Brother has said he will stop contact between his kids and my stepdaughter over Christmas invite

[Mollymaynot]

Our Christmas has been ruined by a family rift and I’m at the centre of it.

I married my DH in January this year. We are having a baby due in April 2026. DH has a child already aged 5. I’ve been in DSD’s life since she was 2 years old. She lives with us at home and has done since she was 3ish.

My family have always been welcoming of DSD and treated her as my family (which she is) and always includes her in family events.

I got a message from DB around a week before Christmas asking why we were bringing DSD to Christmas dinner at my mum and dads house as I’m “not even the kids mother” and “Christmas is for actual family”. I replied saying that she is my family and our baby’s sibling.. he said “it’s not fair on the proper children of the family who are blood relatives”. I was then warned not to tell my mum as she was trying to keep the peace.

I did tell my mum and she was horrified, saying she had not said anything to my brother and that she has never had any issue with DSD or our family. Her and my dad have both said that they will never exclude DSD and see her as a grandchild.

Now here’s where it gets even worse. DB had said that he won’t bring my nieces around my DSD as she is “not family”. He called her “some child”. This is so out the blue as we had a bonfire party just for the children and they all loved it, and they are always around each other?

I’m at a real loss, I hate conflict but I feel like I’m being pushed out of the family for no reason. I also feel angry that my DSD is being spoken about like this for no reason - she’s 5, she’s never known any different.

I have no idea how to navigate this

Not always. My family have always treated me and my half sibling equally. As soon as he married my mum he wrote a will to include his "step" daughter but he has always and will always count her as his daughter.

The OP deliberately isn’t mentioning what religion or race. The brother is obviously bigoted. It’s nothing to do with the will; most parents leave their money to their kids. Mine have.

Read all of the OP’s comments - didn’t read everyone else’s.

But why would that be an issue all of a sudden?

The child had lived with OP for a couple of years and the DB has not had an issue this entire time.

I am guessing because OP only married DH in January - as she is being evasive it is hard to know for certain, but I am guessing that DH and DSD may not have been present at the family gathering last Christmas?

We are all surmising as she is being coy.

Loads of people have absolutely no idea how inheritance works. And it can be done differently. I agree if it’s done in the standard way it should make no difference at all. But it seems still to me to be the most likely driver.

Agree the will is irrelevant because, unless OP’s parents have mentioned changing their wills to add DSD, she will not inherit. She’d have to be expressly named in a will or formerly adopted by OP to have a legal claim.

Add, as far as we know, there may be no money to leave as we have no idea how wealthy OP’s parents are. Total red herring.