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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

858 replies

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 20:05

Poppolo · 19/12/2025 20:03

You know, presuming she didn’t include directions and your address, I would think her unwise and living a little bit of fantasy which probably tells you her life as a single parent with a disabled child is hurting her more than you usually notice.

I would pretend I had never seen it and carry on with my reliable if sensitive cleaner as I would feel a bit sorry for her and also would know it could take a lots of faffing around before you find someone you trust and are comfortable with. I value that more than I judge some ill though through escapism.

Well said

AngelicKaty · 19/12/2025 20:05

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 19:36

She can be a bit snitty. I have high shine cream porcelain tiles in my hallway. They’re a bugger to clean. Any drop of water leaves a mark. I asked her before to go back over them with once she’s mopped to dry them (using a fluffy long handled buffer thingy I have- don’t know what they’re called but they’re like a mop with a microfiber attachment at the end) and she was clearly unimpressed. Told me she’s cleaned hundreds of floors and the problem is my tiles, and not how she cleans them and she’s never had anyone complain before. I told her it absolutely is the tiles and they need to be dried because the water marks dry in, regardless of who cleans them.

Another time, I asked her to please put her coffee cup into the dishwasher when she was finished (if I’m not home I’ve told her to help herself to the coffee machine- I genuinely don’t mind). It was just annoying to come home after paying for a clean and finding an upturned cup on the side of the sink. I accept that’s a little irritant but I said it nicely, and her response was to tell me it was fine and she’d bring her own coffee in a travel cup instead. I told her that wasn’t what I meant but if she preferred to bring her own coffee that was fine, then she backed down and now the cups go in the dishwasher.

Show quote history

Ooh, the coffee cup thing sounds very passive-aggressive on her part OP. I hate to say this, but I think she's extremely jealous of you - which may be understandable given the disparity between your situations - but if I'm right I think it would be best for both of you to let her go.

NickyWiresSunnies · 19/12/2025 20:06

Yeah, I was going to add: bet this isn't the first time she's postured with your property, pretending what's yours is hers. And the 'sensitivity'? That's her attempting to evoke guilt in you (& succeeding, evidently). There are more cleaners out there, ones who won't breach your trust.

Original poster
DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 20:10

Wellretired · 19/12/2025 19:49

If ask her. "I saw this post (showing phone) isnt this my house? What happened? " and take it from there depending on the response. She's your employee and a good boss picks things up quickly so they dont grow into a big problem but get resolved instead.

For the record, she’s not my employee. I don’t need to be a “boss”, good or otherwise. I just need to be happy with the level of service she’s providing me, and the way she delivers it. Currently, I’m happy with her service, but not her behaviour in/towards my home so I need to decide what to do.

That said, I do feel for her. Losing a client the week before Christmas when I know she needs the money isn’t going to be easy. Good cleaners are in demand around here though.

She’s due to come again on Monday (she comes once a week) and I won’t be here (traveling to family for Christmas) so I’m going to text her tomorrow to cancel Monday. As it stands, I don’t feel comfortable having her here, especially when we’re not home, but I want to take some time to think about what I’ll do next. I do like her and feel she’s not a bad person, but this is very strange.

For those worrying about her having keys, we have a really good CCTV system with phone app notifications, and monitored gates etc so I’m not worried about her (or anyone) getting near the house unnoticed.

I really don’t think she’s dangerous, but I can’t figure out if she’s deceitful, or maybe just struggling and putting up a fantastical front?

OP posts:
Itiswhysofew · 19/12/2025 20:11

I dont have a cleaner, but I think I'd be quite amused by what she's done. Not the point, but I'd love to see your houseGrin

Tapsthemic · 19/12/2025 20:11

I agree with PP - I’d need to say something, but I believe you can approach this with empathy, tread softly, and spare any humiliation. Something like - “Hey X, I spotted your post on the local FB group. Thanks for the appreciation, but it’s probably best to take it down. I value your excellent work, but I need to be clear that I don’t want any photos of my home on social media (or anywhere). Thanks and see you Monday”

Original poster
DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 20:12

And, for the record, she also got me a Christmas present. She always does.

I’m not trying to paint myself as some philanthropic saint here. We have a good relationship, we’re nice to each other.

OP posts:
Poodlelove · 19/12/2025 20:12

That is your home and it's not right.

Ask her to remove by texting her.

Dita73 · 19/12/2025 20:15

Sorry but it’s weird. Put “we need to have a chat” on the post. I bet it’s deleted fairly quickly

Mumofoneandone · 19/12/2025 20:16

Massive invasion of privacy.
I'd be privately messaging her to request she removes the photos within a set time period.
If she doesn't I would publically 'shame' her.
I'd be asking for all keys to be returned and change your code.
Seek a new cleaner. She sounds a pain.

