Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

I couldn't have her back in my house I'm afraid, even if it turned into a tip.

That's a horrendous beach of trust.

Make up a fake profile, make friends with the fake profile, then post under that profile “That’s my friend’s house not yours” and see what she does.

She sounds like she’s a bit resentful of you and your situation, frankly. Her comments about the tiles and the coffee cup are a bit off. Either she wanted to get back at you by posting your h decorations in a FB group she knew you might see, or she didn’t think you’d see it and did it not because she admires you but because she’s jealous.

I’d ask her to remove the photos; terminate her contract with you - and change your locks and alarm codes. This isn’t someone who likes you.

Can I ask why?

If ask her. "I saw this post (showing phone) isnt this my house? What happened? " and take it from there depending on the response. She's your employee and a good boss picks things up quickly so they dont grow into a big problem but get resolved instead.

I'd screen shot it then inbox her asking her to, remove photos of my home. I'd tell her she is not to take photos of my home and post them on social media.

I'm a very private person and would be livid about this. She would never clean for me again.

I would message the group admins and tell them what she’s done and ask them to take the pictures down. She might realise that you’ve seen them, but she can’t really complain!

How big a problem do you want!?

She's not a multinational company manager with a team of 30, this woman is invited into her home to do a very personal job.

And has committed a gross breach of trust. End of discussion as far as I'm concerned, sod being "a good boss"!

Me too - how are you so calm @DeadlyDead

It really is a HUGE breach of trust, I think you ( and loads of "ahhh, leave her alone" apologists) posters are underplaying how bad it is that she has done this.

Maybe 'like' her post and comment 'wow! That looks exactly like my house.....' and leave it at that.
FYI, is she worked for a professional cleaning company, she would be instantly dismissed for gross misconduct. Just because shes SE, doesn't exempt her from basic privacy rules and data protection

Your standard are high. I recommend that you find a suitable replacement before you sack her.

I find it very sad to be honest. But it is a breach of trust.

Your kindness is being seen as weakness OP. I think this could be the start of an envy that could turn into jealousy and if that happens things could start to go walkies. Personally I would be having a conversation with her about the photos and dependant on how that went deciding whether we could continue as employer/employee. .

I’d comment on the post “we seem to have the same taste when it comes to decorations”

It's just fucking weird!!! I would not want her in my house again.

From what you have said, she seems to have severe issues with low self esteem. She takes any criticism very personally and she is pretending her house is better than it is.
You obviously treat her very well and I do agree that the behaviour with the photos is weird but I don’t think she is dangerous or even untrustworthy to have in your property.
Could you show her some compassion and either overlook it completely or gently try to broach it with her to find out why she has done it?
Its the time of good will to all men after all (and that includes crazy stalker women)

I'd fire her.

Love this option

I'd find it uncomfortable. I'd also think she maybe is short on money and lacking pride in her own home which led to her doing it so I'd feel a bit sorry for her and not want to humiliate her by saying anything.

If ask her. "I saw this post (showing phone) isnt this my house? What happened? " and take it from there depending on the response. She's your employee and a good boss picks things up quickly so they dont grow into a big problem but get resolved instead.

She needs to know she can’t do it again and should not be photographing your house, let alone sharing it, without your permission.

I think @Wellretired has made a very good suggestion of how to approach this.

Search her name. Check what else she has posted that could be your house. She may have hosted a bbq while you were away and posted pics of that. Imagine!

You know, presuming she didn’t include directions and your address, I would think her unwise and living a little bit of fantasy which probably tells you her life as a single parent with a disabled child is hurting her more than you usually notice.

I would pretend I had never seen it and carry on with my reliable if sensitive cleaner as I would feel a bit sorry for her and also would know it could take a lots of faffing around before you find someone you trust and are comfortable with. I value that more than I judge some ill though through escapism.

Fire a single mum at Christmas for taking photos of your interiors?

I'd be fuming at someone trying to pass off my home and decorations as their own. I may be sensitive but i'd feel violated about letting this person into my house, then taking pictures and putting them on social media without my knowledge. It would feel a bit like stealing even though she hasn't actually taken anything. I would have to call her out even comment on the post outing her, even if it meant finding a new cleaner.