Who else Is dreading the Christmas drive on Christmas day ?

[SonnyHoney]

Who does a big drive there and back on Christmas day and hates it ??

3 days to go and I've literally thought about it multiple times on a daily basis.

My husband and I are self employed business owners, We are exhausted. He works 13 hours most days
I'm also recovering from recurring shingles, it takes it out of me for weeks after.
We have 2 children 16 and 10, They love seeing family but hate being away from home every Christmas day.

Every year we visit family 90 miles...can take about 1.40 mins to 2 hours.

I love seeing my family, but the whole of Christmas is just taken up doing the drive.

One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option and it caused a lot family upset.

Last year one of my nieces spent the whole time in her room, And the other niece purposefully excluded my daughter (10) And eventually made her cry on Christmas day. My sister did tell her off, but we are all expected to move on after that.

I just feel like this Day isn't for me or it's about pleasing my family.

All month I've been telling myself I would tell them I'm not coming, Haven't mustered up the courage.

I know I'm being a big baby, I just need to vent

Sounds like you need and deserve a Christmas on your own, with your own little family and no one to bother you.

OP you need to grow a backbone, this is ridiculous. For your children’s sake say no and don’t do it. You’re an adult!

You need to host next year so they come to you. Or just have a quiet Christmas at home, no visitors

My mum lives 5 hours away so we are driving there on Christmas Eve and driving back on the 27th. Picking up DS (27) on the way. We will have the dog with us and will have to stop for him a couple of times. I imagine the roads will be hell and it will actually take much longer.

"sorry guys we've had a change of plans and can no longer travel on Xmas day.
We'd love to invite you on X date to ours for a family catch up instead.
Lots of love Sonny honey".

Job done.

Don't do it.
Phone your family and say " I'm not well, I thought I'd be ok but I'm really not"

Send dh to the shop to stock up on foid and drink and then just relax.

Shingles can be stress related. You really really need to rest.

Just invent norovirus striking on 23rd and you aren't going to risk spreading it. By 25th,of course,you will all miraculously recovered enough to enjoy Christmas at home.

I hear you. Its alot and you are quite justified in feeling like you do.
I have a short drive to collect an ageing guest this year but all in all with returning them home its 3 hrs out of my day..its frustrating and annoying and bloody inconvinient but it wouldn't be the same without them. So I totally get you.

Is that really better than staying over? We are doing the drive this afternoon, I'm quite looking forward to it but I like a good drive. About 6 hours including a break for dinner. But we are staying till Boxing Day night.

If we were going to my brother's that would be about the same distance as your drive. We'd definitely stay at least two nights though. Although if there wasn't room I'd still enjoy the drive probably.

You should put yourselves and your children first and stay home. Loads of people visit before or after Christmas as they like the day itself at home. Why is it more important to you to not upset your sister than your own kids?

Stop doing it! You think your kids are going to tell their kids one day about their fond memories of being sat in a car on Christmas Day or being made to cry by their cousins?

One of the best things I ever did for my family was put my foot down about Christmas. We'll visit my family and husbands family on Christmas Eve or boxing day, but Christmas day we stay put. Some years we host, sometimes it's just us, but it's always a lovely relaxing day.

YABU

Why havent you made the decision what is best for your family and not travel. Stop being a wetwipe and start standing up for yourself and your family.

‘I’ve been told that it wasn’t an option’

you are aware that you can do this too?

‘What time will you be coming for Christmas this year?’
’sorry, that’s not an option this year’

Too late to change this year, but a lot of flu going around just now……

If they get “upset” just keep repeating you love seeing them but it is a shit Christmas Day for your family driving for 4 hours of it, so either they alternate and come to you every other year or you are having a family Christmas at home and will see them another day next year.

For goodness sake grow a backbone! Your poor 10yr old is probably dreading it. Tell them now that you are unwell with shingles and can't come!

I voted YABU as you just need to say no.

Just tell them! You can say it on the nicest way but firmly.

Maybe you haven’t got over your shingles yet?

@SonnyHoney you need to stand up to your family.

Can you not stay over? Or in a hotel nearby?

If you are too tired and can't stay over then just tell them sorry you're not coming this year as you are unwell.

Votes you were unreasonable as you can say no! You are an adult with kids do what works for you

Just don't do it.
Or, I have a similar journey and drive to my mother's on Christmas day. We stay at the local Holiday Inn on Christmas night, have a quick.coffee on Boxing morning and home by three.
The hotels are usually very good value on Christmas day - why not make things easier for yourself.

Why do people do this to themselves? Just, don’t.

If we were as exhausted as you, my dad would ask me not to drive to them.

Not me. Will be spending the 40 degree day (Western Australia) in the pool with frozen daiquiris, with my 3 kids and my best friend and her kids. I can't wait!

That sounds perfect ..I am beyond jealous. Have an amazing time x

Why do you do it then? I never do. My family got used to it and they know Ill see them in the summer. They weren't happy but I have a job that drains me and I need the 4 days off to myself.
Nobody is forcing you to do this every year.

You need to acknowledge that you are an adult. You don’t have to travel on Christmas Day.

Just stay home. Let them know you won’t be coming as you are exhausted. Offer visiting a different day/ neutral place/them visiting you. They won’t have any difficulty telling you what doesn’t work for them, so why do you?

Stand up for yourself woman!!