To pull out of Xmas?

[NewNameforThisPost2025]

I'm divorced, no kids or siblings, family all dead. Lovely kind friend invited me for Xmas Day. Lovely, except....I then got conned into staying for three days instead of just a few hours on Xmas Day. Three days out of my precious break, and I'm an introvert who HATES staying in other people's houses and socialising for days on end. We have to visit all her relatives Xmas Eve and Xmas Day too.

She is a dear friend and I know she'll be disappointed if I pull out. (She wouldn't be on her own; she has her husband, kids, and mum.) I've let her down in the past a couple of times though. If I do so this time, I think it will affect the friendship.

But I cannot tell you how much I'm dreading it, for no other reason except that I simply don't want to give up my independence for three days and socialise with a bunch of strangers. I prefer to be in my own home. But I've already said yes.

Thoughts?

nope and some places have long closures this year to replace parts of the track

Sounds like she’s trying to be nice for your sake not hers! Stay Xmas day but tell her the other days you’ve decided to stay home as you want to… if she’s a friend she will get it!!

There's a Sunday service where we are.

We are in Canada and there's a Sunday train service where we are.

Good. It would have been rude and mean to change everything now. If you look at it from another angle, it’s only just two days if you arrive late afternoon/evening Xmas eve and leave mid morning on Boxing Day if you’re really not enjoying yourself. But like you said, hopefully it might turn up much more enjoyable than you expected.🤞

@NewNameforThisPost2025i do understand. One of my sons is the same. I do think though (kindly) that your latest post is the right spirit if you can manage it and go with an open mind. She sounds like a good friend and in an age of loneliness and isolation it’s a lovely gesture.

If you really, really can't get out of it - turn up in the evening on Christmas Eve and book an Uber for Boxing Day morning.

This is the crux of it. If she's a good friend then none of this would be a problem.
Just say dinner would be grand but you want to go home. Offer to wash up!

She may be overcompensating for you, without understanding that actually, a lovely break is exactly what you'd like.

In that case, she's a rubbish friend so you shouldn't feel bad for cancelling, right?

I think it is quite late to change plans now. I can see that getting drawn in further than you had anticipated may be difficult for you but perhaps for this time you should try and go with the flow. As you say, you might just enjoy it more than you expect.

Why did you say yes in the first place

just tell her you want your own bed

you forgot aunty Mabel/ a good friend was coming round Boxing Day

Appreciate that ubers and taxis may not be feasible on Xmas day, but you could get one home on Boxing day. If this is a true friend I think you should be able to say that you feel very privileged to be invited to join her family for christmas day, but you’d like to stay just one night and get a car to go home the next day.

If you want an easy get-out without hurting your friend’s feelings I’d say it’s some sort of contagious illness - sore throat/flu/stomach upset etc. People who are more outgoing won’t understand how an introvert feels so it’s no use trying to explain.
Don’t feel bad - enjoy your Christmas your way.

I completely understand this this is something I use to really struggle with, with friendships as im a see you for a couple of hours then I'm done kind of person and I was always cancelling plans and letting people down as I couldn't cope with the long stretches with people. Then one day I started telling people the truth and everyone was so understanding which I really wasn't expecting and now its so much better.

Back & forth to the station!

Obviously there would be driving involved otherwise her drinking wouldn't matter!

You were not on the hook, OP. You could have said, Thanks, I'd love to come on Christmas day and I'm happy to get a uber to the station. I have things planned for the other days. But how were you planning to get there anyway? No trains run on Christmas day or even boxing day, unless you live for example on the line to Gatwick.

Easy. You just grow a pair, "un-con" yourself out of staying for 3 days, and stay the few hours on Christmas Day you had planned to stay. You explain what you've said here, with no embarrassment, that as you're the introverted type, you're looking forward to some time on your own after spending the lovely time with her on Christmas Day.

I'm in my 50s, now, and honestly, no-one my age would be nervous about coming out and talking about their needs and preferences, and no-one listening would bat an eyelid either. It's just not a major thing. Go for the few hours, enjoy it, say your thankyous, and then leave as planned.

I insisted on an Uber, and she insisted that I not!!!!

Not UK.

Sometimes people say those things to save face, though, or to not have one feel sorry for them, when in reality they'd jump at the chance to go to a friend's house. It might still be worth sending a heartfelt invitation that they are most welcome at yours "but no pressure if you're looking forward to the peace and quiet" etc.

If you have access to Uber on Christmas day I would simply level with her. If she is a friend and she knows you that well you should be able to say ‘I love you dearly, but you know how introvert I am. I’d love to spend christmas day with you, but I’d would be happier going home in the evening, so don’t stress over setting up the spare room.’

I think you may be worrying about her response unnecessarily, but if you simply say you’ve organised the car so there’s nothing for her to worry about, I am sure she will be fine.

Came to say the same thing. No they don’t.

oh I just RTFT. Not UK.

I think you are over estimating how bothered your friend will be if you pull out of the arrangements. If I remember rightly she has a partner and kids and several social arrangements lined up. That being the case I can’t imagine how anyone would still have the capacity to care if a friend came along or not. I think she has tried to make you feel welcome but overdone it so you feel obliged. Just let her know that on reflection you are an introvert and would rather have a quiet few days. Ask to catch up when she has more time in the new year.

That's not her choice though is it?

Yes, they do. It's a Sunday service where we are. Not the UK.