Worried about the man I’ve been seeing

[whyisnothingsimple]

I’ve been seeing someone for 17 months - long distance a 2hr drive away. I mainly go to him as we do a hobby together where he lives. We see one another every 2 weeks or so. Recently he has not replied to messages for several days . We both live alone and, apart from this hobby, doesn’t do much else - I have family very near. He hasn’t replied to my message on Saturday - messaged today to ask if he is ok - not read so tried to phone - again no reply so left a voice message asking him to let me know he’s ok. He would normally do the hobby this afternoon - I know someone who also attends at the same time - would it be unreasonable to contact her to ask if he is there? He hates drama as do I but I’m getting really worried - it could be that he’s just ghosting me and don’t want to involve others if that is the case.

Good for you, OP. You’re a catch and never forget it! x

Very human to be concerned when someone doesn't give any sign of life, very immature of him if this is the only way he knows to let you know he's not/no longer interested in you. I don't think you should try and see him again. In a way it's good you asked your friend at the activity, that way she at least knows what a twat he is.

Friend one ignored calling her boyfriend as she didn’t want to cause a drama. Turned out he had tripped late Friday hit his head. Monday evening his boss ‘broke in’ and found him barely alive. Hospital doctor said another 1/2 hour and it would have been too late. Check up on him please

Yes I would be worried. I’d message her, if she says he ok at least you know he’s fine & you can move on.

Read updates. Go to OPs thread and click 'see all'.

Definitely worth asking someone to pop round. You can also request a welfare check with the police if they don't get a response from him.

Harsh reality..... has he got a wife and kids you don't know about? Given the time of year and all, vanishing would make sense. If so, he'll reappear when he's back at work.

He doesn't deserve yoi OP! Onwards and upwards!

If you normally do a hobby together today, I would drive up and see him in person x

He's a manchild. Onwards and upwards OP. Have a wonderful 2026 🌺

Sorry he’s acted like this. Especially at his age. Was he loving and telling you he loved you in person?

This looks like class avoidance. It can really mess with you so I’m happy you’ve just extracted yourself.

I think one of you just needs to spell out that it's over now.

That was brilliant that you erred on the side of caution. Very sensible.

Absolute tool.

I was once ghosted by a man I had been seeing for about 4 months. He was supposed to come for dinner and didn’t, and then ignored my messages for weeks, before sending a reply that basically said, I wasn’t feeling good mentally, I didn’t know what to say so typical me, I said nothing. I wish you luck going forward.

I ignored him and moved on. About 2 years later he started messaging again, about our shared hobby. I was friendly but resisted all his pleas to meet up. Over months and months. He was constantly suggesting dates, weekends away. I said no, over and over again. Then finally gave in. Met up once and from that date spent all our free time together doing our shared hobby. Spoke to each other 5 or 6 times a day. Really intense. And then he did the same thing again. Just vanished.

Delete his number and never look back. The mental health struggle of my ex was real but I got stuck on him for so long.

"See All" for OP's posts is your friend here

He didn’t ’forget’ your birthday op, he just avoided it. This guy sounds extremely similar to a guy I once dated.

You need to google ‘dismissive avoidant’ and have a good read because it sounds like he has very similar issues and doesn’t like commitment hence why you’re only FWB and long distance- it’s very common for these people to have long distance relationships and only want FWB
Just disappearing and not replying to all your messages when he’s alive and well is a form of stonewalling and control. You say he sometimes takes a few days to respond to messages? He’s avoiding you! Nobody takes days to respond! If you take him back things will only go downhill from here.

Sorry

I'd ask the person who does the hobby whether he showed up. If not I'd send a message that you are very concerned and will be asking the Police to do the welfare check. After 17 months, I reckon you would have had an inkling if he were ghosting you.

Please read my responses - he is fine and we are finished

How sure are you that he's single, if you only see him every other week, and there's no chance of anyone you know seeing him as he's 2 hrs away?

Leave him be. If he hasn't replied by Friday, send 1 more text, then drop him.

You are a lovely person.

What a shame he couldn’t have told you that he would like a break in communicating as he wanted some space etc.

I would now block him in case he does in the future want to pick things back up again.

What an asshole. Ghosting at this age. Disappointing rather than surprising sadly.

I think older men are quite happy in their own company, especially with occasional sex. They are well used to and prefer living by themselves and not answering to anybody.

The lack of manners in not replying to a concerned text is what would irritate me the most.

Onwards and upwards OP, to be honest, long distance relationships rarely work, seems like u were putting more effort into it than he was.

New Year, New You 💖

Yeah.

for several days…the battery wouldn’t have lasted so much…no?

I would air on the “he ghost you”…but you also he isn’t great communicator when apart so he might just be himself and think it is fine to ignore…

Just give his message the thumbs up and leave it at that.