Who else Is dreading the Christmas drive on Christmas day ?

[SonnyHoney]

Who does a big drive there and back on Christmas day and hates it ??

3 days to go and I've literally thought about it multiple times on a daily basis.

My husband and I are self employed business owners, We are exhausted. He works 13 hours most days
I'm also recovering from recurring shingles, it takes it out of me for weeks after.
We have 2 children 16 and 10, They love seeing family but hate being away from home every Christmas day.

Every year we visit family 90 miles...can take about 1.40 mins to 2 hours.

I love seeing my family, but the whole of Christmas is just taken up doing the drive.

One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option and it caused a lot family upset.

Last year one of my nieces spent the whole time in her room, And the other niece purposefully excluded my daughter (10) And eventually made her cry on Christmas day. My sister did tell her off, but we are all expected to move on after that.

I just feel like this Day isn't for me or it's about pleasing my family.

All month I've been telling myself I would tell them I'm not coming, Haven't mustered up the courage.

I know I'm being a big baby, I just need to vent

Sorry OP but I put YABU. So many threads on gere recently with people moaning on about things they are perfectly capable of putting right. If your family are really that arsey then you haven't missed out on anything. Time to use your voice and say no.

Bonkers. No way would I put my family through that, it’s bloody ridiculous to expect DC to spend over 3 hours in the car on Christmas Day.

Come down with flu, or even better a tummy bug and stay at home.
Your family's needs ( and I mean your husband and children) along with your own wishes have to be primary at Christmas.
There is absolutely no way you and your husband should be using your precious rest and holiday time to do that journey. Your wider family are being selfish and are lacking in consideration expecting this of you every year.
Put yourself first. If you can't or won't no one else ever will ❤️🎄❤️

Just don't go.

Fuck that.

Best part of being an adult is doing what you want.

Fuck that. Stay at home. If they really want to see you they can do the travelling.

You should be putting yourself first. Say you're really feeling unwell and won't be coming for Christmas. But you'll arrange something in the new year, when you're feeling better.

I would have strategic norovirus this year, starting Christmas Eve morning, if I felt as bad as you sound. Then next year, I’d get in early and say you’re popping up for an overnight stay in a hotel in early December and leave it at that.

You don’t need to please everyone - just ensure your children and you and your DH are happy with the decision.

The sentence on Mumsnet that quite truthfully changed my life: if SOMEONE is going to be unhappy with a decision, why does it always have to be you? Went non contact with my family, changed my life for the better. Stopped some people pleasing at work and did fewer tasks for other people, completely life changing. I'm only 11 months into living this way and I'm planning to go hard 2026 the same way. People stopped being pleased, and that was a little hard to get used to, but the ceiling didn't fall in. So so much happier. Stay at home x

I feel bad for you that you're dreading what should be a lovely time. I agree with others who said:

"Sorry guys, I'm really not well enough to visit Christmas Day, I hoped I would be but sadly not. Would love to try and catch up between Christmas and New Year if we can, let me know what works and if I'm feeling better I'd be happy to host. Lots of love xxx"

Wha a poor, feeble example you are setting for your daughter. Taking her to an environment where she was previously bullied by her cousin because you “can’t” say no.

You can say no, you’re just choosing not to.

One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option and it caused a lot family upset.

So, you would rather your household has a really shit Christmas instead?

Honestly, stop being such a wet lettuce and man up. You don't have to do what your parents tell you any more-you have free will.

I'm looking forwards to Christmas because we're spending it with our closest friends who live a 5m walkaway with a toddler the same age.

The toddlers can play together in the park after opening their presents and nap without getting side eye from grandparents wanting to wind them up. They can bumble off to play together, have an early evening dinner, then since all of us will have been up since 6am, we'll be happy slumping at home on the sofa in the evening when they're in their own beds instead of being badgered into games and a late night drinking sesh by retired boomers who don't have to get up in the morning.

You are being a big baby but it is because this problem is easily solved but you refuse to rock the boat. Just tell everyone you are staying home this Xmas. Problem solved. It really is that simple. Advocate for yourselves. Grow a backbone. All the stuff that said on numerous other threads on the same topic of people running themselves ragged to try to please everyone else.

You could simply inform your family that you are giving your kids their own family Christmas this year. End of. If you feel you can't do that without more of an excuse then recovering from shingles is perfectly valid.

Say NO. My kids always have Christmas at home. I absolutely would not be going somewhere with a bratty child that made my child cry last year. I bet your family never come to you? Why are you a doormat? Why can your sister be a dick about it but you can’t just say no? Sounds like a shit time for your poor kids who have told you they want to stay home ffs.

I'd definitely start vomiting on the 23rd. The whole family.

I’d assert myself and tell them I’m not coming. Or feign a stomach bug. Either/or

Hate, hate, hate the drive but love who I'm going to see. Last year the said 6hr drive took 9hrs coming home. We had a three year old with us who was probably the best behaved of us all.

Don't go. It's making you miserable. I'd invent an illness this year, and next year say that as the children loved their quiet, relaxed Christmas day, from now on you'll stay at home and visit (ie) the weekend between Christmas and New year.

I'd also book a nearby hotel when you visit, make it as stress free as possible.

I have said you are unreasonable because ypu agree to do it. We stopped years ago and love put chilled christmas day.

We are happy to host and go all out if we have guests but this year its just the 3 of us so are eating party food and pizza and stsying in pjs enjoying crap telly, lovely food, board gsmes and devent wine. It is brilliant.

And we didnt ask permission, we told people what was happening. Said we wont be driving to you this year, out child wants to enjoy her gifts too. We will see you boxing day if you still want to get together and will bring x y z food and drinks.

Why don't you offer to host? Or stay in a hotel, or rent a cottage nearby if you can afford it? Or just say 'no, you're exhausted, we can meet up after Christmas Day, come to ours for a post Christmas gathering'.

You need to either except this is how Christmas goes in your family, and find a way to enjoy it, or if you hate it that much, change it, offer to host.

How far away is everyone from you, or do they all live in the same place and you are the only one with a distance to travel?

Your children hate being away from home on Christmas Day. That should tell you everything you need to know.

Stop being a martyr and do what you and your immediate family want to do.

You don’t get many Christmases where your kids actually want to be at home with you.

I really want to come on this thread on Boxing Day morning and find a post from the OP saying she took our advice, stayed home and had a wonderful, stress free day with her family.

This 💯. We used to drive 3 hours each way (Australia so distances are big) and my overriding childhood memory of Christmas was my mother being stressed and snappy on hhe way, my cousins and aunt being arseholes and my mother sobbing all the way back. It was fucking miserable and a very large reason why I left Australia when I was early 20s and have never returned. I refuse to see my aunts and cousins even now and have a hard time forgetting that my mother thought appeasing them was more imply than ensuring the safety of her own children.

Can’t you stay over. I can’t believe anyone expects you all to do that drive for the sake of a couple hours. Just say you aren’t well enough if not. Sounds like you need some r&r time