Brother has said he will stop contact between his kids and my stepdaughter over Christmas invite

[Mollymaynot]

Our Christmas has been ruined by a family rift and I’m at the centre of it.

I married my DH in January this year. We are having a baby due in April 2026. DH has a child already aged 5. I’ve been in DSD’s life since she was 2 years old. She lives with us at home and has done since she was 3ish.

My family have always been welcoming of DSD and treated her as my family (which she is) and always includes her in family events.

I got a message from DB around a week before Christmas asking why we were bringing DSD to Christmas dinner at my mum and dads house as I’m “not even the kids mother” and “Christmas is for actual family”. I replied saying that she is my family and our baby’s sibling.. he said “it’s not fair on the proper children of the family who are blood relatives”. I was then warned not to tell my mum as she was trying to keep the peace.

I did tell my mum and she was horrified, saying she had not said anything to my brother and that she has never had any issue with DSD or our family. Her and my dad have both said that they will never exclude DSD and see her as a grandchild.

Now here’s where it gets even worse. DB had said that he won’t bring my nieces around my DSD as she is “not family”. He called her “some child”. This is so out the blue as we had a bonfire party just for the children and they all loved it, and they are always around each other?

I’m at a real loss, I hate conflict but I feel like I’m being pushed out of the family for no reason. I also feel angry that my DSD is being spoken about like this for no reason - she’s 5, she’s never known any different.

I have no idea how to navigate this

Has your brother always been such a dick??

Your brother is being an idiot. Did something happen between him and your husband maybe? A falling out? What's your husband saying about this?

Your brother is absolutely vile and I would not be bowing down to him. Stay firm against his awful views. Who thinks that about a 5 year old child?

You are not excluding children - he is

carry on and see your parents

and block your brother

you didn’t create the conflict

He’s a cunt. It’s not normal behaviour.

No! I’m so shocked by this. I’ve always looked after DNs when he has been at work, get on so well with DSIL. He got my DSD a present for Christmas.

he also started being critical of DH for some reason.

my main concern is my DSD. She had a rough start in life and she needs to know she is loved as much as the other children. It’s breaking my heart

He's seeing one more person to share any inheritance with. Utter c**t.

If he is being shitty with DH as well does he suspect DH of having an affair and therefore thinks that DSD won't be in the family much longer?

Even if it is that he is going about it in an utterly horrible way.

Exactly what I thought.

Your brother is horrible. I dont have any advice but I wouldn't want him in my life. It's a shame you will lose contact with your neices but one day they will be old enough to make decisions for themselves.

Hmm has his tiny brain started overworking and is he afraid that your parents might spend money on a gift for her and he somehow thinks that it takes away from his kids or him?
its strange he is doing this now all of a sudden? Has someone new come into his life and influencing him to say this?
My brother once met a woman who thought she had the right to comment on my good relationship with my DSC and her mother

regardless of the reason your brother is a dick to pick on a small child. Fuck him. This is a sibling to your child and trumps him

Are you close to SIL? I’d want to ask her what’s going on.

I doubt it, but maybe? He’s not liked DH as he is a different religion but he always celebrates Christmas with us regardless. He was nice the wedding though and they have had some nice conversations over Christmas (I haven’t told DH about these messages yet)

I'd have a chat with dsil - an I'm so confused, I don't know what we've done wrong approach rather than why is your husband being an utter dick.

who's life will be harder if you don't do childcare? you might find she overrules him pdq!!

Like a pp I wonder if this is more do to with your dh than the little girl. Come to a boil now you’re pregnant.

B is a dick and your parents sound lovely.

My eldest niece is 15, so I have a relationship with outside of my brother. My youngest is 6 though so I worry I’ll be stopped from contact with her :(

I have zero concerns that DH is having an affair. Nothings changed between us - still spend most of our time together, no arguments, no change in anything…

That’s vile. I met my DSD age 3 as well and she’s now 10 and every bit my brother’s niece and my parents grandchild, she’s with us for Christmas dinner every year! Your brother is the one who should stay away, I feel sorry for his children if he’s raising them with this nasty outlook.

I’d just ignore him and crack on as usual taking your step daughter to your parents etc , if he wants to keep his kids away then that is his lookout . I’d also speak to your SIL about what has been said and get her take on it . Basically your brother is an utter knob .

Sounds like something has happened over Christmas or his partner has said something that has set him off.

Id tell your brother that until he grows up and has an adult conversation about what the real issue is, you will be keeping away from him.

Talk to your SIL get her on side and your PIL and call him out on his behaviour every single time. Host Christmas at yours next year and explain the ground rules she is family he doesn’t like it / he doesn’t come

It must have some connection with your dh. It doesn't make sense otherwise. Has he discovered something about him?

Or has he found out something about dsd's mum and he's transferring that to dsd?

I think you need to show the messages to your SIL and ask her what is going on with him. “ Has he got a mental health issue to make him so vile and nasty”

if she looks guilty then you know she agrees with him.

Then remind him that when his own marriage breaks up his daughters will someday be spending alternate Christmases with their new step families and you hope they will feel welcome

You need to speak to your SIL and find out if she knows what’s happened. Have you, that would be the obvious thing as you get on very well.

I would tell him that if he doesn’t want his children around your daughter then he is welcome not to attend family events.

But I would expect your parents to say something to him and if they don’t then I’d be reviewing my relationship with them as well.

But tbh I’d be telling the 15 year old why you don’t see them, because at 15 she’s old enough (and at 15 probably gobby enough) to have an opinion which she hopefully wouldn’t be afraid to voice.