To pull out of Xmas?

[NewNameforThisPost2025]

I'm divorced, no kids or siblings, family all dead. Lovely kind friend invited me for Xmas Day. Lovely, except....I then got conned into staying for three days instead of just a few hours on Xmas Day. Three days out of my precious break, and I'm an introvert who HATES staying in other people's houses and socialising for days on end. We have to visit all her relatives Xmas Eve and Xmas Day too.

She is a dear friend and I know she'll be disappointed if I pull out. (She wouldn't be on her own; she has her husband, kids, and mum.) I've let her down in the past a couple of times though. If I do so this time, I think it will affect the friendship.

But I cannot tell you how much I'm dreading it, for no other reason except that I simply don't want to give up my independence for three days and socialise with a bunch of strangers. I prefer to be in my own home. But I've already said yes.

Thoughts?

I totally understand and prefer my own space too. I would either compromise and stay 1 night (make up an excuse for Christmas Eve) or just say I’m unwell and not go at all.

Can you go stay for one night and then tell her you have plans for the rest of the days? Or say you aren't feeling well and dip out early?

Do your mate a favour and cancel - you obviously don’t want to spend time with her but you still expect her to drive you around

I never understand these posts and why people can’t be honest. Just say I’ve been thinking I would prefer to come Christmas Day and stay overnight and leave Boxing Day morning. Looking forward to seeing you all.

So just tell her you’ve changed your mind about staying three nights and that you’ll get an Uber as planned. Go on Xmas Eve, stay one night, spend Xmas Day with them and go home on Xmas Day in a taxi.

Or get an Uber there on Xmas Day and go home Boxing Day morning. It’s really not complicated.

Missing the point here, but do trains run on Christmas Day??? 😲

Next time you don’t need to think of an excuse. Life would be so much easier if people just said what they meant. There is absolutely nothing for her to be offended by in a ‘oh thanks so much for the offer, how nice of you. I’m actually going to enjoy some time to myself at home. Have a lovely time!’.

I think its too late to pull out...less than a week before Christmas.

Your friend sounds lovely and will have factored in you being there when buying food.

Don't say yes next time she asks you over, its not fair on her.

I agree.

Tell her now that you won’t be coming.
Its not fair to fake an illness, especially closer to the time.

I think it’s what @NewNameforThisPost2025means by three days? Arrive Christmas Eve, have Christmas Day and night there and leave Boxing Day as they are reliant on friend to get to station? Is that right? If so I don’t think it’s that bad?

Thing is, I'd already said yes to a few hours on Xmas day. I find this is what happens - you say yes to something, and then people just expand it. And then it's difficult to say no, because you're already on the hook.

If I were your friend I would be most annoyed that you'd not just said what you've said on here when she first invited you, when I would have had no problem with you doing what you wanted.

If you pulled out entirely at this late stage for no reason that you couldn't have stated before now, I would be annoyed. And yes, I'd be reconsidering our friendship. I'd suggest just going for the day and getting an Uber to the station.

Correct, and when you're an introvert who hates staying at other people's houses, it's horrific.

So get an uber there and back on the day and tell your friend work has been crazy and you really need time to decompress.

Say you can't wait to see her on Christmas Day and you're grateful she's including you in her plans, but you'll be getting an Uber home instead of staying over.

Thing is, I'd already said yes to a few hours on Xmas day. I find this is what happens - you say yes to something, and then people just expand it. And then it's difficult to say no, because you're already on the hook.

That's the time to say no though-that you don't want to be away for so long.

Was it realistic that she would pick you up & take you back on Christmas Day?

I understand the introvert thing but really when you've already said yes you're being unfair and rude to pull out now. Even if you feel you were ramrailed into it, she's made plans based on what you agreed to.

It depends on your relationship with your friend - but you say you've already messed her around recently so yeah I don't think you should be surprised if she's pissed off.

OK, I've talked to her, and there is no way out of it - she's so looking forward to having me, I think because it's more fun for her to have her mate there than just her relatives, so I'm just going to submit! Maybe it'll even be fun...

Of course there's a way out of it.

And run her down. She sounds like a nice person actually. Not many

would offer to host for 3 days.

Your lucky to be asked op.

I absolutely do NOT expect her to run me around. I insisted on an Uber back to the station Xmas night but she wouldn't hear of it - wanted me to stay.

I have not run her down at all! I said she's lovely - which she is! And I was very happy to be invited for Xmas day.

Can you please explain to me how you got the impression that I expect her to run me around, when I tried to go for just the day and to Uber from the station? There are trains running where we are. You're just making things up.

No way out of it without causing some bad feeling, I mean.

That's the spirit! I hope you DO have a good time OP, you might surprise yourself. But either way it might be good to have a think about what you'll say next time so hopefully you'll both feel comfortable about the arrangements.

Oh my god - I did NOT expect her to take me back and forth on Xmas Day! There are some trains running where we are, hence me saying about the Uber to the station!

Yes, it's a Sunday service where we are, so very easy.