To pull out of Xmas?

[NewNameforThisPost2025]

I'm divorced, no kids or siblings, family all dead. Lovely kind friend invited me for Xmas Day. Lovely, except....I then got conned into staying for three days instead of just a few hours on Xmas Day. Three days out of my precious break, and I'm an introvert who HATES staying in other people's houses and socialising for days on end. We have to visit all her relatives Xmas Eve and Xmas Day too.

She is a dear friend and I know she'll be disappointed if I pull out. (She wouldn't be on her own; she has her husband, kids, and mum.) I've let her down in the past a couple of times though. If I do so this time, I think it will affect the friendship.

But I cannot tell you how much I'm dreading it, for no other reason except that I simply don't want to give up my independence for three days and socialise with a bunch of strangers. I prefer to be in my own home. But I've already said yes.

Thoughts?

Why do you have to stay for three days?

If she's really your friend then surely she'll understand?

What do you mean you have been conned and need to spend 3 days there? If she's invited you for Xmas just go for the day?

Could you still come for Christmas Day but go home that evening or first thing Boxing Day?

You might get the flu, then you wouldnt want to ruin their Xmas...

Tell her you can only spend the day with her, if this doesn’t work for her then enjoy a peaceful Christmas at home.

I'd just try and reduce. Arrive late on Christmas Eve and leave early on Boxing Day,

Do you have to stay for 3 days? I’d go for 1 night as a compromise maybe.

I think you go and have a lovely time for the day, maybe tolerate one sleep with a smile but come down with bad gastric flu the next day. Take a tin of chunky soup for audio visual special effects.

I understand. I’m an introvert too and couldn’t think of much worse than staying away from home With a friend for more than a day.

however, christmas is the loneliest time of the year for some. Do you have anyone else to spend time with? If not, are you sure that you won’t feel lonely?

otherwise, could you be honest with DF and just say your social battery can’t really cope with a few days away and that you’d love to see her in the day then escape home to chill by yourself in the evening?

I would just go for Christmas Day

You have a few options.

Invent excuses for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.

Say last minute you’ve been feeling v tired for xxxxx reason and therefore would love to come for Christmas Day but can’t do the rest.

Say you’ve got pet care issues.

Say you’re fostering a cat and can’t leave it (if you don’t already have pets).

Say your neighbour needs you to watch their house.

Be honest and say what you’ve posted above. But she might take this the wrong way.

I think you should go for Christmas day but invent a get out for the staying over, personally.

YANBU. If you don’t think she’ll take it well (she sounds bossy if she’s twisted your arm into staying days instead of hours!) then just be ‘ill’. Look after number 1!

Actually I was going to invite a friend for Christmas Day, when I heard she was going to be home alone. Her wife is going home for a few days, and she doesn’t get on with the in-laws, hence not going. Then I re-read her message, and noted that she was looking forward to some chill-time at home. Alone.

Ooh oh no. Visiting other people's relatives. Absolutely not.

Why on earth does she want to host you for three days?

Is there a reason why you have to stay for 3 days, and can't go just for Xmas day? If you're not going you will have to tell her soon, so she doesn't over-cater. Don't leave it to the last minute. That will damage the friendship.

I don't drive and she wants to drink, which is how Xmas Day turned into Xmas night, as she didn't want to give me a lift to the station. I did offer to get an Uber, but she was gung-ho about me staying.

This. Then learn from your mistake and don't say yes, when you mean 'no' again! If you are worried about the friendship because she may takes your intovertedness personally, have an excuse ready for each year.

Insist on the uber and go home Christmas evening.

Xmas night is to do with the driving, and she asked me for Xmas Eve in person and I wasn't quick enough to think up an excuse.

You need to be less of a pushover. Make a plan that works for you and let her know. If it doesnt work for your friend then stay home. Be honest and say you dont want to be away from home for 3 days and need some chill time

I think if you want lifts then you need to fit in with her plans. If you can get yourself there and back then tell what you can do and go from there.
Do it tonight though, don’t mess her about.

Message and say you’ll come on Christmas Day (but how will you get there? You can’t really ask to be picked up, bit rude on Christmas Day) and then book an uber to get home. I’d rather die than stay anywhere for 3 nights.

Do you feel like you’re May go down with flu, on around Tuesday @NewNameforThisPost2025 ?

Don’t be a flu person, it’s so bad when people do this.