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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who else Is dreading the Christmas drive on Christmas day ?

218 replies

SonnyHoney · 22/12/2025 11:41

Who does a big drive there and back on Christmas day and hates it ??

3 days to go and I've literally thought about it multiple times on a daily basis.

My husband and I are self employed business owners, We are exhausted. He works 13 hours most days
I'm also recovering from recurring shingles, it takes it out of me for weeks after.
We have 2 children 16 and 10, They love seeing family but hate being away from home every Christmas day.

Every year we visit family 90 miles...can take about 1.40 mins to 2 hours.

I love seeing my family, but the whole of Christmas is just taken up doing the drive.

One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option and it caused a lot family upset.

Last year one of my nieces spent the whole time in her room, And the other niece purposefully excluded my daughter (10) And eventually made her cry on Christmas day. My sister did tell her off, but we are all expected to move on after that.

I just feel like this Day isn't for me or it's about pleasing my family.

All month I've been telling myself I would tell them I'm not coming, Haven't mustered up the courage.

I know I'm being a big baby, I just need to vent

OP posts:
SatsumaCandlesCloves · 22/12/2025 16:10

it caused a lot of upset.

So their upset trumps yours and your daughters ??

LittleBearPad · 22/12/2025 16:21

Just say no!

Get your own food and tell them you’ll see them over the weekend.

You don’t have to do this

Somehowgirl · 22/12/2025 16:28

Owly11 · 22/12/2025 14:59

I thought you were going to say 4 hour drive. Why are you worrying about a less than 2 hour drive?

Because she doesn’t want to do it. I wouldn’t even drive my car 2 inches down my own driveway on Christmas Day.

YouBelongHere · 22/12/2025 16:32

I get it OP, I'm somewhat of a people pleaser too but it's time to say no.

'We were told it wasn't an option.'

Based on what?? If Christmas Eve and Boxing Day aren't an option then they'll have to wait until 27th onwards to see you given that you're the one doing the long drive!! Yes hosting can be difficult but if I was the one who got to stay home all day I would be bending over backwards to accommodate the ones doing lots of travelling.

I wouldn't go for any of it. If they get cross that says more about them than you.

burblish · 22/12/2025 16:33

Amazing how many people think the road between yours and theirs only goes one way, isn't it. After a few years of dragging tiny DC away from their presents for the long drive to and from DH's relatives (mine don't celebrate Christmas), I put my foot down: I will go anywhere he wants on Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, any other day of the holidays (I do actually like his family!), but we are staying put on Christmas Day itself. Anyone who wants to see us is more than welcome to come to ours, and DH can even put himself out to ferry them back and forth to their schedule if he likes, but DC and I aren't budging. Amazingly, the world hasn't stopped turning just because we have exercised the same choice as everyone else. Even DH admits he prefers it the way we do it now. Give yourself permission to do the same, OP, and put you and your DC first.

ICanSpellConfusionWithaK · 22/12/2025 16:48

Fucking hell life is too short. I have parents that live within minutes and we are not seeing them Xmas day. After years of dancing to everyone else’s tune, we can’t wait to have it just us.

TeideHeart · 22/12/2025 16:54

IamSmarticus · 22/12/2025 11:51

I voted YABU as you just need to say no.

Me too!

Toddlerteaplease · 22/12/2025 17:10

I’m driving from Liverpool to Nottingham, on Christmas morning. It’s usually really quiet on the M6

BlackCatFanClub · 22/12/2025 17:31

Stop letting Christmas be crap for your children just to satisfy other people.
Ive had a few friends who have stopped travelling for the sake of their children. One of my friends drove to her in-laws for 15 years (her husband doesn’t drive) before she put her foot down and said no more.

Oioiqueen · 22/12/2025 17:37

You've got shingles and need to recuperate so just tell them that. Being ill could cause you to cancel any year and they'd just have to suck up so make it this year. The next year when the plans are discussed mention that it was enjoyable to stay at home so you will be doing it again but anybody is welcome to come and join you.

Mermaidsarereal · 22/12/2025 17:55

I'd say since covid we stopped making the trips on Christmas day (although it's never 90 odd miles) family are welcome to pop into ours an exchange gifts, it's been so much better for my daughter.

Harrizo · 22/12/2025 18:03

SonnyHoney · 22/12/2025 11:41

Who does a big drive there and back on Christmas day and hates it ??

3 days to go and I've literally thought about it multiple times on a daily basis.

