To pull out of Xmas?

[NewNameforThisPost2025]

I'm divorced, no kids or siblings, family all dead. Lovely kind friend invited me for Xmas Day. Lovely, except....I then got conned into staying for three days instead of just a few hours on Xmas Day. Three days out of my precious break, and I'm an introvert who HATES staying in other people's houses and socialising for days on end. We have to visit all her relatives Xmas Eve and Xmas Day too.

She is a dear friend and I know she'll be disappointed if I pull out. (She wouldn't be on her own; she has her husband, kids, and mum.) I've let her down in the past a couple of times though. If I do so this time, I think it will affect the friendship.

But I cannot tell you how much I'm dreading it, for no other reason except that I simply don't want to give up my independence for three days and socialise with a bunch of strangers. I prefer to be in my own home. But I've already said yes.

Thoughts?

I have the ultimate solution.. this year suck it up if you value this friendship ? This year, get thee to the cat rescue.. the ultimate reason not to stay away if you don’t want to.. cats can manage 2 nights max .if you get a timed feeder . preferably one . You will ALWAYS have a reason not to stay away.. and a fabulous companion. A dog travels .. ant do even one night.. a cat is your ally here. 20 years of perfect excuses that no one can argue with !

Its horrible when you are stuck somewhere you dont want to be, there is no public transport and you dont drive. Something like this happeend to me when the house I was staying in was so freezing cold I felt ill. Never been so glad to get home.

Your best plan might be to warn you friend on say tuesday that you have come down with this nasty flu thats going about and maybe make plans to visit on another day when you can just spend the day. Flu is debilitating as well as contageous and can last 2 weeks.

Bear in mind there are no trains on christmas day as this is when networks do their maintenance. Other local transport (like buses or ubers) might be extremely limited and/or expensive.

Go for 1 day.

Ok, so here is the problem. Maybe you need to practice some lines, such as:
"Oh that's so kind of you. Thing is I have plans / stuff to do ( no need to be specific) the next day so I really do have to get back. An Uber will be fine"

Three days is too much for the rest of her family. I’m sure they’d be pleased if you insisted it was only for the afternoon.

You’re an adult make your own choices!

You've accepted so now you have to go through with it. Be the best guest you can be. If this friendship isn't worth making that effort for, then your friend will be right to withdraw from it.

OP I totally get it - bit of an introvert too. But it's not three whole days and I bet you it will go by SO quick! Have fun with your friend. I am sure you will enjoy yourself!

Haha such a good plan! (but I hate cats so this would not work for me!)

You need to work on your boundaries, say what you actually want and stop saying people who are trying to be kind and conning you.

Why do her wishes trump your wishes? You really want to go home, you go home ffs! Call the uber, you're an adult, you don't need her permission.

Just say no sorry or go with the following.

Tell her you have come down with a bug and cant go.
Fake it fake fake fake.
Moan voice, sniff alot talk with nose blocked tiggle up nose with tissue makes you sneeze, etc ect have no guilt about it.
Ive done it more than once and like you i am also an introvert.

I think you should book the Uber for when you’re ready to leave, then when you get there, tell her you love her and you’re so happy to spend the day with her, but that you need to decompress for a couple of days before you go back to work or your brain will explode, so you’ve booked a car to the station so you can both have a drink together.

Either that, or book it for the first train on Boxing Day so you’re home before lunch and ready to relax.

YABU for using hyperbole like "conned into staying 3 days"

Tell friend you can make it for x number of hours on Christmas day and that you won't be staying.

It’s quite rude to describe her DH and Mum as ‘a bunch of strangers’

How on earth do people get past the horror that is ‘someone I don’t know’ and become someone you do know? Surely your friend’s Mum and DH can be trusted?

Yes, it might be fun.

If you need some space go for a walk, say you need exercise and fresh air. Has she got a spare room for you? Take an hour to read.

This 100%. It's so depressing to see grown women advising another grown woman to pretend she has flu to get out of a social engagement. You didn't 'get conned' into staying three days, you're just bad at saying no to stuff you don't want to do. Develop this skill, or stuff like this will carry on being an issue forever.

There was a way out of it - you could have arrived 25th morning and then leave 25th evening. I can’t imagine people preventing me from getting a taxi. How is this possible?

I dunno….that friend seems to have exerted considerable pressure on OP to enforce the extended stay, so she’s hardly an injured part if OP were to stick by her original (and habitual) preference.

Be careful what you wish for OP, it's not too late for you to really go down with flu!

I think as long as you haven't stayed at her place before, I would contact your friend, and say that while you really appreciate the invitation, you've realised that you really don't feel comfortable staying over, at other people's homes, and so have decided to spend Christmas at home chilling out and recharging your batteries, before you have to go back to work'. If you send her a text or email saying this, then have an answer prepared for when she inevitably calls you and tries to persuade you that you can't possibly be alone at Christmas, ie, 'Seriously Carol, it's nothing personal, I just don't feel comfortable sleeping in other people's homes, plus it's been a tough year, and I'm really exhausted, so wouldn't be good company, as I get grumpy when I'm tired, and wouldn't want to impose that on any one, let alone a treasured friend. Maybe we can get together in the New Year?'

Why in God’s name did you say yes? Baffling to get yourself in this position.

I agree.
It is entirely possible to be assertive without being rude.

You should have declined the extra days in the first place and insisted on getting ubers to and from the station. I like a glass or two of wine on Christmas day and would not want to have to give someone a lift.

If you behave like a doormat people will walk all over you.

Terrible flu going around……

You haven’t been conned, you’ve agreed to something you don’t want to do. The moment I realised that being a people pleaser meant I was actually a liar was liberating. I was always saying yes to things when I felt no. I was lying to everyone. And then feeling resentful when it was no-ones fault but mine.

You can change this. But you need to speak up, I promise I say this with kindness and empathy. But you need to speak up.

Ungrateful and rude to even refer ro it as being conned.

Ah! Didn't think of that. Makes it easier then. Just say youll get an uber to the station. She can't make you stay.