Who else Is dreading the Christmas drive on Christmas day ?

[SonnyHoney]

Who does a big drive there and back on Christmas day and hates it ??

3 days to go and I've literally thought about it multiple times on a daily basis.

My husband and I are self employed business owners, We are exhausted. He works 13 hours most days
I'm also recovering from recurring shingles, it takes it out of me for weeks after.
We have 2 children 16 and 10, They love seeing family but hate being away from home every Christmas day.

Every year we visit family 90 miles...can take about 1.40 mins to 2 hours.

I love seeing my family, but the whole of Christmas is just taken up doing the drive.

One year I asked If we could do Christmas eve or boxing day, I've been told that wasn't an option and it caused a lot family upset.

Last year one of my nieces spent the whole time in her room, And the other niece purposefully excluded my daughter (10) And eventually made her cry on Christmas day. My sister did tell her off, but we are all expected to move on after that.

I just feel like this Day isn't for me or it's about pleasing my family.

All month I've been telling myself I would tell them I'm not coming, Haven't mustered up the courage.

I know I'm being a big baby, I just need to vent

I saw your weather prediction! I’ve family in Bunbury who asked us to come visit, too hot for us!! Aiming for a top of 21 here in Vic.

YAB incredibly U, do what you want. You are absolutely mad - no one wants to go yet you go every year…?

Why are you putting your parents wishes above your children’s? It’s Christmas. Your children should come first

Stay at home OP. I have the same except this year we have gone with your siggestion of an alternative day. Thankfully, none of my family mind!

Why would you force your kids to do this every year?

We used to do 1 year with my mum and sisters (they're still teenagers) and 1 year with DH's family. DH's family live about 1.5 hours away but they always expected us to be the ones driving there, they never bothered to do it. We all have kids who are a similar age but apparently it's 'too hard' for them to do that drive, while for us it's obviously extremely easy 🙄.

Anyway after doing that for 4 years we got sick of it and now just don't go. We're now always with my mum/sisters for Christmas, they live 10 minutes away. My kids prefer going to their house than them come to our house (they think it's more interesting) so we always go to my mum's, but they wouldn't mind coming to our house either.

I would just stop going there. Why should you be the one always driving there while they make no effort?

FGS just don't do it.

You're exhausted. Put yourselves and your children and first and stay at home, if you want to. There's no rule that says you have to do this drive.

Honestly stay at home. Christmas is tricky and you’ll never please everyone. We made the decision from the moment we had two children that we’d prioritise keeping them (and us) happy. We now stay at home and just have my mum and dad over as they are lovely and easy we then see the rest of the family before and after Christmas. They’ll eventually get used to it and it’ll be so worth it. I always remind my family that Christmas is a period of time and we don’t have to cram everything into just Christmas Day.

I haven’t read the full thread but the fact that you are getting shingles to me means your immune system is depleted and you are probably living off the fumes of stress hormones. You really should take a break and get some rest. Coupled with the fact you don’t enjoy the day and your kids would prefer to be at home you need to cancel this year.

Just don't. Be ill or make up a reason this year and never reestablish the tradition.
Ive done the big Xmas day drive twice. Once as DM forgot she didn't have beds for everyone staying over, no open hotels so we had an impromptu day trip in hideous weather with pissed off teens. And once 10 years before where FiL was so drunk when we arrived that we left again. At least the weather was nice that time.

Sorry OP I simply cannot empathise at all. It would be one thing if you truly loved it when you got there but it sounds miserable to me. And your family sounds awful having no flexibility about it. We keep to ourselves on Christmas Day and see family over the festive season. I would have no problem telling them to go stuff themselves.

I think this is why so many people hate Christmas. None of you enjoy doing this so why have you continued for so many years? You’re all burnt out, your children hate doing it and want to be home so stay home! Visit relatives during Twixmas or before the day.

Host next year. I am the opposite to you. We have never been entertained over Christmas and I am already exhausted. Lots of shopping and battling the supermarkets, huge expense, and never ending cooking, cleaning and topping up as food runs out. The thought of someone else cooking dinner sounds like bliss….

You genuinely aren't well. Tell them you aren't coming because of that. If they kick off turn your phone off.

You've got flu. Cough. What a shame, oh well!

You sound like you need a rest make a decision today and enjoy a Christmas at home. Plan a teams in at say 5pm to wish everyone a happy Christmas.

I hear you. Some families mine are really hard to say no to.

I love my in laws and my family, but my favourite ever Christmas was covid, as I didn’t have to rush to visit everyone ! Now I host a day over the holidays, where we get to have everyone come to ours if they’d like & it’s less stressful.

This is AIBU. It would be bizarre if it was flooded with threads about what a wonderful Christmas they anticipated having.

I do it most years to the inlaws although its about 50 miles each ways so not quite as bad but this year have decided we are doing christmas at home with just me, dh, the baby and the dog. I am honestly so excited for the babies first christmas. We will go in inlaws for new years day instead.

I would phone and tell them
that you are too unwell to go, I used to be a chronic people pleaser and agree to plans that I would then fret over…
I hit 40 and just basically thought I needed to try and do what I wanted from then on…. In the last almost 2 years I’ve done exactly this, the sky has not fallen down , my family still speak to me although there is probably a lack of closeness now that I once thought was there….
Turns out unless I was the one doing the running around, people weren’t that bothered about altering their plans to accommodate me and my children/DH.
Its been liberating, if I’m asked to do something/go somewhere I don’t want to, I just say that I don’t want to, it isn’t going to work for me or I’ve got plans to do something else.
No one else is going to advocate for you, you need to start doing it for yourself and the fact you’ve been worrying/giving it headspace for days means it really isn’t worth it.
Cancel the trip, get your Christmas bits and have a lovely Christmas Day at home!

Lots of tough love on this thread but I think you needed to hear it OP. I hope it’s given you the confidence to make a change and that you have a nice Christmas at home

I'm driving 250 miles on Christmas Day and 250 miles on Boxing Day, I refuse to drive on Christmas Eve as it takes twice as long. I'm sucking it up because it's the first time I've done it for 20 years but I'm not looking forward to it

Just don’t go. Do Christmas at home.

Or if you do go, book into a holiday inn or something the night before. Even if it’s half an hour away this would be better. Don’t even discuss with family, none of their business.

You’re a grown woman with options here.

40 degrees, perfect???

This sounds like hell, It's making you and your kids sad and you are ill. Lots of food in the shops still stay home rest and recover and in the future just say no.