To pull out of Xmas?

[NewNameforThisPost2025]

I'm divorced, no kids or siblings, family all dead. Lovely kind friend invited me for Xmas Day. Lovely, except....I then got conned into staying for three days instead of just a few hours on Xmas Day. Three days out of my precious break, and I'm an introvert who HATES staying in other people's houses and socialising for days on end. We have to visit all her relatives Xmas Eve and Xmas Day too.

She is a dear friend and I know she'll be disappointed if I pull out. (She wouldn't be on her own; she has her husband, kids, and mum.) I've let her down in the past a couple of times though. If I do so this time, I think it will affect the friendship.

But I cannot tell you how much I'm dreading it, for no other reason except that I simply don't want to give up my independence for three days and socialise with a bunch of strangers. I prefer to be in my own home. But I've already said yes.

Thoughts?

Where are you? There are no trains running Christmas Day or Boxing Day here in England (might be a very few on Boxing Day)?

She's in Canada according to one of her posts upthread.
Where apparently they do have trains on Christmas Day.

Threads like this totally baffle me. Just grow a bloody spine and say no! I’m an introvert too, but have no problem with using my words if I don’t want to do something, anyone who is a real friend should be fine with that.

I describe it as conned bc this isn’t the first time it’s happened in recent months. A friend asked if she could come and stay for a couple of nights. (Not this friend.) When the time came round, it had morphed into eight days! She knew I was sitting there in a house alone with extra bedrooms and she’s a friend sonI said yes bc I couldn’t think of an excuse. But then the whole stay ended up not happening for various reasons.

I do hate it when you say yes to a short amount of time and then, having got you, other people extend, and it’s harder to say no from that position.

Just order the Uber and tell her after the fact, when you’re putting on your coat. She’s actually being rude, which is something friendly extroverts never understand, so you have to match her energy.

It’s not the DH and mum who are the bunch of strangers, it’s the bunch of literal strangers we are visiting on Xmas Eve and another set on Xmas Day. I have literally never seen any of those people before. I don’t even know their names. I thought I made it clear in my OP.

Conned seems very over dramatic. Surely you just say to her you’d just like to go for Christmas day?

Maybe her Mum or husband can be far from. pleasant to her in private but you may well block that behaviour just by being there for 3 whole days. Just a scenario I have encountered at one point.

Yes, exactly. And she's being extra-lovely because my parents are dead. I think I'm just going to submit to it and go all in to enjoy it. Who knows, maybe I'll meet a new man at one of the gatherings we're going to!

Oh, I'm just fed up because someone tried to do a similar thing to me a few months ago, to the tune of EIGHT DAYS when I'd agreed to two! Just getting fed up with people upselling me from what I'd originally agreed to.

This rings true, from some of the things she's told me about her mum. She has problems with her brother too. I think she reckons it will be a lot more fun if I'm there. Looking back on some of my own difficult family Christmases, it would have been much better if a good friend had been there.

Have you ever considered actually reading what the OP has written before you spout your opinion? Outlandish, I know, but I find it helps.

If you initially accepted the Christmas day offer but then you were 'conned', to use your word, someone has moved the goal posts & it doesn't sound as though it was you. On that basis, surely you can say no?

Your friend probably thought you'd be lonely alone at home but you won't be, so tell her how you're looking forward to your bit of peace & quiet.

And visiting other people's family over Christmas, unless you know them well, sounds hellish.

Hi, sorry about everyone being so stubborn about the train! I have a friend like this and have realised she’s actually really quite selfish as my needs get taken into account much less than hers if she decides she want to do something. It looks like kindness but is mainly self-focused.

I am going to discuss it with her now I’ve worked it out myself but it will threaten the relationship. Us introverts need strong boundaries too. Did you have an overbearing parent? My relationship with my friend is directly linked to that old norm. Value yourself.

Go just for Christmas Day and book your taxi in advance for a specific time.

Appalling responses on this thread.
OP has a history of letting people down, this friend won’t be the only one, and here people are encouraging her to do it.
Bet the next poster who posts about the so called friend who is always cancelling last minute will be told they’re not a friend and to ditch.
And “introvert” isn’t a justification. If you don’t want to go stay home. You don’t agree and then blame backing out at the last minute on being an introvert. You were already an introvert, you didn’t suddenly become one.

I let people down because I have serious depression after losing my marriage and both of my parents. Most people don't understand unless they've been there. It's very hard to get out of bed, let alone go out and socialise. I have let a lot of people down since my second parent became ill.

In both of your examples, you sound like an absolute doormat.

Have you ever thought about why you are such a doormat?

You can't blame being an introvert - i know introverts who still set boundaries and communicate.

Thanks for making me feel even worse about myself.

It's not letting people down to say you'd like to visit but on your terms e.g. one day not three.

Thank you! Oh yes, overbearing parent, big-time!

Go for Christmas Day and return on Boxing Day morning (if you have a car), is what I would do in this situation.

Thank you.

Anyway, I'm going to stick to what we've planned. She's so looking forward to it. I'm starting to look forward to it too, having resigned myself. I spend too much time alone, what with living alone and my job being WFH. Maybe it will be good for me.

I'm going to be on my guard against the upselling in future, where I've agreed to a certain amount of time and then been coerced into more, usually too surprised to think of a good excuse on the spot.

I don't drive in Canada. No licence and wrong side of the road.

You.can insist on going home Boxing day.