To pull out of Xmas?

[NewNameforThisPost2025]

I'm divorced, no kids or siblings, family all dead. Lovely kind friend invited me for Xmas Day. Lovely, except....I then got conned into staying for three days instead of just a few hours on Xmas Day. Three days out of my precious break, and I'm an introvert who HATES staying in other people's houses and socialising for days on end. We have to visit all her relatives Xmas Eve and Xmas Day too.

She is a dear friend and I know she'll be disappointed if I pull out. (She wouldn't be on her own; she has her husband, kids, and mum.) I've let her down in the past a couple of times though. If I do so this time, I think it will affect the friendship.

But I cannot tell you how much I'm dreading it, for no other reason except that I simply don't want to give up my independence for three days and socialise with a bunch of strangers. I prefer to be in my own home. But I've already said yes.

Thoughts?

If the Covid strain is anything like this superflu in the UK I would definitely pull out!

If you do go, can you streamline it a bit so you arrive late afternoon Xmas eve and leave first thing Boxing Day? Then it’s only really a day and a half.

Ah here now, you are massively overthinking all this.
There is no need for any ifs, buts, or what ifs now, and least of all, for your justifying or explaining away a withdrawal from the visit. God in Heaven, hasn't she even spelled it out for you herself!
Just agree that it’s all a bit risky and leave it at that.
I wouldn’t chat about it too long either for fear she might get you to talk yourself round in a circle and you end up asking to come!
You said she ‘conned’ you into the visit in the first place, so clearly there's a strange dynamic there, so keep it all (chats with her) at arm’s length til Christmas has been and gone.
You wanted a guilt-free way out of the forced commitment, and you were miraculously given one; don’t blow with an over-apologetic and self-defeating phone call.

@NewNameforThisPost2025 variants Nimbus and Stratus have been doing the rounds in the UK since September. I had Nimbus (never had a sore throat like it, absolutely horrendous). DH came down with it as well. Loads of people from both of our workplaces also had it at the same time. Some were only poorly for a week or two. Others (like DH and I) got it worse and were still not right after a month. Very unpleasant and best avoided!

@NewNameforThisPost2025 you don't need to be giving this anymore headspace.
Just say you don't want to risk catching COVID so you aren't going to come.
And that's that.
Sorted.

To be honest it doesn't sound much like you've been "conned" It sounds like she is naturally rather forceful and you aren't good at saying no. I think it would be rude to back out now as she'll have shopped etc.

Exactly. So I was going to go.

But have you read my update about the Covid?

Thank you xxx

I think I just feel guilty bc I know how much she wanted me to go for most of the three days and I didn't want to, which I do feel guilty about bc she has been so kind!

Also @Millytante !

FGS just pull out! She's asked you to be honest about how you feel about it so stop bloody lying and tell her the truth! I would really run out of patience if you were a friend of mine. If I ask you what you want, I literally 100% want to know what you want, NOT what you think I want to hear. Stop second guessing everything and assuming some hidden meaning. Just because you can't be honest, doesn't mean everyone else is the same as you.

No it doesn't. It sounds like the friend is extremely kind and the op ties herself in knots trying to double guess what would be the "best" thing to do.

This 100%.

FFS @NewNameforThisPost2025 , your friend has given you the option to pull out - just take it! Tell her it's disappointing, but you would rather not take the risk and that the two of you should get together next year when it's safe to do so.

I might be old-school thinking this, but I didn’t think trains run on Christmas Day?

Anyway… text to say you’re grateful for the extended stay invitation but you’d really feel like you’re intruding for that length of time. So you’ve pre-booked a return Uber to drop you there Xmas morning and bring you home that evening. You’re very much looking forward to seeing her and her family Xmas day. Is there anything you can bring?

Not. Everyone. Lives. Where. You. Live.

Okay. Was just trying to help.

She wouldn’t have mentioned Covid if she didn’t feel you should pull out. She doesn’t want the responsibility/guilt of you coming down with it.
I don’t know your friend at all but I think she sounds like she is a good friend wanting the best for you and is well and truly warning you off.

She has given you an out - TAKE IT.

Pleeeeeease stop with the wet lettuce behaviour - you've got your out, so take it!

It’s 7.20 am here so just woken up. I messaged her last night and pulled out. I feel
a huge release of tension and had really happy dreams! I do still feel a bit guilty, but it’s worth the lack of stress I now feel.

Yes?

What a relief. Well done OP 👍

I was just copying you on this reply as well, bc it was relevant to your reply to me. ❤️

Yes, huge relief. Thanks!

Ah! Excuse me, insufficient coffee so far 🙂
Very glad you've made the decision, and that the Universe organised things so that no guilt or miffedness was occasioned anywhere!

I don't believe the universe has a mind. That's a philosophical concept, panpsychism.

I don't know if the universe has a mind, but I reckon that it was my deceased parents making life easier for me. 😍