Would you drop this friend

[ARunByFruiting]

Old work colleague but we've kept in touch. Went to her wedding evening do back in September, I got them a lovely afternoon tea with voucher with champagne that cost circa £100 which is alot for me as I'm not that well off. Put the envelope on the gift table at the reception.
After the reception I hadn't heard anything for over a week so messaged "lovely reception, hope you enjoy the afternoon tea". The reply i got was "Yeah we are looking forward to it, we will have to get your address to send a thank you card". Not heard a word since.
I know people are busy, I know especially after a wedding (to be fair theirs was very casual) that people have stuff to do. But not even a text to say thanks, I had to message them and then nothing since. Is this rude?

They’re a little bit preoccupied with being newlyweds right now.

They've been together for 7 years, she was going through a divorce (he hasn't the other man) when they met. They've bought a house together, he's taken on her 3 kids (who are all older) so they are hardly a young flush of love, no kids newly weds. They are both pushing 50 and way past the young, free, and wild phase.

You don't know how trains work? Really? You can't read a train timetable or navigate a tube journey using a tube map?

Honestly, it wouldn't occur to me that a functioning adult would need help to use trains and tubes. Do you have some kind of specific learning disability that makes normal life hard for you, and if so did you make your friend aware of it and that you have a high level of needs?

The expectation that an adult needs another adult to help them catch a train is pretty weird, and wouldn't occur to most people.

Yep, agree.

From what you've said I think they are waiting for you to send an address. They might have been surprised to receive such a generous gift from an evening guest, we didn't expect anything from evening guests.

You are investing too much time and money into this friendship. You are not a priority to her.

She did text you

Well technically she didn’t she just replied to the op text.

You chose to give a gift you can’t afford, she didn’t ask nor expect that. You easily could have chosen a £20 or £30 gift you felt more comfortable giving. Like many people, she’s likely just got caught up with life and hasn’t thought about it so your text prompted her.

She asked for your address to send a card and you wouldn’t give her it, instead you want to complain that she didn’t say thank you in the text…

i think you need to evaluate whether you want her in your life, as it comes across like you don't actually like her her much, and if that's the case (and it happens, life happens, people change) then move on.

yes she should have sent a thank you card - but you knew she didn't have your address, so why didn't you send her it when it was mentioned?

but the London thing is very odd. I can't understand why you are so aggrieved by that. I live in a very small town in Scotland, but can navigate my way around London on the very odd occasion I am there.

life is too short - if you don't want to be friends with someone it's ok not to be.

Golly these replies are mental! You all turn on the OP when clearly the friend is in the wrong. What kind of standards do you all have - she's been treated appallingly.

However I do think you should have taken the hint OP when she forgot your birthday present. Why on earth would you then spend £100 on a wedding present as an evening guest (or any guest)?

She clearly does not view you as that important, sorry to say.

Yes, you are the filler friend. You're willing to go out of your way to attend to someone who wouldn't (and doesn't) go out of her way for you.

Thank you cards...ugh. A verbal thanks is sufficient for me. I don't need anyone to consume time writing out a thank you card to send.

She is a bit off-hand with you, and should have given you a 40th present. So I’d take a step back.

You should have given your address though when she is asked, and you’re being pretty overdramatic about the train / tube situation.

I think texting to nudge for a thank you a week after the wedding was incredibly bad manners — I wouldn’t expect a thank you card or message for a month or two at the earliest. And I don’t see how it’s this woman’s fault that her friend changed her plans to travel to St Albans after a party?

I think she should have sent a thank you card by now.

I also think one week wasn’t enough time to leave it in the first place. It took us a lot longer than this to do thank you cards. But I understand a lot more time has passed now.

It was nice of you to give the afternoon tea but I think that’s a lot to spend on a friend. I would have spent a lot less (maybe twenty quid).

Yes thank you notes are appropriate after a wedding. Yes no gift or a card at your 40th was a bit rude (unless she couldn’t afford it) The getting lost in London wasn’t her issue. I wouldn’t spend £100 for a friend if I was an evening guest. It sounds like you are more invested in this friendship than she is, maybe step back a bit.

By three months after my wedding, I’d got PG, been extremely sick, had a MMC and was signed off sick from work with depression.

So I didn’t send the lovely thank you cards that I’d bought especially but everyone close enough to us to knew what we were going through understood.

Not everyone is simply rude.

I think you are a lot more invested in her than she is in you and you’re coming across as quite needy imo.

You don’t think she meets your standards of friendship so why bother? Just accept you’re a casual friend.

Spending £100 on a gift as an evening guest is OTT imo and adding to be thanked after a week is a bit needy.

OP in the real world this is rude behaviour. She should have thanked you. That was a lot to spend on afternoon tea. I would consider letting the friendship fade due to all the incidents where you felt taken for granted. Life is too short.

She should have said thank you in a message, but some people don’t get round to it or it doesn’t occur to them - it doesn’t necessarily mean they feel unappreciative of the gesture or gift. I think you’re a bit over invested in her and it’s healthier to talk about it with her rather than do the cowardly thing of dropping her.

It was only a week!

Agreed. The London example is just weird.

I would let this friendship drift.
Wait to hear from her.
Don’t rush to accommodate her invites, if it’s not convenient then don’t go.

Change your expectations of what you expect from the relationship if you want to continue it. I don't think she has done anything particularly wrong except not making you a priority in her life.

Your friend still includes you in significant occasions but you are wanting more. She doesn't feel the need to do this so you have got to decide if her way of including you in her life is enough.

Your gift was very generous. However, gift cards impose admin and logistics. You have to store them and then find them, remember you have them and what they're for, check expiry dates (and, with some, fees). They would have to find and plan time and travel to get there, organise childcare, maybe get dressed up. Also, there are threads about some afternoon teas having become high cost and poor quality. I am currently wrestling with two £100 cards where I can only spend the exact value unless I travel to store and top up with cash, can't see anything I want or need to buy there anyway, and they expire soon. They are a bloody liability.