Page 9 | Who else Is dreading the Christmas drive on Christmas day ?

SonnyHoney · 2025-12-22T11:41:19+00:00

Who does a big drive there and back on Christmas day and hates it ?? 3 days to go and I've literally thought about it multiple times on a daily basis. My husband and I are self employed business owners, We are exhausted. He works 13 hours most days I'm also recovering from recurring shingles, it takes it out of me for weeks after. We have 2 children 16 and 10, They love seeing family but hate being away from home every Christmas day. Every year we visit family 90 miles...can take about 1.40 mins to 2 hours. I love seeing my family, but the whole of Christmas is just taken up doing the drive. One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option and it caused a lot family upset. Last year one of my nieces spent the whole time in her room, And the other niece purposefully excluded my daughter (10) And eventually made her cry on Christmas day. My sister did tell her off, but we are all expected to move on after that. I just feel like this Day isn't for me or it's about pleasing my family. All month I've been telling myself I would tell them I'm not coming, Haven't mustered up the courage. I know I'm being a big baby, I just need to vent

WhatNoRaisins · 27/12/2025 13:20

Brilliant news OP. Hope you had a good one. Let her simmer down for a bit and hopefully this will all blow over.

NearlyMonday · 27/12/2025 15:01

Well done OP!

GAJLY · 27/12/2025 17:06

SonnyHoney · 27/12/2025 13:05

I didn't go.
I told her why and she completely belittled me
She never acknowledges the toll that recurring shingles and a vestibular disorder takes on my body.

We haven't spoken since the 23rd.

Thanks for all your input guys. We had a well needed relaxing Christmas at home.

Well done op, you must put yourself first and make yourself well. If people don’t care about you like your mother, then you’ll have to ignore them and put yourself first. Be well and healthy.

OtherSideOfTheStory · 27/12/2025 20:25

Yes completely unreasonable.
I’d say you have MISSED off a few KEY DETAILS here.
The family member had offered you back in September for you and your family to stay Christmas night and double checked that you did still want to come for Christmas back then.
It took you two weeks to respond and say no to staying but yes to coming.
This family member every year has picked up your parents, had them stay and takes them home. Resulting in the same amount of driving that you are doing, on top of the hosting.
Anytime that you have had an occasion christening, communion etc. This family member picks up parents 50mins from other direction before driving to you.
You cancelled on 23rd Dec by WhatsApp, the day a table was being delivered to fit us all and after I had bought all the food.

My Own life is busy enough. We are living in a renovation.
You have form for doing this. The amount of times somebody has accounted for you on your own RSVP and you’ve just not shown up.
Why on earth would you say you want to come, let me buy all the food first then cancel?

As for your daughter crying. She has form. Her behaviour at Gone Wild was so that I couldn’t face it a second time.
I have spoken to both of mine about what you said and told them you cited it when you cancelled less than 48hrs before.

I think this changes the AIBU question.

OtherSideOfTheStory · 27/12/2025 20:28

You’ll see my comment on page 9 of this. She was offered to stay over back in September.

OtherSideOfTheStory · 27/12/2025 20:32

themerchentofvenus · 22/12/2025 11:51

@SonnyHoney you need to stand up to your family.

Can you not stay over? Or in a hotel nearby?

If you are too tired and can't stay over then just tell them sorry you're not coming this year as you are unwell.

They were offered to stay back in September at the same time as I checked they would still like to join us for Christmas.

OtherSideOfTheStory · 27/12/2025 20:40

YouBelongHere · 22/12/2025 16:32

I get it OP, I'm somewhat of a people pleaser too but it's time to say no.

'We were told it wasn't an option.'

Based on what?? If Christmas Eve and Boxing Day aren't an option then they'll have to wait until 27th onwards to see you given that you're the one doing the long drive!! Yes hosting can be difficult but if I was the one who got to stay home all day I would be bending over backwards to accommodate the ones doing lots of travelling.

