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Original poster

Worried about the man I’ve been seeing

193 replies

whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 13:43

I’ve been seeing someone for 17 months - long distance a 2hr drive away. I mainly go to him as we do a hobby together where he lives. We see one another every 2 weeks or so. Recently he has not replied to messages for several days . We both live alone and, apart from this hobby, doesn’t do much else - I have family very near. He hasn’t replied to my message on Saturday - messaged today to ask if he is ok - not read so tried to phone - again no reply so left a voice message asking him to let me know he’s ok. He would normally do the hobby this afternoon - I know someone who also attends at the same time - would it be unreasonable to contact her to ask if he is there? He hates drama as do I but I’m getting really worried - it could be that he’s just ghosting me and don’t want to involve others if that is the case.

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 15:04

MrsDoubtingMyself · 30/12/2025 14:57

Gosh. So he ghosted you Confused

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Seems that way - we’re in our 60s for gods sake - you’d think at our age we could be honest

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 15:07

Thank you all - you kept me busy whilst waiting to find out if he was ok - I will let you know what happens after this

OP posts:
MrsDoubtingMyself · 30/12/2025 15:07

whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 15:04

Seems that way - we’re in our 60s for gods sake - you’d think at our age we could be honest

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Totally agree with you. Thankfully you've discovered who he is relatively early on

IleSolitude · 30/12/2025 15:14

It sounds like you already had your doubts about the relationship, OP, and now he's saved you the trouble of having an awkward conversation. Also sounds like you're well rid of him; I think that anyone who doesn't reply to a (reasonable!) request to confirm they're ok is very thoughtless. And if he's really ghosted you, that's even worse (but again, you're well rid). I wouldn't be contacting him again - I wouldn't block him either, though, because I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

Onwards and upwards!

Ohnobackagain · 30/12/2025 15:15

Blimey @whyisnothingsimple all he had to do was reply. Anyone should realise you might worry. Sounds like it’s always you making the effort, too.

ChristmasHug · 30/12/2025 15:16

Maybe he's lost his phone. It'd take a few days to have your number transferred to a new one.

I think I'd send a message saying you're worried about him and could he just give a thumbs up if he's busy so you know he's OK otherwise you're going to contact the police for a welfare check.

CremeCarmel · 30/12/2025 15:17

I would be worried but I would not contact the person who does the hobby as that might seem desperate. I would leave it a few more days.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 30/12/2025 15:18

CremeCarmel · 30/12/2025 15:17

I would be worried but I would not contact the person who does the hobby as that might seem desperate. I would leave it a few more days.

OP has updated

Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 15:25

IleSolitude · 30/12/2025 15:14

It sounds like you already had your doubts about the relationship, OP, and now he's saved you the trouble of having an awkward conversation. Also sounds like you're well rid of him; I think that anyone who doesn't reply to a (reasonable!) request to confirm they're ok is very thoughtless. And if he's really ghosted you, that's even worse (but again, you're well rid). I wouldn't be contacting him again - I wouldn't block him either, though, because I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

Onwards and upwards!

I was having my doubts TBH - great when together but not when apart - yes I’ll crack on with my life

OP posts:
supersop60 · 30/12/2025 15:28

Ghosting is pretty shitty behaviour at any age.
Don’t give him a second thought.

IridiumSky · 30/12/2025 15:33

He’s either fed up with Christmas and not looking at his phone (I sometimes do that for days on end), has had an accident in his workshop and is dead on the floor, or is busy shagging someone else.

None of these scenarios can you do much about 😳 😀

Happyjoe · 30/12/2025 15:35

whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 14:03

I sort of hope he has

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I had someone do this to me once, I was genuinely really worried. Never thought it was down to him being an utter coward.
I hope you are ok too, very much so.

Wheresthebeach · 30/12/2025 15:53

Well...that confirms it - he's a dick.

Jollyhockeystickss · 30/12/2025 15:54

I know men are different but to me it just means he doesnt miss you

roastedrapidly · 30/12/2025 15:59

He's a dick...to ignore messages and ghost you when all you asked for was for him to let you know he's ok.
Well done OP - you are free of him and don't need to feel any sense of obligation or guilt. Have a great 2026

Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 16:08

Just spoken to mutual friend - says he’s been very (unusually) quiet and she sees him most days - also very pale but very focused on the hobby - has said she’ll keep our chat private

OP posts:
LostittoBostik · 30/12/2025 16:10

I would. I’d say to her you promise you won’t hassle him if he’s well, but just that you’re worried about his wellbeing.

Goditsmemargaret · 30/12/2025 16:14

Jesus. Ghosting is bad enough after a few dates by 17 months. What a prick.

Mary46 · 30/12/2025 16:24

Horrible. Hate ghosting op. He could have sent a quick text..

KittyWilkinson · 30/12/2025 16:26

You are clearly a decent caring human being OP and you did a good deed there checking on his welfare.. You deserve better than this doesn't give a shit, self absorbed plonker.
I hope that you have a great 2026 without him..

RollOnSunshine · 30/12/2025 16:27

A few days without a response is not ghosting. Some of you are proper phone addicts.

FieryA · 30/12/2025 16:30

I would definitely ask the friend if he is there. I wouldn't even hesitate in getting to her ask him why he is not replying to you. I would do that for a friend, if I was close and knew the situation. Though you are totally reasonable in wondering whether he has ghosted you. I don't like this pattern of inconsistent communication. Though if you only meet each other during the hobby, are you actually dating or in a relationship?

LostittoBostik · 30/12/2025 16:30

Ah, I see he’s turned out to be a predictable moron. At least you found out. Onwards.

HippopotamusForChristmas · 30/12/2025 16:32

He sounds depressed

FieryA · 30/12/2025 16:33

RollOnSunshine · 30/12/2025 16:27

A few days without a response is not ghosting. Some of you are proper phone addicts.

It is absolutely unacceptable to have poor communication, especially when you don't live with a partner or see them often. Its a minimum expectation to check in, converse regularly. Nothing to do with being a phone addict or not.

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