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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
BonneMamanAbricot · 22/12/2025 06:38

A friend of mine had a nanny who started telling people she was adopting her children, and that they were hers. Creepy

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/12/2025 07:19

Alwaysalert · 22/12/2025 02:28

Servant??? It's 2025 amd as far as I know OP does not reside in Downton Abbey!

Even the Royal Family refer to Staff not Servants these days.

FeeBee73 · 22/12/2025 09:53

MrsDoomesPattersen · 19/12/2025 17:34

Have you seen the film single
white female?

I was going to say, this has the feel of a film or TV drama where the cleaner/nanny/any domestic help swoops in to take over the other person's life.
I would be getting a new cleaner if this was me.
It is probably why I don't have anyone work in my house (trust issues).

Kelly1969 · 22/12/2025 11:18

You’re doing the right thing to dispense with her services.
Given her sensitivity about being spoken to about her cleaning I doubt speaking to her about the post would go down well.
People saying it’s a compliment, it is but it’s also a huge invasion of privacy, and really stupid, she could have blocked your fb profile and you’d never have known what she’s posting, not that it makes it okay!
She doesn’t get a free pass cos she’s got a disabled child, I have too and normal rules apply, being respectful of other people’s privacy is the norm surely?
Sounds like you have been very generous to her, such a pity she didn’t really appreciate your kindness.

Gossipisgood · 22/12/2025 12:30

Comment on the post saying something like 'WOW looks amazing' then when she's next at yours let her bring it up or mention that you'd prefer it if she don't post pictures of your home on her socials. It's a breach of trust & respect so I'd not be too trusting going forward if you decide to keep her on.

MerryAndBrightLaLaLa · 22/12/2025 12:38

I can’t believe anyone would think you are being unreasonable!

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 22/12/2025 13:09

I feel a bit sad for her... maybe she lives in a shit house and can't afford lovely decorations.

muggart · 22/12/2025 18:36

I feel really sorry for her, but it’s also nutjob-esq behaviour and i wouldn’t trust my house in her hands either.

I think you have to let her go rather than assume it’s a one-time moment of madness from an otherwise honest person.

FirstdatesFred · 22/12/2025 20:06

This whole thing is literally unbelievable

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/12/2025 20:13

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 22/12/2025 13:09

I feel a bit sad for her... maybe she lives in a shit house and can't afford lovely decorations.

You could say that about a burglar who helped themselves because they had a shit house. It doesn't make any difference

truffleruffle · 22/12/2025 20:17

I would say friends pointed it out on facebook and ask her if she can explain. When she admits to it I would ask her if she would mind removing and not photographing your home. Hopefully that would be the end of it. Everyone deserves a second chance and she sounds like she was just envious of your lovely home.

CyanMember · 22/12/2025 23:17

A couple of years ago I joined a Facebook group for private cleaners. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the pictures cleaners were posting, some were clean, others not so, but some comments were horrendous. Pictures of bedrooms, adult and children. Seemed very little was private once the mobile phone made it too easy to snap away..

I only joined out of curiosity, having worked in people's home over 30 yrs, now retired. It hadn't occurred to me such groups existed.

HevenlyMeS · 23/12/2025 13:43

Immensely well commented Sincere Soul
💚

seafoamhair · 23/12/2025 22:57

HevenlyMeS · 23/12/2025 13:43

Immensely well commented Sincere Soul
💚

You really need to learn how to quote the poster you are responding to.

TiredMummma · 23/12/2025 23:27

Someone stole my photo of an unusual Christmas tree decoration which has been in my family for years and reposted it as their own. I was very very upset

pineapplesundae · 23/12/2025 23:58

You should be worried that she will continue to post your home! You should ask her to delete the post and to never do anything like that again. If she quits, you’ll find another cleaner. Just remember to get your keys back and change your security codes.

MySilentLions · 24/12/2025 01:02

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 20:04

Fire a single mum at Christmas for taking photos of your interiors?

Yes. It’s a huge breach of trust. Her status as a single mum has nothing to do with this. She should be responsible and ethical, then She wouldn’t get fired!

Why are you so intent on defending her? Just playing Devils Advocate? Bored?

DangerousAlchemy · 24/12/2025 06:57

MrsDoomesPattersen · 19/12/2025 17:34

Have you seen the film single
white female?

this was exactly my 1st thought!

HevenlyMeS · 24/12/2025 19:26

I'd love to know how to 🤔
I didn't realise that I wasn't until you pointed it out - Thank you, but I still don't yet know how to 🙏

YogaGrinch · 24/12/2025 19:30

Time for a new cleaner most definitely

AmarylIis · 26/12/2025 19:10

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 23:55

They’re the Oko baubles from Nkuku in the large size. I ordered straight from the Nkuku website.

They seem to have a few colours discounted currently.

https://www.nkuku.com/products/oko-giant-bauble-matt-bordeaux

Oh, last I checked they didn’t deliver outside of the UK - good to know!

Iwillcomeouttheotherend · 21/02/2026 12:32

DeadlyDead · 20/12/2025 23:02

I’m a lot taller than her, but she’s much slimmer than me. Totally different body types.

Hi - how did it work out in the end?
Did you let her know you’d seen the FB post ?

DeadlyDead · 23/02/2026 14:49

Iwillcomeouttheotherend · 21/02/2026 12:32

Hi - how did it work out in the end?
Did you let her know you’d seen the FB post ?

We parted ways after I asked her about the pictures, and she doubled-down on her lies.

OP posts:
Bigcat25 · 23/02/2026 14:53

What a nut job. I don't understand how people can continue with an obvious lie.

CrayonCritic5 · 23/02/2026 16:47

What did she saaaay