Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you drop this friend

209 replies

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:12

Old work colleague but we've kept in touch. Went to her wedding evening do back in September, I got them a lovely afternoon tea with voucher with champagne that cost circa £100 which is alot for me as I'm not that well off. Put the envelope on the gift table at the reception.
After the reception I hadn't heard anything for over a week so messaged "lovely reception, hope you enjoy the afternoon tea". The reply i got was "Yeah we are looking forward to it, we will have to get your address to send a thank you card". Not heard a word since.
I know people are busy, I know especially after a wedding (to be fair theirs was very casual) that people have stuff to do. But not even a text to say thanks, I had to message them and then nothing since. Is this rude?

OP posts:
Mary46 · 23/12/2025 11:49

Op people are very lax now but maybe she was sending cards on later.. but I agree a quick thank you text. Your gift was lovely.

Theslummymummy · 23/12/2025 11:51

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:15

To be fair no, I didn't. But I would have been happy with a text tbh to just acknowledge the gift.

So why did you say "nothing since" ? she wanted to send a card!!

Theslummymummy · 23/12/2025 11:53

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:23

Not to drip feed but when she turned 40 6 years ago I went to London to celebrate with her, her (now husband) and friends. It's a 2 hour train ride for me and i'd planned to get the train to St Albans to stay with my sister that night and her friend was going to get the train with me. On the night suddenly they were going to all stay hence me running around the tubes alone with my bil on the phone telling me which tubes to get to get the train to St Albans. I reached there in the end but my god was it a minefield considering I'm not from London.

Lol wtf does that have to do with anything?

My 16 year old can get the tube without back up

glendabrownlow · 23/12/2025 11:55

In answer to your original question, OP, yes I would. She can get lost.

Wishingplenty · 23/12/2025 11:57

I really hate prissy people that expect to be thanked every two seconds for every little thing. Are you older? This is very common in the elderly age bracket. It is not unusual to be "thanked" as you put it officially a few months after the event. People are busy especially if they have three children. You need to be a little more understanding and patient. It takes time to write numerous thank you notes, especially with numerous interruptions from small children. Get a life really!

Glowingup · 23/12/2025 12:00

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 10:54

Her dc are all mid to late teens so she doesn't have little kids running around and the wedding was very casual so no tying things up afterwards.

The tubes, well it was half 11 at night, i'd been drinking and navigating getting across London on your own in a strange city that time of night can be quite scary, especially when some lines were shut. They all decided to go on to somewhere else but I left because I didn't want to be trying to get back in the middle of the night. If it were the daytime I might have felt differently.

I'm guessing from the thread iabu so I'll leave it there.

So what did you expect your friend to do? Leave her own party to accompany you to a major train station? Force her friend whose plans had changed to actually take you there. You sound completely incompetent and if she texts you asking for your address and you don’t give it to her then that’s on you.

glendabrownlow · 23/12/2025 12:00

Wishingplenty · 23/12/2025 11:57

I really hate prissy people that expect to be thanked every two seconds for every little thing. Are you older? This is very common in the elderly age bracket. It is not unusual to be "thanked" as you put it officially a few months after the event. People are busy especially if they have three children. You need to be a little more understanding and patient. It takes time to write numerous thank you notes, especially with numerous interruptions from small children. Get a life really!

Nice insult there plus ageism.

Createausername1970 · 23/12/2025 12:03

I think you have placed this friendship further up the ladder than where she has placed it.

I wouldn't "drop" her, but you might need to shift her down a few rungs.

£100 gift voucher is a lot to give to "an old work colleague". Its the amount I would give to close friends or close family.

TwistedWonder · 23/12/2025 12:08

This seems to be one of these threads that hasn’t gone the OP’s way so there’ll be continual drip feeds to ‘prove’ she’s right

Baby2duejuly2026 · 23/12/2025 12:09

Ok I’m going to say it

YABU

For the reasons:

  1. you messaged just a week after the wedding about your gift you gave, most people are on honeymoons or are still processing the wedding, busy and sorting bits out enjoying newly married life. I might go is even far to say that she may have taken your messages a dig, “hope you enjoy your afternoon tea” she might be thinking hang on it’s only been a week. I haven’t even got round to giving out thank you’s yet!

