To ask how you actually vet for men who don’t watch porn?

[SharpMintBeaker]

I’m not here to argue whether porn is okay, I’ve already decided it’s a dealbreaker for me. What I’m trying to figure out is: how do you tell if someone genuinely doesn’t watch it? Men online always say “I don’t watch it anymore” or “only occasionally” but how do you know it’s not just performative?

Has anyone actually dated (or married) a man who’s never been into it? Or gave it up without being guilted into it? If so, how did you know it was real?

Aah. Ok. So to all you insomniac peri/menopause women out there…fuck HRT…You just need to wank over porn 🤷‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤬

Oh I see, sorry.. yes I agree that this shouldn't be generalised to women at large. That is very important.

I'll never be able to wrap my head around people who are so 100% certain of other people's actions👆 this level of confidence is so alien to me .
People are just so lacking in imagination, it truly shocks me you're a judgemental so and so , of course your partner, your child, your parent or your bestie aren't going to admit certain things to you.

Some men don't. My ex did when he was younger but when we met (he was 28) he said he didn't use it anymore. I never saw any evidence of it in the 10 years we were together.
DH did but he doesn't seem to use it much now, but I would say he was watching it for at least the first 7 or 8 years we were together (not all the time). Since our DS was born 5 years ago though he seems to have lost interest.
So you might find a man who isn't in to porn but there's no way you'll really know for sure. I'd say most men do use it or have in the past. Would it bother you if they had used it in the past but had since stopped?

The porn industry, and I’ll include in that some academics who publish about it, are constantly trying to imply that women watch porn as much as men, or more than men, or more extreme porn than men. It’s always about normalising it, or trying to imply that anti-porn campaigners are in fact anti-women. The same as the very successful media normalisation of ‘having an OnlyFans account’ - all those tweets implying that it’s so common that it’s impossible to find a girlfriend who isn’t on OnlyFans. You have to dig into the numbers every time.

I find it hard to believe anyone has such encyclopaedic knowledge of all their friends’ use of VPNs… It’s not a conversation I’ve ever had with anyone, let alone everyone I know!

For those of you with partners who you fully trust not to use porn ever, I’m intrigued to know what your sex life is like, and what these men are like in bed.

I have a suspicion that those men that are very “respectful” and “kind” in the bedroom, rather than the sort to give you a good, hard fucking…I.e they’ve become feminised…. though I’m ready to accept I may be I’m wrong on this.

Also, doesn’t the type of porn matter?…. Not all of it is extreme.

Some men who may have major issues about watching random clips of unknown women engaging in degrading acts, may feel ok about a well-established pornstar (ie one who’s obviously not trafficked) having normal, non-violent sex, or even just images of a hot topless model.

I have a feeling that some women’s real issue with porn is objectification of women - which is fair enough - but that they use the more compelling argument that porn necessarily involves trafficked women being raped.

And that even if someone could prove that some particular porn was made with consenting adults without coercion, their objection would actually remain. In other words, the moral objection they use, isn’t actually the moral objection they actually have.

@Pigeonpoodle Your question is entirely inappropriate and I do hope people are not daft enough to post details of their sex life on this thread.

That would be massively oversharing.

And it's none of your business.

Yes some of us do.

Tattiana........not at all, & they don't call me Mamma ...like I said 1 admits he does, & 1 told me when we was struggling with it.
Some people have honest, open, mature, respectful relationships with their kids. They have no reason to lie to me.

I have very few friends and all of us are dull.

This is an anonymous forum. No one has to post anything they don’t want to, and when they do post, there’s no way of tracing who has posted it (unless they deliberately post “outing” details).

I just wonder if there’s a disconnect between we say we want from men, and what we actually want from them deep down. We want a man to be kind and gentle, and who has tamed his primal sexual instincts…. And yet, we also yearn from a strong and assertive man who leads in the bedroom. We want it all, and I wonder if that’s possible. I think it is possible for strong, assertive men to also be respectful and kind… just that society seems to emasculate and feminise men.

Erm your sons probably aren’t going to be honest with you about their porn habits. I cannot imagine sharing what I’m into and how often I watch with my parents, not even as part of a general debate on the topic!

One of her sons says he watches it, another seems to have been addicted for a period of time so even if they aren’t telling the full story I still think thats pretty honest

its not like that poster said shed asked her sons and they’d all said no…

Idk its relevant, but I did used to enjoy porn until I actually became aware of the various issues surrounding it, and at one point I liked fairly hardcore stuff too.
I was quite able to convince myself of the libfem sex positive angle, because I was quite highly sexed and probably a bit of a coolgirl.