I wouldn't go for any of it. If they get cross that says more about them than you.

She was told Xmas Eve and Boxing Day are not an option based on the fact that that we pick up the parents from their house and drive them home those days (on top of hosting them here). To be expected to do another spread of food for 10 at short notice, as well as the Christmas dinner is a bit much.
I had actually previously said to the op that in years going forward if they’d prefer to come Xmas Eve instead of Christmas I would accommodate that.
With notice obviously, not after I have already bought all the Christmas dinner food and food for parents visit.

DallasMajor · 27/12/2025 20:58

OtherSideOfTheStory · 27/12/2025 20:25

Yes completely unreasonable.
I’d say you have MISSED off a few KEY DETAILS here.
The family member had offered you back in September for you and your family to stay Christmas night and double checked that you did still want to come for Christmas back then.
It took you two weeks to respond and say no to staying but yes to coming.
This family member every year has picked up your parents, had them stay and takes them home. Resulting in the same amount of driving that you are doing, on top of the hosting.
Anytime that you have had an occasion christening, communion etc. This family member picks up parents 50mins from other direction before driving to you.
You cancelled on 23rd Dec by WhatsApp, the day a table was being delivered to fit us all and after I had bought all the food.

My Own life is busy enough. We are living in a renovation.
You have form for doing this. The amount of times somebody has accounted for you on your own RSVP and you’ve just not shown up.
Why on earth would you say you want to come, let me buy all the food first then cancel?

As for your daughter crying. She has form. Her behaviour at Gone Wild was so that I couldn’t face it a second time.
I have spoken to both of mine about what you said and told them you cited it when you cancelled less than 48hrs before.

I think this changes the AIBU question.

If this is a real reply then the OP has been completely reasonable.

@SonnyHoney I suggest going no contact as this reply is bat shit - I would also direct you to the Stately Home threads.

WhatNoRaisins · 27/12/2025 21:03

Taking these replies at face value I never get why people that don't even sound as though they like each other would go to such aggro to spend time together. Focus your time and energy on the people you actually do like.

Katie0909 · 27/12/2025 22:54

CauliflowerCheese00 · 22/12/2025 15:25

“Because we are recovering from illness we have made the decision to stay at home this year. Hopefully we can make plans in January and maybe spend some time on FaceTime on Thursday”

Come Summer you announce that you all loved having a quiet day at home together and have decided from now on that will be your family’s plan for Christmas Day.

This is spot on. Spare yourself the exhaustion this year while you are ill and next year your starting point is that you will be spending Christmas Day at home. You should not be running yourself into the ground for family who are not prepared to be flexible for/supportive of you.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 27/12/2025 23:07

😲😲😲😲

NearlyMonday · 27/12/2025 23:21

OtherSideOfTheStory · 27/12/2025 20:25

Yes completely unreasonable.
I’d say you have MISSED off a few KEY DETAILS here.
The family member had offered you back in September for you and your family to stay Christmas night and double checked that you did still want to come for Christmas back then.
It took you two weeks to respond and say no to staying but yes to coming.
This family member every year has picked up your parents, had them stay and takes them home. Resulting in the same amount of driving that you are doing, on top of the hosting.
Anytime that you have had an occasion christening, communion etc. This family member picks up parents 50mins from other direction before driving to you.
You cancelled on 23rd Dec by WhatsApp, the day a table was being delivered to fit us all and after I had bought all the food.

My Own life is busy enough. We are living in a renovation.
You have form for doing this. The amount of times somebody has accounted for you on your own RSVP and you’ve just not shown up.
Why on earth would you say you want to come, let me buy all the food first then cancel?

As for your daughter crying. She has form. Her behaviour at Gone Wild was so that I couldn’t face it a second time.
I have spoken to both of mine about what you said and told them you cited it when you cancelled less than 48hrs before.

I think this changes the AIBU question.

