they prefer.

If I had a friend who was considering not meeting for lunch over something as petty as this then I’d consider it a lucky escape.

It’s nice that you wanted to send something when you didn’t get to meet up. But that’s a nice gesture, not something that you had an obligation to do and not something they had any obligation to do either... sure a card would have been nice but perhaps they didn’t send cards in general this year. People are moved to kind gestures at different times and in different ways. I think if you show your feelings about this they could legitimately be a bit baffled. I would try to completely let this one go and not spoil the gifts…

I would feel a bit disappointed that they hadn’t thought to get you something if you all usually do each year. It is a bit hurtful OP.

Three weeks before Christmas I queued for 25 minutes in the post office in order to sent Christmas gifts to my friend, who I would normally have met up with in person but for circumstances out of both of our control couldn't happen.

There is not a chance in hell I'd have put myself through that for some token gifts.

As opposed to the meaning of Christmas being encapsulated in £6 toiletries?

YABU to randomly decide to send gifts when you haven’t previously done so and then to be annoyed that your friends weren’t psychic and didn’t randomly decide to do the same.

It doesn’t necessarily follow that the response to the price of stamps increasing should be that people send gifts instead, so I do think it’s VU to expect that they would follow the same logic you applied to the situation.

They both thanked you, which seems like a perfectly reasonable reaction to your unexpected gifts.

Thankyou for thoughts and kind words, it’s making me reflect on the way I feel in general maybe I’ve have over thought this

You changed the dynamic by sending a gift. They were not expecting one so wouldn't have thought to send one. I agree sending a card is expensive so I am more than happy with sending messages to my friends and for them to do the same. Sending a token gift is no more thoughtful than just sending a cheaper to post card, and in reality a card has no more meaning to it than a message (unless you go all out in a card and write something really detailed which you could just as easily do in a message). They have said thank you (despite maybe not appreciating the generic item you send - there are plenty of threads on here about unwanted gifts) so it would seem weird to now be cutting them off because they didn't read your mind to send a gift.

But they never have in the past. OP just decided to start a new tradition this year, didn't tell anyone and is now pissed that they didn't do the same.

I thought they had in the past?