  2. She said to you that she’s looking forward to it and ask for your address to send you a thank you. You’ve complained that she didn’t send you a thank you and have ADMITTED TO NOT GIVING HER YOUR ADDRESS. The capitals because I can’t believe you are asking if YABU when you are part of the reason if not the main reason that you haven’t received a thank you card because you didn’t supply your address.

The gift was lovely that you gave and of course I’m a big believer of thanking guests for their generous gifts but, expecting a thank you a week later and not supplying your address… it just sounds like you expect a big hoo haa of a thank you instead of just realising you don’t give to get a reaction back

StBernie · 23/12/2025 12:12

I agree with you OP, it’s rude. I think it just doesn’t occur to some people to say thank you, unfortunately. I’ve been to a couple of weddings where that’s happened. I guess it might be to do with upbringing. It was drilled into me to say thank you for gifts.

strawberryandtomato · 23/12/2025 12:34

Sorry but you don’t text thank you a week later then send thank you cards. Thank yous should be sent out within 5-6 weeks after the wedding latest. My sil got so rude with me about my lack of thank yous. But I was dealing with a terminally ill dad, a house move and a toddler. She received her thank you one month after the wedding. I wanted my photos back so I could use them on the card- that took 28 days. I think you’re being a bit uptight about this. She said they weee sending thank you cards

Phlfz · 23/12/2025 12:51

... There's maps all over the underground and you can use Google maps which tells you how to navigate it. I'm not from London and have never expected any help from my friends there on how to navigate what is quite a well signposted system. Did you tell her that you were uncomfortable and would struggle with this or did you just expect her to know? Because I'm not sure many people would expect another adult to struggle with it.

dontmalbeconme · 23/12/2025 12:55

Blimey, the London (non)incident was SIX YEARS ago, and you're still bearing a grudge?

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 13:04

Baby2duejuly2026 · 23/12/2025 12:09

Ok I’m going to say it

YABU

For the reasons:

  1. you messaged just a week after the wedding about your gift you gave, most people are on honeymoons or are still processing the wedding, busy and sorting bits out enjoying newly married life. I might go is even far to say that she may have taken your messages a dig, “hope you enjoy your afternoon tea” she might be thinking hang on it’s only been a week. I haven’t even got round to giving out thank you’s yet!

  2. She said to you that she’s looking forward to it and ask for your address to send you a thank you. You’ve complained that she didn’t send you a thank you and have ADMITTED TO NOT GIVING HER YOUR ADDRESS. The capitals because I can’t believe you are asking if YABU when you are part of the reason if not the main reason that you haven’t received a thank you card because you didn’t supply your address.

The gift was lovely that you gave and of course I’m a big believer of thanking guests for their generous gifts but, expecting a thank you a week later and not supplying your address… it just sounds like you expect a big hoo haa of a thank you instead of just realising you don’t give to get a reaction back

I don't expect a card at all, just a text is fine.

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 23/12/2025 13:06

It was only a week after the wedding when you texted her. When you texted her, she acknowledged the gift and said she was looking forward to the afternoon tea. Did you expect an additional text from her after that to thank you again?! If she doesn't have your address, presumably you weren't expecting a card in the first place, only a text. You got a text from her in response to yours. Why do you then need another one?

You didn't 'have to' text her to get a thank you from her - you chose to. By texting her only a week after her wedding fishing for thanks, you preempted any thank you she might have been planning to send. She didn't thank you unprompted because you only gave her a week before you prompted her.

BauhausOfEliott · 23/12/2025 13:09

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 13:04

I don't expect a card at all, just a text is fine.

Show quote history

She probably would have texted you, when she was sending thank yous to everyone else who bought her a gift, but you texted her before she had a chance - because you apparently think a week is too long after a wedding for someone to get round to doing their thank yous. She then replied to acknowledge the gift. What else did you want? Another text?! You're being weird.

Even if she had forgotten to thank you, ditching a friend over that one thing would be mad.

dontmalbeconme · 23/12/2025 13:11

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 13:04

I don't expect a card at all, just a text is fine.

Show quote history

But she's already told you how much she's looking forward to it by text. Why does she need to send you another text to repeat herself? The thanks is implied, no? And she's given you the offer of a formal thank you card, but you've not provided your address.

