Worried about the man I’ve been seeing

[whyisnothingsimple]

I’ve been seeing someone for 17 months - long distance a 2hr drive away. I mainly go to him as we do a hobby together where he lives. We see one another every 2 weeks or so. Recently he has not replied to messages for several days . We both live alone and, apart from this hobby, doesn’t do much else - I have family very near. He hasn’t replied to my message on Saturday - messaged today to ask if he is ok - not read so tried to phone - again no reply so left a voice message asking him to let me know he’s ok. He would normally do the hobby this afternoon - I know someone who also attends at the same time - would it be unreasonable to contact her to ask if he is there? He hates drama as do I but I’m getting really worried - it could be that he’s just ghosting me and don’t want to involve others if that is the case.

Just curious, but don't suppose he's dyslexic is he?

just got a message from him saying I’m fine didn’t mean to ignore you - what an answer - couldn’t even been bothered to call - he did this once before when he forgot my birthday - said sorry by text - did get a bottle of perfume after

What a rubbish response.

I would not reply see how he likes it.

Well the good news is he's not had a fatal accident but the bad news is he's just a rude inconsiderate thoughtless twat.
He's not matching in terms of effort so I would just let it go, don't reply and move on.
If he gets back in touch another time and asks why you haven't replied I would just say I've no time for people that can't give even the bare minimum.

Additionally the woman who said she wouldn't say anything clearly did say something.

So what did he mean to do?

I wouldn't reply to him now OP, see how he likes it. In fact, I wouldn't reply to him ever again. Just leave the messages unread.

Also, it's clearly obvious that the woman had said something to him.

Stupid shit. Men like him deserve to end up sad and alone. He has been unbelievably rude to you and it’s time to find your anger over that! Block and move on.

This. How come he thinks it's ok to be so rude to you? Absolutely not @whyisnothingsimple does he deserve another moment of your time.

Anger already found and dealt with - at the end of his message he did say hope you are ok xxx I’m not but couldn’t be bothered to reply - new year and onwards

He's a tool OP.

All these people making excuses for him, could he be depressed, maybe he's unwell etc etc. It takes 30 seconds to reply to someone who is clearly worried about you. I have been both of the above and didn't leave people hanging like this.

I agree with you OP, just blank him now. What is good for the goose and all.

If you need some distraction, go and look for the thread by Runningintherain, Dumped by text.
It really was a masterpiece in dealing with these twats.

I am also older (mid 50s) and have really just given up on dating anyone now. I also thought that the older generation might be less inconsistent in the dating sense, but that is absolutely not the case in my opinion.

I have my shit together (and it sounds like you do too), so having to put up with crap like this, is just not going to happen. I do not have the energy and most definitely not the patience for it all anymore.

I wish you all the best for a drama free 2026 🌷

Op Judging by his repose or lack of I think that relationship has run its course.

@murphys If you need some distraction, go and look for the thread by Runningintherain, Dumped by text. It really was a masterpiece in dealing with these twats.

Those threads are the gold standard aren’t they?

I will link them, as absolutely yes, the gold standard in holding your head up high:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text
Part 1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3835502-Dumped-by-text-part-2
Part 2

@whyisnothingsimple if you have not read these before, I hope these will help you a little today.

We know he’s fine because the OP has confirmed…. But it’s really stupid to think the chances of losing/damaging phone or being seriously ill/injured/dead are less likely than winning the lottery!

Get the friend to check. If he’s ok dump him because he’s being ignorant and letting you worry.

You read the thread first before commenting then?

Now you know where you stand, and to be fair, from your posts, it seemed you were not too bothered if did ghost you, it was just the thought that it was immature of him to do this, instead of telling you direct. You sound too good for him anyway, hope you have a great new year :) p.s will you bump into him when you both do the shared hobby?

Agree he needs dumping.

Funny how he drops contact at significant times like your birthday and xmas.

He likes to keep you on your toes.

Here's to 2026!!!!

Onwatds and upwards!

Even if he was depressed he found the energy to go to his hobby, but not to message you and save you worry? He forgets your birthday and then texts a sorry.

Glad you have seen the light OP.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I would leave it another couple of days though.

Thanks for the links - great read - OP is amazing. I’ve archived our chat and will leave things as they are. I don’t feel the need to send a goodbye message - I’ll just walk away with my head held high.

I’m not sure what to do about the hobby - it’s a 2 hour drive away for me - I’ll find somewhere closer I’m sure.

Thank you - yes I have my shit together and yes, age is no barrier for being a twat!

I’ve no idea if she has or hasn’t - it doesn’t matter to me either way