Little bit pissed off with ‘friends’ over Christmas

[bigsisteriswatchingyou]

I sent 2 friends a small Christmas gift each by post as live too far away to meet, one opened hers as soon as received and sent Whstsapp thankyou message, the other opened hers on Christmas Day and also sent WhatsApp thankyou message, neither sent me a Christmas card or anything… won’t be bothering next year.

Giving gifts is lovely. It lets people know you're thinking of them. However it is a choice and not mandatory and not transactional. Dont give to receive.

So you unilaterally decided to give them gifts - lovely - but then are annoyed they didn’t join in?!

This wouldn’t bother me. They likely will give you something when they see you or need to change the gift giving routine for one reason or another. Maybe Christmas gifts are a no no? Lots of people like to pair things down to simplify or reduce costs.

This. I have stopped sending cards. I still receive cards and do feel a little bad that I hadn’t sent them one too. But I’ve decided no more cards. It’s one extra thing to do on my very long Christmas list. I find Christmas a ca very stressful and difficult time.
My family stopped doing adult presents and just buys for the kids. Less and less people are sending cards and gifts. I wouldn’t let it offend you

How old are you all op?

I think it’s this as well. You sent a token gift which is lovely (doesn’t matter re cost) it’s the thought. You are feeling like it’s one sided and not as reciprocal

I don’t really want to add to my Christmas to-do list and cost by buying for my friends.

I would gratefully accept a present, of course, but I definitely don’t expect it or even want it, if I’m honest. I hate the buy-buy-buy side of Christmas.

You’re putting expectations on your friends when they weren’t expecting it, you made the decision to buy gifts as you weren’t spending the money on stamps. They aren’t mind readers. As other people said we don’t give to receive if someone happens to give you something that’s a bonus. Personally I don’t go in for gifts. I think it’s a waste of money or waste of time unless there was literally something I thought was going to be the exact thing the person would love to receive otherwise it’s just for the sake of it, it’s bad for the planet and it’s bad for your pocket.

That sounds like a rather rash response, for the sake of £12-£15, and two close friendships

I’d just forget about it, as it sounds like it wasn’t something you’d all agreed on prior, and it probably caught them both a bit off guard

Organise the lunch, you’ll all enjoy that far more than a gesture gift

So they had no idea you were sending anything?
If they knew beforehand they could have reciprocated or said not to bother, possibly suggesting you’ll all have lunch together instead another time.

You’ve made a usual ‘hand delivered’ card at a Christmas lunch into a big faff of buying and posting a present; something that they could possibly do without getting into.

But this explains it doesn't it? you dont normally get each others gifts and you agree that stamps are very expensive now so I am not sure why you are so angry about it? Your friends werent aware you were getting them gifts so why are you annoyed?

I dont send cards any more for similar reasons - I resent spending almost £2 on a stamp when post is always late. A text message to say happy Christmas is absolutely fine. I would actually be a bit annoyed if one of my friends randomly sent me a gift when I had not got them anything and we hadn't discussed it. I find Christmas stressful enough as it is without having to buy gifts for people whom I dont normally exchange gifts with

Forget it, if you feel this way don’t do it anymore. Life’s too short for all this present giving politics

Cut gifts from next year op. I find it puts pressure on to buy back.. my friend and I both buy we both have plenty told her we stop it next year. She agrees

Why do people give to expect back? That isn't in the spirit of giving! Did you arrange that you were all sending gifts this Christmas?
At least they thanked you. Just don't bother this year.

I wouldn't lose your friendship over it. Meet up, they may bring a gift or buy you a glass of wine as a thanks, that's what I'd do for a friend who sent a gift I wasn't expecting. Even if they don't and you have a good time, nothing lost, just don't send anything next year.

At least they thanked you.

At least they thanked you for them. Unless you agreed in advance to do presents I'd have thought that was enough. They probably didn't expect you to do it (was kind of you though)

Near Christmas, just say you are restricting cards and presents and will be making a gift to charity. That way nobody gets upset.x

If I were the recipient of one of your gifts I would probably do exactly the same as your friends did and send a thank you via WhatsApp. I certainly wouldn't reciprocate by sending you a gift, as that could set up an expectation of gifts in the future.
I would hope, by my lack of sending you a gift, that you would get the message that I'm not into gift giving and you wouldn't send me one the following year.

An unreciprocated small smelly isnt worth losing good company over. Let it go, just accept that you don’t do gifts with these friends and don’t do it next year.

Adult friends wouldn’t have expected a gift from you unless it was an old tradition, and they did say thank you. That’s more than enough, so many wouldn’t have acknowledged it.

My husbands son visited for an hour, took his gift no card or anything for his father, won’t see him again, until he wants something or next xmas
pleased my grown family have manners and give freely their time as well as gifts
Other on not much better, pair of users imo

That’s definitely unreasonable. It’s petty to allow this little thing to impact your friendships. I wouldn’t think to buy friends a gift, usually people have enough on their minds and enough gifts to buy without having to remember, afford and send a little generic gift to a friend. If I were you I’d let it go and not send anything next year. Christmas is about memories and kindness rather than crappy little gifts that make people feel bad.

You are right about Christmas cards. We only get them from older people. Only a very few young people send them any more.

I think we should all start giving more presents and sending cards, think how miserable Christmas will be if it all stops. It’s not difficult to send or give a card and you don’t have to spend a lot on presents. It’s very sad to think people don’t care if not if we still have a traditional Christmas. 🎄