Who else Is dreading the Christmas drive on Christmas day ?

[SonnyHoney]

Who does a big drive there and back on Christmas day and hates it ??

3 days to go and I've literally thought about it multiple times on a daily basis.

My husband and I are self employed business owners, We are exhausted. He works 13 hours most days
I'm also recovering from recurring shingles, it takes it out of me for weeks after.
We have 2 children 16 and 10, They love seeing family but hate being away from home every Christmas day.

Every year we visit family 90 miles...can take about 1.40 mins to 2 hours.

I love seeing my family, but the whole of Christmas is just taken up doing the drive.

One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option and it caused a lot family upset.

Last year one of my nieces spent the whole time in her room, And the other niece purposefully excluded my daughter (10) And eventually made her cry on Christmas day. My sister did tell her off, but we are all expected to move on after that.

I just feel like this Day isn't for me or it's about pleasing my family.

All month I've been telling myself I would tell them I'm not coming, Haven't mustered up the courage.

I know I'm being a big baby, I just need to vent

We are hosting this year and my husband has been taken out with a cold yesterday (which he insists is the flu but which I had before him and is definitely just a cold 🤣) and we don’t want to cancel but wondering if we should.

Anyway, I freely share our reason as your fake excuse - you have unfortunately been taken out with the new strain of flu called the “K flu”, you have a fever and due to the sickness now being in your household you simply can’t risk exposing your family to it.

Do you ever do Christmas Day with your DH'S family, at yours or theirs?

Seriously you shouldn't feel you have to do EVERY Christmas Day with your family. Most people don't, for all sorts of reasons (also wanting to see partner's family, work, long journeys etc).

YABU for bowing down to whoever tells you you have to drive that far for Christmas, and not doing what's best for your family.

Agree with everyone else, you shouldn't feel like you have to do this every year, it's not fair on you or your children. If you really feel like you can't cancel this year I would wait until you're about to leave and then mention that next year you will be staying at home for Christmas and stick to it.

Posts like this at Christmas do my absolute head in.

I pressed YABU. Because you are U to put your family through this every year.

It’s crazy, unnecessary and smacks of being a total mug tbh.

You really don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, but I’m sure you already know this and have some kind of Christmas martyr complex going on. You like moaning about it and feeling like you flagellate yourself and your family every Christmas in order to please others - a kind of Christmas virtue signalling.

”We’re spending the day at home this year as all the driving is exhausting” will suffice - and anyone who complains is a selfish arsehole whom you shouldn’t be entertaining - why do they expect you to do what they themselves won’t do?

You honestly need to give yourself a mental slap across the face and wise up.

It really is beyond me why people put up with this shit. We have always srayed in our own home at Christmas.
We used to see in laws on christmas eve and my parents on boxing day. No one ever got offended.
Our adult kids come to us but none of them have partners, if they did it would be up to them how they choose to do the day. No guilt tripping from us.
I think it's awful that kids get new toys and are then dragged round various relatives.

Every time I have driven on Christmas day the roads have been completely quiet.

I'd might be inclined to suck it up if the kids enjoyed it but they don't. Sack it off, there's still time to grab some food if you want to sack it off this year but if not seriously think about sacking it off next year. They'll probably tantrum but you can just treat them like toddlers and not react to it.

I suppose this is why Tenerife looks so attractive at this time of year!

YANBU
We never traveled to see relatives on Christmas day when I was young. That was always done on the days surrounding Christmas - or with my grandmother, my dad would pick her up Christmas Eve and she'd stay a couple of nights with us.
Now I'm an adult with a family of my own, we are lucky that all family live close by. We do go to see my mum and my siblings gather there too, but we are all in the same town or very close by.

I'm with the others, seriously why?

Why is your families happiness less important?

What a shame you've started this horrid flu..

YABU not to realise that saying no is always an option.

This sounds dire. 180 miles of driving on Christmas day taking about 4hrs, what an awful way to spend a day that comes once a year.

Another reason why Christmas should be phased out.
Another example of the pressure and expectations.
There's 364 other days of the year to see people.

Back out now with illness and have a lovely Christmas with your own family

Yabu for not getting a back bone and doing what’s right for your family.

Honestly longer term it’s time for big pants on and an honest conversation
this year I’d seriously consider developing D&V on Christmas Eve and staying at home. You still have time to get food in and can make it special for your kids.

I'd consider making 'growing a backbone' your new year's resolution OP!

It's quite ridiculous.

Even if not for your sake, think about the message you're sending to your daughters.

We don't need to phase out the entire concept of Christmas because the OP has failed to develop a backbone!

It's a tad 'baby out with the bath water'.

No one is the boss of you. You are the boss of you. Tell them you’re not coming and have a lovely Christmas Day at home.

Why are you putting other family members before your children?
Stop being a martyr and say you're having a small family Christmas at home and will see the others on another day.
Don't lie just be honest and say that you don't want to do a long drive on Christmas day.

I used to have to visit my grandparents on Christmas day as a child and hated it, I loved them but really didn't want to get dressed and leave my presents at home.
Since having my own children I've been honest and told people that we're at home on the day and make arrangements to visit on another day.

YABU for not putting yourself first for once. Do you actually want to get seriously ill?

Agree with this. Seriously (and this is meant kindly) I don't know why anyone puts themselves through this. Its OK to say no, it's too much at the best of times, but absolutely not happening at the minute after being ill. If people don't understand then that's on them not you.

I feel so sad at how much I've read on MN in the past few weeks about what folk put up with and put themselves through at Christmas. We really don't have to be martyrs.

Make this the year you think of yourself for once.

It's pretty poor you are putting your own inability to say no above your children's feelings really.