BauhausOfEliott · 23/12/2025 13:14

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 00:23

Not to drip feed but when she turned 40 6 years ago I went to London to celebrate with her, her (now husband) and friends. It's a 2 hour train ride for me and i'd planned to get the train to St Albans to stay with my sister that night and her friend was going to get the train with me. On the night suddenly they were going to all stay hence me running around the tubes alone with my bil on the phone telling me which tubes to get to get the train to St Albans. I reached there in the end but my god was it a minefield considering I'm not from London.

This happened SIX YEARS AGO and you're still on about it now? Not only was it six years ago, but it was also a complete non-event. You're a grown woman and it was up to you to sort your travel. It was her birthday, not yours. Of course you shouldn't have expected her to accompany you home if she wanted to stay out.

Whether you're from London or not, the Tube isn't difficult to navigate. The maps and signage are extremely clear.

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 13:18

For my big birthday I recieved some lovely gifts, I messaged everyone to say thank you straight away because I never expect gifts and they were lovely.

This wasn't some lavish affair where they were waiting for photos to be processed nor were they going on honeymoon or looking after their neighbours friends ill dog. I've been to a few weddings where I've put money in a card and not received a thanks, it's interesting because either giving thanks is a priority or it isn't to some people. But the thread says iabu so I guess I am 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 23/12/2025 13:19

StBernie · 23/12/2025 12:12

I agree with you OP, it’s rude. I think it just doesn’t occur to some people to say thank you, unfortunately. I’ve been to a couple of weddings where that’s happened. I guess it might be to do with upbringing. It was drilled into me to say thank you for gifts.

But for all you know, it would have occurred to her to say thank you - we'll never know, because the OP texted her to demand a thank you only a week after the wedding. She may well have been planning to sit and message/send cards to everyone soon, or she may have been planning to have the afternoon tea and then say 'We've just been for our afternoon tea and we had such a lovely time, thank you so much' afterwards. But the OP didn't wait to find out. And then didn't provide her friend with an address for the thank you card - even though the friend literally told her she would need it in order to send one.

Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 13:19

BauhausOfEliott · 23/12/2025 13:14

This happened SIX YEARS AGO and you're still on about it now? Not only was it six years ago, but it was also a complete non-event. You're a grown woman and it was up to you to sort your travel. It was her birthday, not yours. Of course you shouldn't have expected her to accompany you home if she wanted to stay out.

Whether you're from London or not, the Tube isn't difficult to navigate. The maps and signage are extremely clear.

Show quote history

I didn't expect her to accompany me home

OP posts:
Original poster
ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 13:21

BauhausOfEliott · 23/12/2025 13:19

But for all you know, it would have occurred to her to say thank you - we'll never know, because the OP texted her to demand a thank you only a week after the wedding. She may well have been planning to sit and message/send cards to everyone soon, or she may have been planning to have the afternoon tea and then say 'We've just been for our afternoon tea and we had such a lovely time, thank you so much' afterwards. But the OP didn't wait to find out. And then didn't provide her friend with an address for the thank you card - even though the friend literally told her she would need it in order to send one.

Edited
Show quote history

That was no demanding lol, it wasn't quite that dramatic

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 23/12/2025 13:23

ARunByFruiting · 23/12/2025 13:18

For my big birthday I recieved some lovely gifts, I messaged everyone to say thank you straight away because I never expect gifts and they were lovely.

This wasn't some lavish affair where they were waiting for photos to be processed nor were they going on honeymoon or looking after their neighbours friends ill dog. I've been to a few weddings where I've put money in a card and not received a thanks, it's interesting because either giving thanks is a priority or it isn't to some people. But the thread says iabu so I guess I am 🤷‍♀️

For my big birthday I recieved some lovely gifts, I messaged everyone to say thank you straight away

Just because that's what you decided to do, that doesn't mean people who leave it a couple of weeks are being rude. There's no official timescale to thank people.

Regardless of whether their wedding was 'some lavish affair' or not, it's still very normal for a couple to have a bit of time to themselves to chill after a wedding, even if they don't have a honeymoon.

Driftingawaynow · 23/12/2025 13:26

She’s very rude not to say thanks in the text