Little bit pissed off with ‘friends’ over Christmas

[bigsisteriswatchingyou]

I sent 2 friends a small Christmas gift each by post as live too far away to meet, one opened hers as soon as received and sent Whstsapp thankyou message, the other opened hers on Christmas Day and also sent WhatsApp thankyou message, neither sent me a Christmas card or anything… won’t be bothering next year.

This. It's not a fucking competition. My friends gave me far too expensive gifts btw and I told them, next year, only ONE gift. A book. I love books. I hate the excess and I have not been quilty of it myself. Enough is enough. If Jesus saw how many of us are getting INTO DEBT BECAUSE OF HIS SO CALLED BIRTHDAY!!! He would have a thing or two to say about it!

It's actually weird, and could even be considered offensive, like they think you don't take care of your child's teeth.

You sent them gifts out of the blue, they most likely didn't think the three of you would be doing gifts, since you weren't seeing each other! Plus, you sound like one of the annoying people who give presents to show off, or give to receive! Not the spirit of gift giving, for any occasion!

You sound like hard work op

No matter what you do, you won't be able to do right for doing wrong!
About 7 years ago I suggested to a friend that we stop giving each other gifts (primarily because she'd bought me exactly the same gift for the previous 10 christmases that she knew I would never use and actually still had them all in a drawer).
She argued that I was the only person in her life that ever gave her gifts, so no, as far as she was concerned, we had to continue, so I agreed, although I did put my foot down and said 'please don't ever buy me 'x' again because look, here are the 10 you've bought me over the past decade, and they're all still in their cellophane wrappers, I've not used one of these items in over 20 years'!
So, because she said we had to continue with birthday and christmas gifts, I've continued, but for the past 4 years, she's only ever sent me a (cheap) card (by post) for my birthday and christmas, despite me travelling over 350miles to visit her at least 5 times a year and taking her beautiful (expensive) cards and lovely, thoughtful gifts (she has only ever visited my home once in the 20+ years we've been friends).
I've now (finally) realised that this friendship is not as important to her as it is to me, and definitely more weighted in her favour, so I've decided that from this year I won't be visiting anywhere near as often as I always have, nor will my visits coincide with her birthday/christmas, and I'll just send bog standard cards by post from now on.
Petty? Maybe.
Am I going to be putting myself first in future? OMG, most definitely!

I think that’s called cutting off your nose to spite your face, op.

that was nice until you have to have something in exchange.

It isn’t petty…
op did it once and hoped for a matched interest. You waited 15years? Yah, stop :)

I think maybe she has not as much money as you? It is tough but of course it does sometimes impair relationship as one can feel let down if the other doesn’t make effort to try and reciprocate in another thoughtful way… a card can be made and unexpensive for exemple…

You would loose 2 good friends over a bit of tat that neither would have been expecting

You're going to let a £6 gift stop you from meeting your friends for lunch??? You sound a bit petty tbh.

I think there is more to it.

Do you feel a bit let down generally by these friends?

This is absolutely not petty at all. It sounds like a very reasonable course of action.

To be frank, this is rarely the kind of gift that people actually want. It’s gifting for gifting’s sake and it’s very wasteful.

If they are otherwise good friends, I would not based your view of them around cheap, token gifts at Christmas.

Sounds like you usually meet up and don’t do gifts. Therefore if you decided to do this out of the norm, YABU!

Honestly feel the same this year only bought for kids no adults so much easier

i only buy gifts because I want to/see something someone would like. Not because I expect something back or not of obligation. I can’t imagine throwing a friendship away about them not buying you some random junk back. Don’t buy gifts if you expect something back.

You shouldn't expect anything in return when gifting others. Otherwise what you're doing is trading not gifting.

You don't give to receive!! The thank you was enough, no thanks from them woukd gave annoyed me.

I'm sorry to hear your friends didn't think to even bother letting you know why they couldn't /didn't send you Christmas cards 💚🫂💚
I know some folks have stressed how they've stopped sending because the cost of stamps has increased, so I empathise with this - However if this is the case with your friends, they might've found the sensitivity to let you know this 💚Especially when you were so thoughtful sending them both gifts too-I know it's difficult to remember or take comfort from this just now, but every loving thoughtful act you deliver, will eventually be rewarded, even if it seems ignored now - God sees the bigger picture & will reward your kind heart
God Bless You&Yours Consistently
💚🫂💚

Yes & it doesn't seem she expected anything back other than a basic Christmas card which is expecting too much 🙏

I used to send a gift to friends in the USA. I never expected anything in return but a couple of years ago I didn’t receive a message to say it had arrived, so I messaged and asked. It had arrived and they loved it! The same thing happened last year … this year I didn’t send a gift. It doesn’t take much to send a message to at least acknowledge something …

This for me is how we rate our friends.
What is it we value in them?
What positive energy do they bring to us and why do we keep them as friends?

If the relationship is based on present giving alone then that has not been fulfilled. But I guess friends for OP is more than present giving.
But if OP values them more than this then there is a need to reflect and rethink.

For me most of my friends do not exchange cards because we see each other frequently.
I do not exchange presents with any friends as it probably would lead them and me buying tat.

What I would say is that I don’t think it’s been inconsideration. I think they didn’t realise would send a gift and then it’s been too late to return the gesture. Look out for how they respond at your birthday or next Christmas. I think it’s totally understandable that it hurt you. You’ve shown how much the mean to you and that’s not been returned. It could also be that you value that relationship more than they do and that’s not them being unkind, more that distance is a barrier for them and they don’t think of you as often.

So you agreed not to do cards because of postage costs but you sent them a gift anyway. And you’re annoyed that they didn’t reciprocate? YABU.

How old are you? Didn't anybody ever teach you - don't give to receive.