Who else Is dreading the Christmas drive on Christmas day ?

[SonnyHoney]

Who does a big drive there and back on Christmas day and hates it ??

3 days to go and I've literally thought about it multiple times on a daily basis.

My husband and I are self employed business owners, We are exhausted. He works 13 hours most days
I'm also recovering from recurring shingles, it takes it out of me for weeks after.
We have 2 children 16 and 10, They love seeing family but hate being away from home every Christmas day.

Every year we visit family 90 miles...can take about 1.40 mins to 2 hours.

I love seeing my family, but the whole of Christmas is just taken up doing the drive.

One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option and it caused a lot family upset.

Last year one of my nieces spent the whole time in her room, And the other niece purposefully excluded my daughter (10) And eventually made her cry on Christmas day. My sister did tell her off, but we are all expected to move on after that.

I just feel like this Day isn't for me or it's about pleasing my family.

All month I've been telling myself I would tell them I'm not coming, Haven't mustered up the courage.

I know I'm being a big baby, I just need to vent

Just don't do it
I stopped visiting anyone a few years ago, no one got offended.
We have a lovely relaxing day, just the 2 of us.
I used to visit absolutely everyone over the Christmas break. No one ever visited us. One day I just decided no more, and that was that!

That nasty bout of shingles has obviously weakened your immune system, because you can feel yourself going down with the flu. What a pity.
Job done, no further explanation needed.
Either that or the truth.

I think it is too late to back out this year, but you need to tell them next year, as early as possible, that you want to spend Christmas at home. You will visit them on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, or the weekend after, whatever suits them best. If they say nothing suits them, then say very sorry that we won't see you then.

You are allowed to spend the day at home. Everyone does Christmas differently. I had friends who would do his parents, then her parents, then a year at home every third year.

Every year we visit family 90 miles...can take about 1.40 mins to 2 hours.

stop.

I love seeing my family, but the whole of Christmas is just taken up doing the drive.

stop then

One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option and it caused a lot family upset.

They can’t force you all to get in the car. Just don’t do it!

Just tell them you are not well enough to travel and hope they have a great time. Tell them today so they don’t cook for you.

It should be an easy call. Your DC don’t enjoy it. You and your husband are exhausted. You really need to recover.

Say no- we were always expected to do the drive, option of sleeping amongst a load of clutter on an airbed. We just say no. Now we do the weekend before with in laws and weekend after with my family. It took me a long time to tell everyone if you want to see us at other times, we could confirm that the road went both ways occasionally we get a petulant strop from certain members on my side. But it’s water off a ducks back. One Christmas stuck in traffic yet again- I said no more, and now we have a lovely family Christmas just the three of us and the dog

it caused a lot family upset.

Tough. It causes YOU a lot of family upset to have to go. Next year you're having Christmas at home, aren't you?

Fuck that, we don't leave the house on Christmas day and we don't have anyone round either. It's perfect.

This.

Put yourself and your family first for once and stay home. Life is too short to be running around all the time whilst others make you/let you do it.

I’d book a hotel - if you book way ahead in June/July the mass market chains are cheap. Tough if the kids don’t want to stay overnight

That would be a 'big drive' to us (for context, DP and I are doing two x four-hour drives on Christmas Eve, a four-hour one and an hour-long one on 27 December and three hours on 28th!) but I can completely see why you wouldn't want to be doing it on Christmas Day itself, with kids... especially to see family who actually don't sound like enjoyable company anyway!

As others have said - next year, you really do need to be firm and say no.

I had to do this as a child and HATED it. Really hated it. I guess it’s a little late to pull out this year but why don’t you announce that this will be the last time?

Nope. Wouldn't be doing that. Have not driven anywhere on Christmas Day ever. If we are not at home for Christmas, we go the day before at the latest.

Find your spine, tell them that driving to them is not an option and get yourself to the nearest supermarket and buy a Christmas dinner in a box so it is dead simple, stay at home and relax. Better by far for your physical and mental wellbeing.

Your husband needs to grow a backbone too.

How completely crap for your children that you can't put them first

Make a stand. Just do it.

I thought you were going to say 4 hour drive. Why are you worrying about a less than 2 hour drive?

Why do so many Mumsnetters spend Christmas doing things they don't want to do. Once you are grown up you get to decide.

Call them today, and tell them you are sick. It’s not even a lie, you are recovering from shingles and you sound close to a burn out. Rest up over Christmas. Then go and see them sometime in the new year instead (spring, summer?) and reconsider what you want to do next year. Either you go and book a hotel (early - so cheaper) or you propose having Christmas at yours. There are lots of other ways to do this, but you keep choosing the option that makes you and your children miserable. Just say no, OP!

I absolutely wouldn’t travel long distances on Christmas Day itself. This year we’re doing the equivalent of travelling early on Christmas Eve and coming back late on Boxing Day (not the actual dates due to shift work). Even that feels like it spoils the days a bit, and is why we only do it on a rota every few years.

This is one of those situations where apologising works better than asking permission.

You can’t break with tradition…until you do, and then that becomes the tradition.

“Because we are recovering from illness we have made the decision to stay at home this year. Hopefully we can make plans in January and maybe spend some time on FaceTime on Thursday”

Come Summer you announce that you all loved having a quiet day at home together and have decided from now on that will be your family’s plan for Christmas Day.

Oh dear, you've come down with d&v so much of it going around. Sorry you won't be able to make Christmas, wouldn't want to infect everyone else.

100% agree.

Norovirus or a really bad cold.

I feel for you OP, I was in this situation for a long time too.

I'm fascinated by the responses on this thread and how views vary across the different forums. On the Christmas and Elderly Parents threads there are other posters getting it in the neck because they don't want to drive several hours to spend Christmas with parents, or pick them up. You really can't win.