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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you drop this friend

209 replies

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:12

Old work colleague but we've kept in touch. Went to her wedding evening do back in September, I got them a lovely afternoon tea with voucher with champagne that cost circa £100 which is alot for me as I'm not that well off. Put the envelope on the gift table at the reception.
After the reception I hadn't heard anything for over a week so messaged "lovely reception, hope you enjoy the afternoon tea". The reply i got was "Yeah we are looking forward to it, we will have to get your address to send a thank you card". Not heard a word since.
I know people are busy, I know especially after a wedding (to be fair theirs was very casual) that people have stuff to do. But not even a text to say thanks, I had to message them and then nothing since. Is this rude?

OP posts:
MrsDoubtingMyself · 23/12/2025 00:14

I think not sending a thank you card/text for a gift is extremely rude.

Poms · 23/12/2025 00:15

Did you give her your address?

Dollybantree · 23/12/2025 00:15

After my wedding I hand wrote every single person a thank you card - about 80 cards. Unfortunately a lot of people seem to be completely devoid of manners or etiquette these days. You were very generous and of course you’re not wrong to be miffed.

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:15

To be fair no, I didn't. But I would have been happy with a text tbh to just acknowledge the gift.

OP posts:
OrangeITellYou · 23/12/2025 00:17

Seriously only one week after the wedding? Are they not allowed to be on honeymoon and message people when back? They might not have planned to send than you’d until a month later

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 23/12/2025 00:18

Yes it is. Some people have no manners. Whether it's something to drop her over will depend on her other qualities and your tolerance. If she's not a close friend, that's a lot to spend.

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:19

OrangeITellYou · 23/12/2025 00:17

Seriously only one week after the wedding? Are they not allowed to be on honeymoon and message people when back? They might not have planned to send than you’d until a month later

They weren't going on honeymoon. She has 3 kids and he has none. Lovely couple but surely after 3 months i would get a thank you without chasing

OP posts:
TaraRhu · 23/12/2025 00:20

She did text you! Yes, she doesn't overtly say thank you , but she clearly was thankful. Let it go. I wouldn't dump a friend for this.

Poms · 23/12/2025 00:20

I always work on the basis of you rarely know what somebody has going on in their lives which might be contributing to their behaviour.

AntonDeck · 23/12/2025 00:22

She needed your address. You didn't give it. YABU

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:23

Not to drip feed but when she turned 40 6 years ago I went to London to celebrate with her, her (now husband) and friends. It's a 2 hour train ride for me and i'd planned to get the train to St Albans to stay with my sister that night and her friend was going to get the train with me. On the night suddenly they were going to all stay hence me running around the tubes alone with my bil on the phone telling me which tubes to get to get the train to St Albans. I reached there in the end but my god was it a minefield considering I'm not from London.

OP posts:
Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:25

TaraRhu · 23/12/2025 00:20

She did text you! Yes, she doesn't overtly say thank you , but she clearly was thankful. Let it go. I wouldn't dump a friend for this.

No i text her, and she didn't say thank you, just yes we are looking forward to it.

OP posts:
Poms · 23/12/2025 00:25

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:23

Not to drip feed but when she turned 40 6 years ago I went to London to celebrate with her, her (now husband) and friends. It's a 2 hour train ride for me and i'd planned to get the train to St Albans to stay with my sister that night and her friend was going to get the train with me. On the night suddenly they were going to all stay hence me running around the tubes alone with my bil on the phone telling me which tubes to get to get the train to St Albans. I reached there in the end but my god was it a minefield considering I'm not from London.

I’m not seeing the link tbh

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:26

AntonDeck · 23/12/2025 00:22

She needed your address. You didn't give it. YABU

If she was Really going to send anything she would have followed up tbf. I know i would.

OP posts:
Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:27

Poms · 23/12/2025 00:25

I’m not seeing the link tbh

Show quote history

Just a pattern, doesn't seem to care about my feelings

OP posts:
Poms · 23/12/2025 00:28

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:26

If she was Really going to send anything she would have followed up tbf. I know i would.

Show quote history

But she asked for your address and you didn’t supply it.

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:29

She came to my 40th last year and "forgot my present ". I don't expect anything (believe i really don't) but she was so cold about the whole thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:30

Poms · 23/12/2025 00:28

But she asked for your address and you didn’t supply it.

Show quote history

She could have just said thank you via text i wouldn't have minded.

OP posts:
Rehab4rightmove · 23/12/2025 00:34

You don't like her very much, and her not thanking you after a week validated how you feel.

'I'm looking forward to it' demonstrates more gratitude than a simple Thank you.

I would be irritated to be chased after a week if i had just got married, had 3 children and wedding admin to complete.
Your thank you card might wait until the others had been written (especially if I didn't have your address).

Redwinedaze · 23/12/2025 00:34

Must be more to it. That’s not a pattern of behaviour. Very generous gift for an evening invite though and yes a card would have been nice. Have you met each other since?

Poms · 23/12/2025 00:35

I think you don’t like her and you can’t really have been close if she doesn’t even know where you live. So, neither of you have anything to lose if you ‘drop’ her.

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:37

We haven't no. I invited them to a party i was having in October but she said they were busy and had no contact since.

OP posts:
Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:38

To be fair unless you're very close to people these days they don't generally know your exact address unless you entertain at home.

OP posts:
SallyDraperGetInHere · 23/12/2025 00:43

You were invited, you accepted, you brought a gift. That’s the transaction. Of course you should have received a thank you note, but she liked you enough to invite you, and you liked her enough to attend, so can you not just forgive her busy life with three kids and say these things happen?

Redwinedaze · 23/12/2025 00:43

ive drifted from workplace friendships as we have moved workplaces, prob realised friendships were more centred around work, getting each other through the day, maybe you’ve drifted with life moving on?

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