If this is legitimate, then I don’t know why the two sides of the family even consider socialising at Christmas as they clearly don’t like each other

ElfWhatElf · 28/12/2025 00:21

Oh my goodness.
OP look after yourself if this reply is real.

Original poster

SonnyHoney · 28/12/2025 00:37

OtherSideOfTheStory · 27/12/2025 20:25

Yes completely unreasonable.
I’d say you have MISSED off a few KEY DETAILS here.
The family member had offered you back in September for you and your family to stay Christmas night and double checked that you did still want to come for Christmas back then.
It took you two weeks to respond and say no to staying but yes to coming.
This family member every year has picked up your parents, had them stay and takes them home. Resulting in the same amount of driving that you are doing, on top of the hosting.
Anytime that you have had an occasion christening, communion etc. This family member picks up parents 50mins from other direction before driving to you.
You cancelled on 23rd Dec by WhatsApp, the day a table was being delivered to fit us all and after I had bought all the food.

My Own life is busy enough. We are living in a renovation.
You have form for doing this. The amount of times somebody has accounted for you on your own RSVP and you’ve just not shown up.
Why on earth would you say you want to come, let me buy all the food first then cancel?

As for your daughter crying. She has form. Her behaviour at Gone Wild was so that I couldn’t face it a second time.
I have spoken to both of mine about what you said and told them you cited it when you cancelled less than 48hrs before.

I think this changes the AIBU question.

It is real, it's my sister.

When I agreed, I felt absolutely fine. I took time in replying on staying as I had to find out from the dog sitter what she was doing around christmas and Think about the logistics.
Yes in the past on two occasions over 10 years ago I agreed to come to two external family events, I did not show up at one, the other one I called and cancelled in the morning. I have been reliable for the past few years.
During covid I was really unwell for weeks in bed and have suffered neurological problems since. I've had all sorts of treatment including vision therapy with the NHS to retrain my vision to work with my brain . When I speak to you about this you always glaze over it like it doesn't matter. This on top of recurring shingles really takes it of me. When I agreed to come for christmas day I felt fine.

OP posts:

TidyCyan · 28/12/2025 08:50

SonnyHoney · 28/12/2025 00:37

It is real, it's my sister.

When I agreed, I felt absolutely fine. I took time in replying on staying as I had to find out from the dog sitter what she was doing around christmas and Think about the logistics.
Yes in the past on two occasions over 10 years ago I agreed to come to two external family events, I did not show up at one, the other one I called and cancelled in the morning. I have been reliable for the past few years.
During covid I was really unwell for weeks in bed and have suffered neurological problems since. I've had all sorts of treatment including vision therapy with the NHS to retrain my vision to work with my brain . When I speak to you about this you always glaze over it like it doesn't matter. This on top of recurring shingles really takes it of me. When I agreed to come for christmas day I felt fine.

Show quote history

I wouldn't want to see her at Christmas either, OP, based on the above replies. You had already acknowledged she picks up your parents (a whole 50 minutes away) so understood why Christmas Day was the only day available. Her medal is in the post. That doesn't magically make you not ill.

GAJLY · 28/12/2025 10:01

I honestly think you need to decline all invitations from this side of the family from now on. It’s better for everyone to know where they stand as cancelling at the last minute is bad form if done repeatedly.

NearlyMonday · 28/12/2025 11:57

It sounds like you and your sister have different wants and needs at Christmas; it’s not always possible to dovetail these, so would it be the end of the world if you have a get - together at a different time of year?

Even after acknowledging your sister does lifts for other relatives etc, it doesn’t negate you being ill.

But as a pp has said, if these gathering are not your thing (for whatever reason) it’s best to be clear in advance (emergencies not withstanding)

MNHQ

HebeMumsnet · 28/12/2025 20:32

Evening, all. It looks like this thread has spilled over into real life here, and is causing a couple of posters on the thread some problems. We think it's best if we call a halt to it here so we're going to close the thread to new posts.