Salome61 · 19/12/2025 20:17

I would write on the Facebook post and say please delete immediately, I did not give you permission to show the world my Christmas decorations.

Unfortunately this would be a big breach of my privacy and I'd have to let her go as she has made a very bad choice, good cleaner or not.

I would take the keys from her and change the locks, unfortunately I would not trust anything she said and wouldn't be surprised if she'd had a copy made.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/12/2025 20:18

That’s really going over the line

taking pics of your home

posting them on internet

saying it’s her home

Salome61 · 19/12/2025 20:18

And I wouldn't give her a written reference - she could give my number for a verbal, but I would be telling future employers about this.

LBFseBrom · 19/12/2025 20:19

Clefable · 19/12/2025 17:34

That’s bonkers! That said, I really value a good cleaner so I might just stay quiet. I feel a bit sorry for her actually, perhaps her circumstances aren’t good this year and she is trying to live another life in a way even just for some social media likes.

I agree and it will soon be forgotten. People are posting their Christmas decor all over facebook, it's a five minute wonder.

Pricelessadvice · 19/12/2025 20:21

The fact that she thinks it’s ok to post pictures of the inside of the house of one of her clients says that she doesn’t have any respect for their privacy.
That’s a massive breach of trust.

Claiming it’s her own home is just weird.

Devonshiregal · 19/12/2025 20:21

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 19/12/2025 19:56

Your kindness is being seen as weakness OP. I think this could be the start of an envy that could turn into jealousy and if that happens things could start to go walkies. Personally I would be having a conversation with her about the photos and dependant on how that went deciding whether we could continue as employer/employee. .

Yes this. She might have been doing this a while - how do you know it is the first time? Have you fake account added her on Facebook to find out?

And she’s not just sitting there getting compliments thinking ooh I shouldn’t have done that, she’s actively lying to people and absorbing the compliments.

Of course it’s sad, but so are all future stalkers. If it was a man you’d be like no way. And honestly, it is sad her life is tough, but not your responsibility to fix. You aren’t the queen, you don’t serve her or owe her anything because you think your life is better than hers. Anyway, she could love her life but just be crazy for all you know.

She could move in while you’re away like in the movies. Or pin a crime on you. Or steal from you. Or single white female you as others have said. I’d go heavy - treat like a stalker. Scare her so she goes away for good.

Strangequinoaconcoction · 19/12/2025 20:23

Devonshiregal · 19/12/2025 20:21

Yes this. She might have been doing this a while - how do you know it is the first time? Have you fake account added her on Facebook to find out?

And she’s not just sitting there getting compliments thinking ooh I shouldn’t have done that, she’s actively lying to people and absorbing the compliments.

Of course it’s sad, but so are all future stalkers. If it was a man you’d be like no way. And honestly, it is sad her life is tough, but not your responsibility to fix. You aren’t the queen, you don’t serve her or owe her anything because you think your life is better than hers. Anyway, she could love her life but just be crazy for all you know.

She could move in while you’re away like in the movies. Or pin a crime on you. Or steal from you. Or single white female you as others have said. I’d go heavy - treat like a stalker. Scare her so she goes away for good.

Show quote history

Ridiculous overreaction

ChampagneLassie · 19/12/2025 20:25

I think she’s proven she’s not trustworthy though, with this completely unnecessary lies! I’d message her and ask her to delete this post. I wouldn’t want her back myself.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 19/12/2025 20:26

Wow. Long time cleaner here... I only take pics of any dpets with the owners permission.. And never include any bits of the house...

TwoTuesday · 19/12/2025 20:27

Why are people so odd about cleaners on here? This behaviour is totally out of order, very weird and it is sufficiently bad to sack her.

Forthwith81 · 19/12/2025 20:27

I thought you were going to say she stole your Xmas decorations. But then I remembered that’s something that only a MIL would do on MN.

liamharha · 19/12/2025 20:29

I think it's a bit creepy op but is it creepy enough to get rid of a good cleaner
I'd of been flattered had she said these are lovely cam I post a photo to group I'm.im etc but passing them as hers gives me creeps

Therealjudgejudy · 19/12/2025 20:33

This would really freak me out op!!

TheBerry · 19/12/2025 20:36

Honestly I think you’re under reacting. I wouldn’t be angry, exactly, but I’d think it was weird as fuck and I’d probably sack her.

liamharha · 19/12/2025 20:37

DeadlyDead · 19/12/2025 17:29

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

The mind boggles imagine what she shows with your undies drawer 😩🙈

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