I had a bit of a gradual awakening and feelings about it and I don't watch it and I don't agree with it anymore because of the wider picture of objectification and how that affects all women and girls along with the awful sex industry and trafficking.

If someone was anti porn for puritanical beliefs, or had messed up views of women, Madonna whore stuff, or if they didn't watch porn because they had a really low sex drive, it wouldn't be ideal either.

Is no-porn more important than general attitude to women?

The idea that men who don’t use porn are ‘feminised’ is absolutely ridiculous @Pigeonpoodle, particularly given the trends I see on Literotica, where porn fantasies about ‘feminisation’, ‘sissy’ and humiliation scenarios are stratospherically increased in the last 20 years or so (no I haven’t counted but it’s hard to miss). In my casual sex days the men who described consuming a lot of porn and wanted me to share it were likely to be asking me to dominate them. Porn is certainly distorting to sex in all sorts of ways, I can’t help
noticing the relentless rise of incest fantasies as well.

I'm surprised at some of the rise of those type of things early. Step family stuff seems to dominate the industry in a way it didn't when I was in it.

Again it's not that all men are lying about but simple maths of that if 80% of women think their husband isn't viewing porn, that doesnt tally with the viewing figures, is statistically unlikely and a significant number of them would be wrong

The reality is any form of reporting is skewed because it relies on people admitting something that most people consider shameful.

The only objective evidence we have is porn sites click rates which are always way higher than big conventional websites. Even that is skewed because you are looking at individual porn sites when there is literally millions, and because people would be using conventional sites to access porn.

So for example there are three porn sites in the uk top 40 sites viewed, despite just those two outnumbering things like wikipedia, chatgpt etx we can assume that only accounts for a small portion of porn viewing, we can also assume that a wide percentage in the sites above them is also porn usage (so a big chunk of Google use, a big chunk of reddit use, Instagram, snapchat and YouTube use for example). I suspect reddit in particular would be much lower down the list if it wasn't for the use to get round age verification stuff.

Its really hard to grasp the scale of it

Start your own thread or go on a different forum, if you want to dig into that level of detail.

the OP has asked whether it's possible to tell if a man uses porn. That's it, It doesn't extend to discussing in detail about people's sex lives.

all it will do is attract the pervs, it's an open internet forum remember. Women have been stalked on here before now, with pervs sending them PMs etc.

yes we're all adults and people can post what they like on here. But it's also about raising an alert if we have concerns. I have concerns about what you asked and have said as much on here, whether you like it or not.

Gross. I’m surprised those incest fantasies are even legal. Just curious - are literotica “fantasies” involving minors legal?

I don’t want to google it for obvious reasons.

I think being obsessed with the topic in an interrogatory way is actually much weirder than liking videos of naked ladies tbh

"how do I ensure my next date isn't creepily obsessed with porn?"

@Imbrocator

I’m surprised so many posters think that all men routinely watch porn. What do you think men did before the advent of the camera? Men having a wank somehow managed to get by for thousands of years before that.

Brothels and whore houses were commonplace going back centuries!

When i was clearing the house of an elderly relative I found some ancient saucy letters, and some porn type stuff

Its been a common theme of friends who've had house clearing roles with elderly family relatives

I took some comfort in seeing that amongst the horrors of War it looks my grandparents had some fun!

We were in Pompeii earlier in the year, looking (among other things) at the penis carving in the road pointing to the nearest brothel, which would have had sexual paintings all round the walls. Porn isn’t new any more than the exploitation of women and children is new, but that doesn’t mean the availability of extreme filmed material to literally everyone isn’t new either.

In terms of numbers, there really is a difference between heavy porn users and very occasional/ non users. Again the industry will want to present numbers suggesting that everyone does it, or that every user does it every day. I continue to be sure that that is absolutely not true, and that the users who watch porn in public spaces or watch hours every day continue to be a minority of men who drive the use statistics.

As for written porn: IANAL. My understanding is that it’s definitely illegal only where it includes minors - the sister, stepsister stuff is clearly designed to try and get round that without breaking laws. Could be prosecutable where it contravenes the Obscene Publications Act, but in practice for written material published in a defined adult space will rarely be prosecuted.