Who else Is dreading the Christmas drive on Christmas day ?

[SonnyHoney]

Who does a big drive there and back on Christmas day and hates it ??

3 days to go and I've literally thought about it multiple times on a daily basis.

My husband and I are self employed business owners, We are exhausted. He works 13 hours most days
I'm also recovering from recurring shingles, it takes it out of me for weeks after.
We have 2 children 16 and 10, They love seeing family but hate being away from home every Christmas day.

Every year we visit family 90 miles...can take about 1.40 mins to 2 hours.

I love seeing my family, but the whole of Christmas is just taken up doing the drive.

One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option and it caused a lot family upset.

Last year one of my nieces spent the whole time in her room, And the other niece purposefully excluded my daughter (10) And eventually made her cry on Christmas day. My sister did tell her off, but we are all expected to move on after that.

I just feel like this Day isn't for me or it's about pleasing my family.

All month I've been telling myself I would tell them I'm not coming, Haven't mustered up the courage.

I know I'm being a big baby, I just need to vent

You’re an adult. Do what works for you. I find these posts absolutely baffling!!

On Christmas Day when I was a kid my maternal grandparents who lived 20 miles away went to my auntie & family who lived near them and my paternal grandma who lived 80 miles away went to my uncle & family who lived near her.
My own family saw maternal grandparents on Boxing Day but never saw paternal grandma at all over Christmas.
Everyone was happy with this arrangement especially myself and siblings who got to stay in our own home with our presents and mum & dad's fabulous meals EVERY Christmas Day of our childhoods.
I now realise how extremely lucky we were to have grandparents who weren't insistent on seeing ALL their grandchildren every Christmas.
I would add that we were very fond of all our grandparents and saw them regularly throughout the year.

I do not do big drives/ long travel on Christmas day. It is too stressful on a day I (and the kids, DH, wider family) want to enjoy. We can travel other days. But not on the day. Anything longer than 20-30 mins is out.

I would be the exact same reading a post like this. Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate the tough love and kind words.

In response to individual questions.

• I cant stay overnight, we have pets and we wouldn't be able to leave them overnight. We have a dog/ferret sitter but she obviously isn't working Christmas. Neighbour checks in on dog during the day. A kennel is also not an option as he is a rescue who would be very stressed.

• I can understand why my sister doesn't want to host another day, She drives on Christmas eve to pick my parents up (35 miles north of her) in the morning and drops them back on boxing day.

• I live in a tiny cottage and its just to small for all 10 of us. Alternating parents each year wont work As my father who has had a stroke about 16 years ago will not travel the 130 miles from his house to mine as he says it's too much for him, even though we would pay for a taxi.

.
I have drafted a text message this evening, Husband has told me not to send it to her tonight as it will upset her before bed.

If it’s a duty visit with no real love on your part you shouldn’t go. Mostly, the hosts put a lot of effort into making visiting family comfortable, fed and welcome. If it’s not reciprocated it’s such a sham. Christmas should be about love and not duty. Self centred people ruin others good intentions.

Perhaps the hosts were glad you ‘put your foot down’. They could relax.

Send that message in the morning OP. You're still too unwell with shingles and you'll have to stay home. Then breathe a sigh of relief.

I have drafted a text message this evening, Husband has told me not to send it to her tonight as it will upset her before bed.

what did it say?

Why is there always some supercilious dickhead like you on every thread determined to think the worst of literally everyone and make snide little comments about everything?

This was my parents and my husband's parents, who I love very much and who absolutely loved hosting us and were sad when we made the decision to change how we did things for the sake of an easier Christmas season for two very busy emergency service workers trying to juggle our demanding jobs around the demands of two very large families, but were understanding and adapted to the change because that's what normal, sane families do outside the Mumsnet-verse where everyone hates eachother and can't stand spending time together.

Nothing would induce me to do this, short of a relative whose last Christmas it likely was.

Invent a bug if you have to, but get yourself out of it. Later next year explain to your sister that you are under strict instructions from the doc to reduce stress and rest more - so while you'd really love to come up for a day, Christmas Day is just too much.

You might not see her next year, and she might be cross but she'll get over it by the following year. Lay it on v thick re stress.

This ^^

It causes family upset whether you go or not. It's just that if you go it's YOU/DH/DC that are upset not others. You don't have to be a doormat.

To answer the question the drive doesn't bother me, but you clearly don't want to go, so just don't. Stay home. Its okay for other people to be disappointed, don't put the extended families wishes over your children (or your own)

Reading your update I'd say, if you do genuinely want to see your family at Christmas you might just have to suck it up that this is how Christmas goes, best thing you could do is alternate, 1 year do the big family thing, next year just the 4 of you at home. Your parents won't be there forever, assuming you like them you should probably make the effort, try and find some happiness in it -you have family that really want to see you, so much so they get upset if you're not there, surely that's nice that they want you there that much?

I guess we all have different opinions but I wouldn't say 1.5-2 hours is a terribly long journey, plan some car games for you all to do, make the journey a bit more fun, you can still have the morning in your own home, have a nice breakfast together, get to the family for lunch and be home in the evening, you're basically just going out for lunch.

Good luck with it all and merry Christmas.

What’s sad about this is the number of people, including the op, who can never feel what they want and prefer to do is fine and should be prioritised. Always been guilted or bullied into doing what others want.

Just. Don’t. Go.

Go to the shops today and buy your food; text your relatives and apologise and explain you're exhausted/ill and you’ll see them in the New Year.

Stop doing this to yourself and stay at home.

One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option

OP, come on. You’re an adult. What lord and commander is saying this to you?

I absolutely hate sleeping away from home, even at the AC’s houses, and will do the 100 miles each way to see the DGC on Christmas Eve. Dreading the journey tbh.

I can understand why someone wouldn't want to go, but dropping it out of nowhere two days before is a bit of a pain for people who may have bought and organised and just makes it the whole focus of the event rather than a new normal that people can get used to over the many months before.

I would suck it up this year but give plenty of warning next year.

Actually if not driving Christmas Day, would anyone have an idea whether Christmas eve or Sunday 28th is likely to be worse on the M1?

It may be too late for this year, but next year just stay at home! You need to prioritise your own health and wellbeing, as well as your children's wishes.
There are lots of other days you can visit your relatives.
Make 2026 the year you grow a backbone!

Nope - we get the train up on the 23rd and stay around a week. Then the in laws come here for around a week.

God it’s exhausting. I’d love to just have everyone come down to mine and I’d host both sides but my siblings’ children need to go to their other parent on Xmas day or Boxing Day. So that’s that scuppered.

I can speak for a specific road but in my experience roads are terrible 27/28/29 as people move. CE esp, afternoon is ok. But not course lots of variable

Haven't your shingles come back? Hasn't your doctor told you to stay away from people?

Isn't a supermarket open near you that you could go to to do a trolley dash?

Come on, OP, use your imagination!

I didn't go.
I told her why and she completely belittled me
She never acknowledges the toll that recurring shingles and a vestibular disorder takes on my body.

We haven't spoken since the 23rd.

Thanks for all your input guys. We had a well needed relaxing Christmas at home.

Good for you. Hopefully, she’ll reflect on all you said.
Happy New Year