My husband and I are self employed business owners, We are exhausted. He works 13 hours most days
I'm also recovering from recurring shingles, it takes it out of me for weeks after.
We have 2 children 16 and 10, They love seeing family but hate being away from home every Christmas day.

Every year we visit family 90 miles...can take about 1.40 mins to 2 hours.

I love seeing my family, but the whole of Christmas is just taken up doing the drive.

One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option and it caused a lot family upset.

Last year one of my nieces spent the whole time in her room, And the other niece purposefully excluded my daughter (10) And eventually made her cry on Christmas day. My sister did tell her off, but we are all expected to move on after that.

I just feel like this Day isn't for me or it's about pleasing my family.

All month I've been telling myself I would tell them I'm not coming, Haven't mustered up the courage.

I know I'm being a big baby, I just need to vent

Don’t go. If your family want to have a tantrum about it, that’s up to them. No one should be coerced into travelling for hours to make other people happy on Christmas Day. Stay home with your family. They’ll get over it. And if they don’t, well that’s a ‘them’ problem. Enjoy your restful Christmas Day (and ignore your phone too!)

NotMyKidsThough · 22/12/2025 18:58

YANBU - the road is the same distance in both directions. But as you don't want to see them anyway, just say "Shingles flare-up." Anyone who's ever seen one will know that getting to the bottom of the garden is problematic, let alone a 90 minute drive.

BooBooDoodle · 22/12/2025 19:41

Put boundaries in place and just say no. Goes down like a bowl of sick at first but it has to be done. It’s your Christmas too so put your foot down and say you’re staying home this year.

twilightcafe · 22/12/2025 19:44

So stop doing this madness.

Your family will be annoyed. But they'll get over it.

Time to put yourself and your immediate family first.

twilightcafe · 22/12/2025 19:44

twilightcafe · 22/12/2025 19:44

So stop doing this madness.

Your family will be annoyed. But they'll get over it.

Time to put yourself and your immediate family first.

That's why I voted YABU

NearlyMonday · 22/12/2025 19:44

OP, have you reconsidered?

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 22/12/2025 19:49

I used to travel for Christmas. Absolutely hated it. One particular year, I didn’t have a drink on Christmas Day as I had to be up bright and early on Boxing Day to drive a 3 hour journey. I got stuck behind an accident on the motorway for 6 hours. That was the year enough was enough. There was a fair amount of fall out when I said I wasn’t doing it any more. But now I have a lovely peaceful day. At home! Try it! You’ll like it.

MMAS · 22/12/2025 19:51

Shingles quarantine is your answer as you are still not out of the woods and can pass it on. No elderly person, let someone in their right mind, would want to contact shingles. Been there, done the time, its vile.

gamerchick · 22/12/2025 19:57

MMAS · 22/12/2025 19:51

Shingles quarantine is your answer as you are still not out of the woods and can pass it on. No elderly person, let someone in their right mind, would want to contact shingles. Been there, done the time, its vile.

You can't catch shingles.

MimiSunshine · 22/12/2025 20:01

There is a tonne of good in the supermarkets. Get to the nearest one and stock up then tell your sister and the rest of your family that you’re not coming.

lie and say you’re ill if you feel you need an excuse.

but sod that drive. None of them would do it for you so why are you? Is it because you’re the one who moved? Didn’t mean you sacrifice yourself to the motorway every Christmas Day.

put your kids 1st, please.

MMAS · 22/12/2025 20:04

Actually, you can if you have an immune system which is compromised. It is also a health risk for people of a certain age. Do read up NHS guidelines. It is high risk, which is why they say anyone who has it, should not be around new born babies. Do get your facts correct before actually posting.

somanychristmaslights · 22/12/2025 20:27

You’re not pleasing your family. Your own children are telling you they don’t want to go and you’re ignoring them.

YourWildAmberSloth · 22/12/2025 21:00

You don't need to vent - you and your husband need to grow a pair. None of you want to go (adults or children), yet for some reason you insist on doing it. Sorry but it makes zero sense and must be crap for the kids. Just plan and do your own Christmas.

AutumnLover1989 · 22/12/2025 21:21

I feel so bad for my husband. He's the only one that drives in our family. We have a 5 hour drive on Christmas eve,home boxing day,day at home then a couple of hours drive on 28th,home again on 30th 😞 No one would see us if we didn't make the effort. Can't do this every year. Actually it's not every year it's all the time ,😞

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