To ask how you actually vet for men who don’t watch porn?

[SharpMintBeaker]

I’m not here to argue whether porn is okay, I’ve already decided it’s a dealbreaker for me. What I’m trying to figure out is: how do you tell if someone genuinely doesn’t watch it? Men online always say “I don’t watch it anymore” or “only occasionally” but how do you know it’s not just performative?

Has anyone actually dated (or married) a man who’s never been into it? Or gave it up without being guilted into it? If so, how did you know it was real?

A man being Christian doesn't mean they won't watch porn, I'm afraid.

According to Premier Christianity magazine, 30% Church leaders who access porn on the Internet more than once a month
42% Christian men who say they have a 'porn addiction'
90% Christians who believe the Church does not adequately support those who struggle with pornography use
75% Christian men who view pornography on a monthly or less regular basis
10% Christian men who say they have paid for sex

So 42% of Christian men surveyed admitted porn addiction, 75% admitted to viewing porn on a 'monthly or less regular basis'. And 30% of Church leaders access porn more than once a month.

https://premierchristian.news/en/news/article/42-of-uk-christian-men-admit-porn-addiction

If he’s blind you’re probably safe.

So almost a quarter don't. Try and pick one of them if you can. You'll be able to tell if they're the 'type'. Your gut instinct will tell you.

If you are a woman who isn't bothered by it, you're dating pool will be bigger, yes. But according to the poll, there's a fair few that might feel the same about you regarding the sex industry.

Sorry I wasn't directing that at you @Carla786.

Also. Apologies for my grammar. Shocking in that post!

No, that's fine. I agree women should have strong boundaries about this.

Hello op it's also a deal breaker for me. I am married to a man who doesn't watch porn. We both did when we met in our early 20s but both decided to stop.
He actually is a part of a men's group with other men who want to evolve And support eachother. Some have been addicts, yes sex/porn addicts too. So there is absolutely discussion about sexuality, pornography,exploitation but its also about being better men/fathers. They talk about bridging relationships gaps, to empathy, to racism, male entitlement all sorts. So these men do exist but there are not many of them.

If I was in the position to be looking for a partner again. Oof. Yeah my bar is sky high. It wouldn't be a easy task. But I would rather stay single than ever date a man who just wasn't on the same page as me. I also believe in having open phone policy so Its going to be a small pool.

I dont think there is a easy way to vet potential partners. I think early conversations around feminism pornography empathy transparency would be good to have. On the whole you want someone who has either done therapy or self work. If you want someone upfront from day one actually a recovering porn/sex addict years down the line in solid recovery would be very transparent from day one. But ofcourse there are no guarantees With anyone.

I thought I must be such a cynical feral old witch, because whadda mean christian men or men without devices 😱.

I want to be 8 years old again , when the world was simple or I thought it was and I just trusted people.

I am proper stumped…

dh has watched porn…may watch porn now

but how was he watching porn without a device?

The Sex industry is the oldest in the world, before we lived in houses probably - they will always find a way. Magazines , books, films etc.

You know there was a thriving porn industry before the internet and smart phones? Magazines, videos, DVDs, cave paintings. Playboy magazine was mainstream enough to have sponsored episodes of Friends.

Oh god didn’t think we were actually going back to the proper old days doingtheboxerbeat 😀

yeah i was just thinking tech….he is old school but not that old school 😀

I don’t think you can ever know for sure really, just like with anything else people can lie, downplay etc, or can promise they’ll stop and then continue. Short of having 24/7 access to all devices you could never be positive I suppose!

Well yes obviously, but like i say i wasnt talking about the past…he deffo watched porn in the past

not caveman days but close…

If you can’t believe someone’s answer then what’s the point in asking? You’ve effectively created an impossible to achieve dealbreaker.

The cave paintings comment took me all the way out 🤣.

Well i thought we were literally talking about ‘watching’ porn but i do take thinks very literally

though i think that if he is looking at cave paintings I probably should be relieved

My dh doesn’t but then he’s rubbish with tech, can’t even manage to buy tickets online and only has live feeds from airports programmed into his YouTube (plus the flight radar app which i downloaded for him) he’s really surprisingly crap with computers!

Are people only concerned with internet porn specifically? Not their partners wanking over exploited women in any format? Seems like a pretty big caveat for the filthy buggers.

The mags still exist.

There’s probably a fetish website for things like that!

Places like the National Gallery are full of porn. Men weren't creating realistic paintings of naked women for other men to hang on the walls of their private studies for noble artistic reasons.

Yep. Plus you don’t have to be an impotent porn addict to watch/consume ‘porn’. It takes a few seconds to look at pictures of topless women. There are very few men who don’t consume anything at all, ever.

It is at your fingertips, so unless a man has very strong moral objections, why wouldn’t he?

Unless it’s affecting my actual relationship, I do not care. You can’t control somebody’s every move.

I'd reckon all men have logged in at some point to do some research. Having said that, it's pretty boring now they've tightened up on all the good stuff......So I've been told.

I mean - I'm sorry its a dealbreaker for you but you can either date someone who does watch porn and admits it, or someone who does watch porn and lies to you about it. Realistically the choice you are looking for would be almost impossible to find.

To be clear - 3/4 of men admit they watch porn to a stranger who is collecting data on them. It seems likely a decent chunk of the remainder also do but don't want to admit it.

Nobody truly has any idea what someone does to get themselves off in private.

You aren’t ever really going to know whether someone watches porn or not, and living in a state of constant suspicion/anxiety about it is deeply unhealthy, so I think you need to accept that it’s always going to be a possibility.